Escaping the Pain of Offense

My wife had a toothache that developed into unbearable pain the day before the recent holiday.  Her dentist’s office was closed for an extended time and she decided to make an appointment with another dentist who handles emergency situations.  The x-rays from the visit revealed a likelihood of an infection that was treated with a medicine.  Thankfully not a root canal needed, but the pain drove her to seek relief even though the timing was not good.  

Emotional pain can be similar to a physical pain in many ways. Disappointment, worry, anxiety, depression, or feelings like abandonment, shame, fear, powerlessness, damaged, invalidation, and hopelessness are common and come in varying degrees for different people. The pain can be intense.  It pops up unexpectedly.  It can pop up with bad timing.  If you try to ignore it, it will only get worse.  Sometimes the source is hard to identify. The only lasting solution is not a quick fix, but takes time to heal.  For true healing to occur, the root cause must be identified and dealt with properly.  

Root causes of emotional pain are often not easy to determine.  It may take the help of a “soul doctor” (counselor) to get better.  The root cause of emotional pain almost always involves some sort of offense.  At the very least, it takes the form of a  perceived threat to a person’s comfort, pleasure, or power.  At worst, an offense is a gross injustice or disregard for truth.  In my experience as a counselor, I have found that when a person is willing to do the hard work of identifying and rooting out offense, it transforms their inner life for lasting results.  In the previous few articles I have written a lot about offense, but this article deals with the best solution;  that is forgiveness.  

  The things I learned about forgiveness during the 3 year research project to culminate my seminary degree, changed my life forever.  I still consider myself a learner on the topic.  One only learns about forgiveness if he practices forgiveness.  Since offense creates the need for forgiveness, and since offense is part of an inescapable human condition, the only way to learn about forgiveness is to practice it.  How does one practice forgiveness?  As an answer to this question I authored the book called Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart.  

Below  is an overview of the book.  The goal is to help people in three aspects of life:  understanding what true forgiveness is (and isn’t), applying this understanding to inner life change, and applying it to relationships with people.  I divided the content into three sections of three chapters each.  

The first section, Part One, is called Foundations.   The chapters in Part One are called The Cycle of Offense, Misunderstandings, and Divinely Initiated (the basic theology of forgiveness with many biblical references).  

Part Two of the book is called Transformational Healing: Between God and Man.  This section is the heart of the matter, distinguishing forgiveness from reconciliation.  The simplest definition I have discovered for forgiveness is “surrendering to God the right to judge.”  Forgiveness is a matter of getting your heart in the right place before God, and nothing (or at least very little) to do with how the offender responds (or doesn’t respond).  The three chapters of Part Two are called Receiving God’s Gift, Surrendering to God, and Trusting God for Change.  

Part Three, applying forgiveness to relationships, is called Conflict Resolution: Between God, Man, and Fellowman.  Whereas forgiveness is for the offended person restoring right relationship with God, reconcilation adds the offender to the mix.  The Bible is clear about the necessity for brothers and sisters in Christ to relate to one another in love, peace, and harmony as much as possible.  When God’s Gift of forgiveness is truly received in our hearts, we are genuinely prepared for the reconciliation to be pursued.  Reconciliation requires two hearts surrendered to a higher judgment, not just one. In some cases complete reconciliation is not possible (eg. Death, imprisonment, lack of safety), but again, the freedom of forgiveness (escape from the pain of offense) is still possible.  The three chapters in Part Three are called Forgiveness and Reconciliation, Reconciliation in Relationships, and Conclusions.  I refer to marriage, church, and community relationships for practical application.    

At the end of each of the three sections I include a few pages of material to encourage looking into more detail on the topic.  These sections are called Follow-up and Practice.  I include End Notes that correspond to numbered references throughout the text.  These references are included in an eight page Bibliography at the end of the book.  These are great resources for further study of the topic.   At the end of the book, I also include a Study Guide.  This study guide presents questions for further exploration and deeper reflection.  The questions can be used for self study or group study.  

