Family Forever

Adult children who forsake their parents seems to be more common in recent times. It is evidently an age-old problem however, since Solomon addresses it in the Proverbs.  “Whoever robs their father and drives out their mother, is a child who brings shame and disgrace.” (Proverbs 19:26; NIV).

One of the ways so-called “cancel culture” manifests, is by cutting off relationship with a person(s) deemed unlikable or unworthy for some reason, even if no rational reason for harm is present. It should go without saying that this is a practice opposed to godliness and biblical truth.  But it is amazing to me how much I hear of people who call themselves Christ-followers who simply refuse to communicate with people they once called friends. This becomes even more egregious when the person(s) cut off is a family member(s). And when parents are cut off by their children, it is especially “shameful and disgracefull” as the Proverb puts it.

God is a God of reconciliation. God calls his followers to be ministers of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5). Offense is inevitable in the context of the broken world in which we live. At times we may be on one side of offense or the other; the offended person, or the offending person. But God calls us to forgive always, and reconcile whenever possible. Since it takes two to reconcile, and we can’t control the other person(s), we must be committed to pursue making things right in our own hearts to the greatest degree possible. Reconciling leaves no room for “cancelling” or deeming someone (or a situation) irredeemable. 

we are called to treat people with honor and respect (Colossians 3:13). A person’s identity is not the same as their behavior. Even if a person’s behavior is bad, and guilt is real, God can forgive upon their confession and repentance.  and so In condemning bad behavior, we must value the person as a child of God and worthy of His redeeming grace. When people do things that irritate or hurt us, silence and avoidance is not an option. We must try to not allow wounds to fester, so that relationships are not halted by unresolved conflict.

This is especially true in family, as our closest earthly relationships. God ordained family for survival  and training of the young, contribution to community as adults, and sustainability for the human race. As humans we do not have a choice who our parents are. We are born to parents of God’s choosing  and into family by God’s design. We may choose who we want our friends to be, but our blood relatives are chosen for us.

Thus, any ill treatment and dishonoring by adults towards their parents can be viewed as an act of rebellion against God. In fact, this is so important in God’s sight, that it is included as one of the ten commandments (see Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5). The importance Is emphasized even more by Paul making a direct quote (of the Old Testament scriptures) to the Ephesian church, “Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise,  so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land” (Ephesians 6:2-3; HCSB). Life going well is directly linked to how one treats their parents.

Life will not go well for anyone who tries to cut off relationship with their parent(s). And cutting off their children’s relationship with their parents (their children’s grandparents) is especially dishonoring. Besides their parents, the second  most important relationship in a child’s life is their grandparents. For parents to deliberately withhold or discourage their developing child’s relationship with their grandparents is acting in contempt of God’s order of things. An obvious exception is when the grandparent(s) pose some sort of harm to the children. But simply having a conflict with the parents, should not preclude their children from having a relationship with their grandparents.

Recently, I’ve encountered a number of parents with adult children casting the parents out of their lives (for no rational reason), and refusing to want to reconcile. This month is when we celebrate the birth of the King of Reconciliation. Jesus “came to seek and to save the lost” (Luke 19:10). Whatever was lost through conflict and separation, God can mend. Jesus saves. But it takes willing hearts.

Christmas is meant to be a time to celebrate with joy, the arrival of the Savior of the world. I pray that during this season, steps toward healing broken family relationships can be taken. I pray the joy of family unity will be restored by the power of what Jesus accomplished by coming to this earth and redeeming mankind.  For those reading this and not having family struggles, please pray for those who are experiencing seemingly unresolvable conflict. When one person in the family hurts, the whole family hurts. When one family hurts, it contributes to a community of hurting families .  Many hurting families contribute to hurting churches, communities,  and a hurting nation. Pray for God’s people to be His  reconcilers, as family forever.