Finally, the book includes three Appendices.  Appendix A includes a number additional resources (sample prayers included)  that have been meaningful in my own journey and have helped others in our counseling ministry.   Appendix B is about my personal healing journey including forgiveness.  Appendix C is the content of a pamphlet entitled Overcoming an Abortion that has been distributed by the thousands and helped many find Christ Jesus as a Refuge for their pain.  It highlights the truth of Jesus being our pain bearer and our escape for the debt of our offenses and payment for the debt of offenses against us.  No matter how much guilt or shame we carry, Jesus is our Refuge, and best solution to the pain.  

You may have heard of the three typical responses to emotional pain; flight, fight, or freeze.  Escaping the Pain of Offense is not a book about escaping in the sense of a flight (nor fight, nor freeze) response to pain.  The above details about the book show that substance and sufficient effort  is necessary to become a victor and not a victim. The book is different from other books on the topic of forgiveness in that it emphasizes the inner life transformational growth journey.  Personal growth occurs by embracing forgiveness as an ongoing process of changing our inner person.   

  Forgivenss does not solve all the problems a person may have, but it prepares the heart for answers to be implemented.   I recommend John C. Maxwell’s book called The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth. Maxwell’s book contains a chapter called “The Law of Pain.”  He shares how to turn pain into a growth experience.  Maxwell elaborates on 5 specific ways to grow through struggle.  I would add (perhaps as a per-requisite) “Seek Corrective Understanding and Consistent Practice of Forgiveness” to his list below.  

You grow best when you::

1. Choose a Positive Life Stance

2. Embrace and Develop Your Creativity

3. Embrace the Value of Bad Experiences

4. Make Good Changes after Learning from Bad Experiences

5. Take Responsibility for Your Life

Maxwell’s book will help you with many aspects of personal growth.  But all the growth expertise in the world will not help a heart that is unwilling (or lacks the emotional capacity) to change.  And it’s not all or nothing.  Any part of your heart that resists positive change will hold back the entire growth process.  The human heart changes bit by bit, incident by incident, offense by offense, forgiven offender by forgiven offender, etc.  For the Christian, fully surrendering judgments to God is the path to growth.  A mere decision does not qualify as full surrender.  Thoughts and beliefs must be accompanied by surrender of the soul (mind, will, and emotions).  Growth is only as current as the last time you allowed God to take his rightful place as Judge in life circumstances.  

Is there an area of your life in which you know growth needs to happen?  Maxwell’s book is filled with very insightful practical application to help.  But is there a part of your heart that feels pain,  stress, or negative feelings mentioned at the beginning?  I wrote the book Escaping the Pain of Ofense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart to help people find freedom through forgiveness.  The book has helped many people already.  For those who think their level of understanding and practice of forgiveness is adequate, I encourage you to rethink whether your beliefs are holding you back from God’s best for your life.  I am not saying this to sell more books.  I am sold on the idea that greater measures of truth about forgiveness are essential for positive change.  My book is available online or by contacting me.  I am so convinced of the message that if you cannot afford to buy a copy, I will make it available at cost.   Write me and remind me of this offer.  Check out more about the book at http://book.bluerockbnb.com .

Also write me with your feedback or requests for more input on the topic.  May this not only be the beginning of a successful New Year, but also a new beginning for a brighter future of real, healthy, and new growth in your life!  

#EscapingThePainOfOffense

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

Trash Turned to Treasure

            This is part three of a three part trilogy on the kind of "trash"  known as inner conflict or unresolved heart issues.   Part One (Taking Out the Trash) discussed some of the ways inner pain can  create unhealthy patterns of thinking and tolerating destructive behaviors.  In Part Two (Trash Leads to Crash) I show how these patterns develop into  diseases that destroy our quality of life, and if not dealt with, can lead to disastrous cancer and death.  This  article shows how to overcome and live in freedom as a Christian. 

            We looked at the example of the ancient King David in the Bible.  This godly man became a victim of trash thoughts and actions to the point of also victimizing others around him.  Psalm 51 records some of his response when he finally came to his senses so-to-speak.  Here is what David remembered about God, "Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom" (Psalm 51:6).  His heart of repentance allowed for redemption, even though some consequences had a high cost.  Instead of only feeling sorry for himself (remorse), he demonstrated sorrow for the grief he had caused his victims and God himself (repentance).  His offenses were great, but he recognized and trusted in the greater grace of God to execute mercy and justice to deal with the trash.  The way this occurred in David's life warrants a closer look than this article can provide.

            It seems somewhat ironic that the same inner person David allowed to become twisted toward evil, is the same inner person who became vulnerable to correction and straight living.  To experience the glad center of our being (peace, joy, satisfaction), we must learn to manage the risks and vulnerability of the sad center of our being (shame, guilt, and dissatisfaction).   Correcting "heart issues" cannot be done by denying they exist, minimizing their magnitude, or placing the blame somewhere else.  Shutting down your heart to the potential for "sad," will also shut down any possibilities of "glad."  Another way to see this is to recognize that life brings both sad and glad experiences.  There is no either/ or option, but both/ and is guaranteed. 

            Therefore, moving forward in our journey of life, whether a past experience becomes trash or treasure, is (in large measure), governed by how we decide to respond to it. We become what we focus on.  What we think, is who we become.  Ralph Waldo Emerson is quoted to say, "The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be."  This is true, at least in part, because each person, individually, is the ONLY person who can take complete charge of his thoughts to forge positive change. 

            The vulnerability of our human condition requires us to make an important distinction between guilt and shame.  Brene Brown, researcher at University of Texas, writes and speaks extensively on the topic of shame.  She points out that guilt involves feelings about what people DO, while shame involves feelings about who people ARE.  Guilt convicts a person of their conduct, while shame condemns the person.  When we confuse guilt and shame, we are unable to maintain our self-worth in the face of admitting guilt for wrong actions.  If we think shamefully of ourselves as a worthless, irreparable, unredeemable person, as noted above, we will surely set ourselves up to become that kind of person.  If we think  unashamedly of ourselves as a worthy person capable of repairable and redeemable actions, we can position ourselves for success.   Since our natural human tendency is to think negatively (shamefully) of ourselves, it requires effort to transform our thinking patterns away from shame-based responses.  Brene Brown also points out the error of equating vulnerability with weakness.  Making your heart vulnerable to things outside your comfort zone, is a sign of maturity, not weakness.  When you can acknowledge and face your personal susceptibility to shame-based thinking, you become a stronger person.  I recommend Dr. Brown's books on the topic of shame to gain more insight as to how this works. 

            The heart of mankind can be the source of mischievous desires and bad judgment, but at the same time, it is also the source of genuine satisfaction and fulfillment.  King David's example showed us how to overcome shame (feelings of worthlessness) to find the strength to face his guilt (sinful behavior).  Although anxiety and rest come from the same inner center of being, David fought through his fear and anxiety, so that the treasure of rest and peace of mind could be attained.              Jesus said, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matthew 6:21).  A Christian perspective of treasure begins with a desire to honor God with our thoughts and actions. The more obstacles (trash) we can remove from our hearts the more healed and Christ-like we can become, and thus the more fulfilled and purposeful we can live.

            A book that greatly helped me early in my personal healing journey is called The Life Model: Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You by James Friesen, PhD, et.al.  The authors write the following about how the heart, soul, and mind work together,

            "When the Word of the Lord tells us to love God with our ”heart, soul, and mind” (Matthew 22:37), that includes our whole self. The heart is your eyes for seeing spiritual reality (Ecclesiastes 11:9); literally, the heart is the ”eyes and ears that know God.” The heart is where understanding resides, and is the origin of spiritual discernment. It is particularly influential in shaping a person’s sense of spiritual identity. ”Living from the heart Jesus gave you” is a term that brings identity together with the spiritual reality of who we are. It is a term that says God designed each of us to be a particular kind of person, with characteristics uniquely our own. When we are living from the heart Jesus gave us, we are being the persons He specifically designed. Living this way integrates the soul, where the feelings are, and the mind, where the thinking takes place.

            In talking about our hearts, we need to be careful to note that the heart is not the emotions. Living from our hearts is not simply doing what our feelings tell us. That would be folly. Living from our hearts means that there is an inner directive that, if governed by the Spirit of God, keeps us on a path that is spiritually attuned to who we are and how God is leading. When our hearts are focused on God, we see who we are and know what we are to be doing. The Word of God reminds us that we all had desperately sick hearts (Jeremiah 17:9), and we all need God to heal them. The heart from Jesus is a reborn heart, a heart where He resides. There are many references to a transformed heart throughout scripture. One passage is in the book of Ephesians, where the apostle Paul prays for the new believers in the Ephesian church. ”I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith” (Ephesians 3:16-17). God wants to live in our hearts. When He is there we experience the freedom and power to be the persons He created us to be" (Friesen, et.al. 1999).  