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

Boehms Chapel Healing

            Most of the earliest European settlers in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, were Anabaptists fleeing religious persecution in their homelands.  In 1725 Martin Boehm was born into a Mennonite family several miles from our current residence.  Boehm became a pastor and bishop in the Mennonite church, and his heart for God to be glorified, and passion to see people encounter God in a deeper way, drove his desire to unite Christians beyond denominational boundaries.   His widely successful efforts got him in trouble with his own Mennonite bishop brethren, and he was excommunicated in 1800. 

            Martin and Eve Boehm's son Henry became a minister and a prominent leader in the early Methodist church.  The Boehm family dedicated some land from their farm and built Boehm's Chapel in 1791 on the current site of Boehm's UMC church in Willow Street, Pa.  On June 26, 2016 my wife and I attended the 225th anniversary celebration at the Boehm's Chapel.  The ceremony was attended by people representing many Church denominations.  The service included reminders of the importance of understanding heritage, comments from current UMC and Mennonite leaders, and honoring of those who have worked on the present-day restoration of the chapel. 

            At the end of the service in the chapel an invitation was given to gather around the grave site of Martin Boehm just outside the building.  For those with Anabaptist heritage, and I believe for all people living in Lancaster County and beyond, a most significant event took place.  Several Mennonite bishops and local pastors were present to comment and read a resolution adopted by the Mennonite Board of Bishops in February of this year.  The proceedings rescinded Martin Boehm's excommunication 216 years earlier, confessed to sins of slander etc. of a servant of God, repented and asked God's forgiveness, and requested and declared a spirit of reconciliation to bring restoration and healing in the Body of Christ.    

            Why is this significant?  Because forgiveness and reconciliation is at the heart of the gospel.   Christians are commissioned not just to study and talk about forgiving and reconciling, but to practice and grow in it as a way of life.  As Bishop Weaver recognized, "we took prideful comfort in the areas where Holy Spirit had traction among us, priding ourselves in our singing, giving, charity and clean living. But the Scriptures are quite clear that “what is not of faith, misses the mark.” The blessed apostle said in his first letter to the church in Corinth: “If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.” Therefore, we renounce our pride, which was the cardinal sin of the enemy, and embrace the humble way of Jesus Christ."  When we practice Christ's commission not only as individuals, but as a corporate Body, we build a foundation that no enemy can tear down, not even the devil himself!   

            Most significant of all is the impact of forgiveness and reconciliation on the spiritual climate of a region.  And the spiritual climate is the most important element in forging positive transformation in a community and culture.  I heartily thank all who helped make the event happen at the chapel.  I also thank other forerunners like Dr. Robert Doe who (over the past two decades) have brought together representatives  of past generations (both offenders and those offended) to facilitate healing of old wounds.  Dr. Doe reminds us of William Penn's vision in the Foreward of my book Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart, "The Kingdom of God was to be reflected in the society of Pennsylvania. In Luke 9 and 10, this is revealed to be peace, healing, deliverance and new life. In addition to religious and political liberty, Philadelphia was also the site of the first institutions of healing in the New World. The first hospital, medical school, pharmacy school, mental hospital, nursing school, osteopathic institute and other medical centers were developed in southeast Pennsylvania as the first of their kind in the United States. Therefore, it could also be expected that healing ministry and practical new models of Christian medical care should be a fruit of the historical blessing of our region."  Lancaster County has been at the heart of William Penn’s vision to see Kingdom of God principles expressed in community life.  Healing of broken relationships between individuals and groups of people is essential for the transformation (healing) and fulfillment of a destiny of a community.    

            Many pictures can be used to describe the work of the Holy Spirit in transformation;  ie. doors opening, gates unbarred, river waters flowing, holy fire falling, purity fire consuming.  Only God knows precisely which doors are opened and which gates are unbarred to advance God's purpose and Kingdom in our region through the Boehm's Chapel event.   May we continue to follow the leading of Holy Spirit and obey the call of God for our destiny both as individuals and as a corporate people of God.  May God release a fresh anointing of inspiration, initiation, innovation, and trend setting in holistic living and spiritual revival to spread across our land.  As in the days of ancient Israel, our attention to God can make a difference as recorded, " if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land" (2 Chronicles 7:14). 