            Tolerating trash in our lives creates a divided heart, invites pests as guests, and allows our enemy to steal the abundance of life that Jesus came to give us (see John 10:10).  However, our hearts can be transformed into treasure, like the process of refining gold into a treasure of treasures.   Living with an undivided center of identity and integrity is the essence of wholeness.  Wholeness of heart is a treasure worth sacrificing for.  It can produce advantages such as preparing for future unannounced storms of life, simplifying and avoiding further complications in relationship, and living an overall healthier and higher quality of existence.  Why would we settle for anything less?

            The purest gold of all is the relationship we can enjoy with Father God.  Our tendency to be defeated by the shame and guilt in our heart is caused by our sin nature.  Jesus is our Savior from this vulnerable condition.   When we accept this treasure in our heart, we are once again restored to living in the presence of Almighy God.  We can experience God as Father, and enjoy all the benefits of sonship (or daughtership) with him. 

            And remember what made the greatest impact on King David's heart to push it in a different direction?  When he realized the One he offended the most by his sinful actions was God Himself.  Relationship with God was his ultimate treasure that he lost.  We too offend God when we offend (mistreat, sin against) other people.  It offends God when we critically judge, prejudge, or misjudge a fellow human being (when they fail to meet our expectations or needs).  These offenses (committed by ourselves or others) have been forgiven by Jesus as our Refuge. We need only to turn offenses over to him for his forgiveness (see John 20:21-23).  The Psalms (many written by David) express this Refuge theme again and again.  That's one reason I make the Psalms part of my daily reading, and I encourage you to do the same.

            I am reminded of a Neil Young 1970's hit song called Heart of Gold. which says, "I want to live, I want to give,  I've been a miner for a heart of gold.  ....   Keep me searchin' for a heart of gold ..."  What if we each sing that song about ourselves?  I think our world could be a much better place if each of us could turn the search inward before searching outward.  Can we really know what we're searching for, if we haven't found it first within?  A final question, "Am I willing to make my heart a "heart of gold," so that "miners" (other people) can discover the gold?"   Go for the gold!  And make the most of the refining process. 

            Disclaimer:  I realize there may be a small percentage of people who read this who have tried as hard  as they can to choose the better way, but feel, for whatever reason, they are unable to do it.  Please do not feel condemned for trying and failing.  Seek help from a trusted friend or counselor, and remember that human flesh may be weak, but God is strong.  God only asks of us what he knows we can handle.  

                Note:   The book Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart discusses themes of dealing with disappointments, offense and finding freedom in forgiveness.  This book is designed to help people (especially in the Christian faith)  to discover and dislodge things in life that lead to defeat. Don't miss out on your chance to use this book as a helpful tool in discovering Refuge in Christ. It can be purchased by clicking here: http://bluerockbnb.com/healing/book_main.htm . If you get anywhere near Pennsylvania for vacation or on business, be sure to look us up for lodging at  http://bluerockbnb.com 

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

Trash Leads to Crash

            This is part two of a three part trilogy on "trash talk."  Part one discussed some of the ways to allow pain to expose unhealthy patterns of thinking and tolerating garbage in our mental and emotional life.  In this article I show how these patterns create diseases that destroy our quality of life and the next article will show how to protect and overcome the destruction. 

            We looked at the example of King David in the Old Testament.  The Bible describes how this godly man allowed trash thoughts and actions to wreck his life and the lives of those around him.  His unchecked desires led to inappropriate entertainment, which led to womanizing, which led to adultery, which led to murder and a cover-up, which all shortened his kingship and damaged his legacy.  This raises a question, "How could David, chosen by God himself to be king,  experience such a hard crash?"   How could a person identified as "a man after God's heart" (1 Samuel 13:14),  become vulnerable to such evil actions?    Merely asking this question hopefully sobers us to some degree into considering our own vulnerability. 

            The Bible offers some valuable insight into the susceptibility of the heart of mankind. Jesus himself taught extensively about inner person health, and shared  many stories to reveal his listeners' true heart condition.  In the first book of the New Testament, the gospel of Matthew 5:21-22 says, “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell."  Jesus is making a very strong connection between holding anger towards a person and the wicked act of killing.  The feelings of anger are not sinful, but allowing anger to turn into bitterness, hatred, and resentment leads to cancer and evil.  The word 'Raca' in this text is similar to the word 'jerk.'  When we turn our attention from judging a person's actions, to critically judging his/her intentions or motives, we are considering them a jerk, and thus unworthy of their Creator's personhood. 

            For example, let's say your boss turns you down for a job promotion.   You may disagree with him/her about your past performance, potential duties, or other specific details of projects.  Your assessment (judgment) may be that the boss isn't understanding, fair, or best for the organization.  Instead of engaging the conflict to work through the differences, you decide to hold your opinions to yourself.  When your "judging" crosses the line to thinking of your boss as a "jerk," you begin to kill the relationship.  Your dislike of actions turns to embittered heart toward the person.  It may happen at once or on a slippery slope.  Perhaps your disappointment causes you to have a keener ear for other people's disagreements with the boss, and you participate in bad-mouthing and rumors (slander and gossip).  Your performance may slip because your attitude towards your work stinks.  Your boss is forced to confront you for a performance issue, and you react with complaining more about him/her, blaming someone else's faults, or justifying your own bad behavior.  Now your bitterness and hatred is turning to full blown rage and it's harder to control your emotions.  You "snap" at other people in your life (co-workers, roommate, spouse, kids) and maybe for comfort you turn to an old bad habit (addiction) you kicked a while ago.  If you're still blaming your boss for all this trouble in your life, your rage and resentment could turn to retaliation, and before you realize it, you're thinking about harming your boss (or someone else).  If these "trash" thoughts and feelings are not interrupted, they could develop into an act of revenge.  That's how trash leads to crash.

            Again, feelings of anger are not automatically a bad thing. Anger (as with many emotions) is a messenger.  Anger is trying to tell you something about a deeper problem of unresolved stress, unmet legitimate needs, or residual shame and guilt. 

Anger is often a "trash detector" emotion.  Failing to pay attention to the message and original source of the anger can entrap the heart and mind in a prison of harmful thoughts and emotions. 

            The last week of February 2015, brought a very sad and cold reality to Lancaster County. Similar scenarios to the above played out in real life in our community.  In two separate incidents, a community leader committed murder.  One is a former pastor of a congregation who looked to him for shepherding.  The other was an assistant principal in a high school with youth looking up to him for guidance.  It is difficult to comprehend how something this horrible can happen.  The families are let to deal with the trauma of the events, but the community is also traumatized. 

            We must remember that these events are "abnormal."  We must guard against these particular leaders' failures from casting an overall critical judgment upon all authority figures.  "Who can we trust?" is a very valid question, for example, but assuming that all leaders are untrustworthy because of the actions of a few, will not serve our community well.  Failure to trust good, solid, trustworthy leaders opens the door even wider for predator-type "leaders" to make their move.  Trustworthy leaders are worthy of the trust of their followers, and the vast majority of community leaders have paid a price to be in the position they occupy--positions earned by trust. 

            Though these tragedies are a very small part of the "big picture," it is worth looking at how they occur to try to keep them from happening.  I mention them to show that just as in the time of King David in the Old Testament, leaders today are also at great risk for moral and personal failures.  When leaders crash, the fallout can be devastating to a community.  Understanding the magnitude of the problem can help the grieving process back to normalcy.   Leaders are judged by their outward performance, but on the inside, their inner person is made of the same stuff as all mankind. 

            We try to conceal pain.  We don't try to be a bad person.  But concealing pain (not dealing with the trash) will lead people to do bad things.  So, in order to intentionally be a good person, we must intentionally deal with conflict and pain.  There is much wisdom in the Proverbs and other parts of the Bible about finding answers on how to do this.   In chapter 5 of the gospel of Matthew quoted above, Jesus taught how to avoid murder by acknowledging anger and turning away from calling people jerks.  In the verses following, Jesus shows adultery (going to bed with a person not your spouse) occurs in your heart (with no physical act involved).  He says, "You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’   But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:27-28).  Looking is not automatically lust, but allowing sexual desire to take your thoughts and feelings to a place only meant for your marriage partner is adultery.  "Moral failures," or "affairs" (euphemisms for adultery) do not occur only with the physical act of sex, but with the first expression of the wayward heart (ie. flirting, emotionally connecting, meeting alone, fixation).  Similar to justifying anger, entertaining lust is like trash that will lead to crash.

            The scenarios above may play out in many variations.  Instead of a boss, it could be any authority figure including a family member or church leader.  In the Church, the incorrect notion that, "Christians are not supposed to feel anger" can hinder the trash collection process.  Over spiritualizing or blaming too much on the devil can also be a common way to evade taking responsibility for inner person health. 

            In sum, the health of our heart determines the health of our entire being. Keeping the heart as free from trash (encumbrances, unresolved stress, and cancerous thought and feelings) as possible will assure the highest quality of life.  May I encourage you each day to take a few moments and briefly examine your heart condition before God.

                Note:   The book Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart discusses themes of dealing with disappointments, offense and finding freedom in forgiveness.  This book is designed to help people (especially in the Christian faith)  to discover and dislodge things in life that lead to defeat. Don't miss out on your chance to use this book as a helpful tool in discovering Refuge in Christ. It can be purchased by clicking here: http://bluerockbnb.com/healing/book_main.htm . If you get anywhere near Pennsylvania for vacation or on business, be sure to look us up for lodging at  http://bluerockbnb.com 

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

Taking Out the Trash

            One of the services of local municipal government in America is trash disposal.  What happens when you neglect to put out on the curb your property's trash container for the weekly pick-up?  It becomes all the more smelly during the next week!  Dealing with the trash may not be a favorite chore, but it must be done;  distributing containers in appropriate spots throughout the house, trash can liners inserted, emptied at least once a week into the curb-side pick-up containers (also lined so hopefully it doesn't need scrubbed every week because of the smell), maybe more or less steps (depending on your standards of cleanliness), and finally, taking the household container to the curb.

            As much as we may dislike the trash removal chores, the alternatives are certainly worse.  Neglecting to remove spoiled food from the refrigerator or soiled diapers from the baby’s room, will create smelly consequences.  And the germs ....  Unclean environments create unhealthy conditions which make unhealthy, sick people.  Proper handling of trash is an essential part of maintaining a healthy household and living a healthy life.  It is a faithful physical reminder of an emotional and spiritual process in our lives.

            Our physical being can be thought of as a "house" we live in while we exist on earth.  Our mental and emotional well-being determines in great measure the condition of our "house" (individual person) and our "neighborhood" (family, friends, etc.). When talking about mental and emotional health, “taking out the trash” may have a slightly different meaning for different people.  Prolonged mental or emotional pain usually means there is some sort of "trash" to be removed.  The trash in this case is likened to some sort of inner woundedness.  We live in a broken world with broken people acting out their brokenness towards their environment (including other people), thus creating more wounding and brokenness.  This cycle affects every person without exception.  Since the beginning of sin's entry into the world, mistreatment, injustice, and even abuse are to be expected.  The hurt we feel as a result does not mean we are weak, just human.  Trying to be "tough," by ignoring or minimizing the effects of mental and emotional pain can create far more significant long term damage than paying attention to it right away.  Pain is not the problem.  Pain is only a messenger.  Heeding pain's message by acknowledging and working it through will help prevent trash buildup in your inner person.  Does this sound like a smelly or frightening chore?  Do not despair.  We have hope in a "trash hauler" even for this kind of trash. 

            The difficult part of this scenario is that until the pain becomes unbearable, mankind is wired to resist inner person trash removal "chores."  Human nature prefers familiarity even when the familiar becomes unhealthy.  Brokenness is accepted and even sometimes celebrated before the ugliness of its unhealthy qualities are discovered. This phenomenon, at least in part,  explains why a person abused as a child will often select abusive people to hang out with as an adult. 

            One of the most prominent examples of someone not taking out the trash in his heart, is  the ancient King David.  What began as unintended (and unchecked) thoughts and feelings ended up with intentional deception, adultery and murder.  David wasn't tuned into the trash until a prophet named Nathan shared a story with him that revealed the truth.  One "misjudgment" upon another was, in reality, one sin upon another (ie. idleness, complacency, visual stimulation, conversation, flirting, lust (confused as love), sweet-talking a woman not his wife (victimizing), affair (adultery), hiding affair, inappropriate suggestions (trickery & manipulation), half truths (lying and cover-up), commanding army (misuse of power, killing, & murder).  See the book of 2 Samuel chapters 11 and 12 in the Bible to read the details.  David and the entire nation of Israel had to suffer grave consequences because of his actions.  What began as "bad judgment" ended in a hard crash.  In my next blog post I plan to talk more about how trash held in a person's heart can lead to this kind of crash.

            For now, let me say that holding anger, bitterness, resentment, envy, jealousy, shame, self-bitterness, worry and other negative feelings create destructive forms of trash that defile our personhood (Hebrews 3:12; 12:15).   Jesus taught that our sinful thoughts and attitudes are as serious as our actions (Matthew 5:21-22).  Sometimes we even try to justify actions as "gray areas," to make excuse for what we know is wrong. 

            If you experience lingering unrest in your soul, conflict in a relationship, mood swings, worry, doubts about who you are or your purpose for being, or other negative feelings that leave you confused or doubtful about the future, let me encourage you to make a commitment to finding the source and getting rid of the trash.  Here are some questions to ask yourself to help with this task.

• Is there a person(s) in your life you try to avoid having contact with? 
• Is there someone you are focused on to meet a need in your life, but they do not seem to share the same commitment or provide assistance? 
• Do you have a habit you are afraid to admit might be an addiction? 
• Are you not eating or losing sleep because of an obsession to success on a work project? 
• Are you dabbling in something that you are afraid will ruin your reputation if the wrong person finds out about it? 
• Is there a particular place, specific event, or regular activity, that triggers negative feelings (especially with unknown reason)?
• Do you occasionally stretch the truth (tell a lie) for "convenience" sake? 
• Are different people trying to tell you the same thing about a part of your character that you really don't want to hear? 
• Do other people think you are less open minded as you believe you are? 
• Are you addicted to porn or some substance but don't know what to do about it? 
• Do you think about killing yourself or someone else in order to solve a problem?   

              The more questions to which you answer "yes," the more likely your standards of "heart cleanliness" may be deficient.  It also means you may be at greater  risk for doing something dangerous or tragic.  If the task of removing the trash seems too overwhelming, seek help from a trusted friend and competent counselor.  If you are planning right now to harm someone, go Immediately to an ER (emergency room).  DO NOT HESITATE! 

            If you are a confessing Christian (trusting Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord), you are not automatically exempt from the task of taking out the trash.  In all reverence and respect for what Christ accomplished through his death and resurrection, let us recognize that Jesus came to be our trash hauler.  He saves us from our sins, and heals the  pain of the consequences of the sins (Isaiah 53:4).  Our trash is hauled away through repentance.  We put our trash in a container and turn it over to him.   Confession and repentance is obviously recognized as a means to receive forgiveness of a grievous sin like murder, but we also need to repent even if we have simply harbored wrong attitudes and thoughts and committed less heinous actions. 

            Jesus is the way into Father's presence where there is no trash to be encountered.  You are now on a journey to receive more and more of God's presence with Father as the destination.  Your conversion experience did not remove all the trash at one time.  It began the process of taking out the trash that keeps you from having a more intimate fellowship with Father God (even now before your final destination is reached). 

            If you need help from a counselor, it does not make you less of a Christian.  If you are a leader, you are at even greater risk.  Do not allow pride to minimize the dangers.  A crash similar to King David's would not only hurt your own life, but many others as well. 

            God wants the trash gone even more than you do.  God wants to know you as he made you in his original design before trash (sin) entered the world.  Oh to know God, and be known by Him.  That should be our greatest motivator of all for taking out the trash!    

                Note:   The book Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart discusses themes of dealing with disappointments, offense and finding freedom in forgiveness.  This book is designed to help people (especially in the Christian faith)  to discover and dislodge things in life that lead to defeat. Don't miss out on your chance to use this book as a helpful tool in discovering Refuge in Christ. It can be purchased by clicking here: http://bluerockbnb.com/healing/book_main.htm . If you get anywhere near Pennsylvania for vacation or on business, be sure to look us up for lodging at  http://bluerockbnb.com