             

Note:   A book I authored Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart discusses truth for dealing with disappointments, offense and finding freedom through forgiveness (from a Christian perspective).  See more info. by clicking here: http://bluerockbnb.com/healing/book_main.htm . 

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

Reconciliation: Making Things Friendly

           Forgiving is not the same as reconciling.  In researching the topic of forgiveness for a doctoral degree a number of years ago, the discovery of the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation was the single most life changing discovery of the project.  Remember, forgiving means surrendering to God the right to judge (an offense).   Forgiving restores relationship with God, whereas reconciliation restores relationship human to human (the offender. with those offended).  The good news for the offended is that the  freedom of forgiveness is not tied to the offender's ability (or willingness) to reconcile.  Another important thing to learn is that trying to reconcile before forgiving may actually cause more harm to a relationship than not attempting to reconcile at all.  Forgiveness prepares your heart and helps make your attitude more responsive rather than reactive.  Let me explain more here. 

            First, let's define reconciliation.  According to Webster's dictionary it is “the act of causing two people or groups to become friendly again after an argument or disagreement.”   Reconciling is often not an easy choice.  It may require humility and vulnerability to let other people see who you really are on the inside.  It usually requires confrontation.  The self-confrontation involved in forgiving is one thing, but confronting another person because of an offense can be very scary.  The lack of willingness to confront is often the greatest barrier to reconciliation. 

            Like forgiving, reconciling is not an option for a Christian. It is a mandate.  We must take very seriously the responsibility of attempting to "set things right."   In the previous article called The Commission to Forgive (posted 11/1/15), I quoted a passage from the Apostle Paul's letter to the first century Corinthian church which includes the statement that Christ himself “has committed to us the ministry of reconciliation” (see 2 Corinthians 5:15-20).  So, what might the results of this ministry of reconciliation look like?  I encourage you to read the entire fourth chapter of Ephesians to get a good snapshot of an answer to that question.  Some of the phrases that jump out are these, “live a life worthy,” “be completely humble and  gentle,” ”be patient, bearing one another in love,”  “keep the unity,” “speaking the truth in love,” “grow and build up,” “put off your old self,” “put on the new self,” “be made new in the attitudes of your mind,” and “do not let the sun go down on your anger.”  Summarizing the chapter, “ Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  ...  Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:29:32).   Reconciling is meant to benefit not only the offended, but the offender as well.  When relationships are restored and functioning well, the community at large will also benefit.  Church, business, government, and other organizations thrive on healthy relationships between individuals.  

            It takes at least one party to initiate reconciliation.  It takes two parties to obey the mandate for completing reconciliation.  One of the most common reasons for relational breakup and disunity is a disagreement, disappointment, or offense that has never been processed through.  It is not okay to walk away from a relationship, group, or situation just because you become angry or hurt by things that didn't go your way.  It is okay to have desires, preferences, and high expectations of character  (remembering that no one is perfect), but it is not okay to avoid healthy confrontation of brokenness that causes relational separation and division.  I discuss healthy conflict in a separate article. 

            In the previous article I stated, “Surrendering your right to judge doesn't mean you are surrendering your rights for justice to be served.”  In fact, when the “heart work” of forgiveness begins to produce its good fruit, it requires the action steps (toward reconciliation) to deliver the results to the world around you.  Forgiving an offender does not mean the offender is relieved of due consequences to be paid for an offense.  For example, in the case of abuse, forgiving an abuser is different from holding the abuser accountable for his or her actions.  The safety of the victim must be established and if the abuser's actions are criminal behavior, the laws must be enforced to protect from further victimization and give the victimizer an opportunity to turn away from the sin of abuse and be restored as a person with worth and dignity.  The abuse victim may or may not ever be reconciled to the abuser, but the power of forgiveness can free the victim of the damage caused by the victimization.  The more completely forgiveness is achieved, the greater the degree of freedom to be lived. 

            It is also true that the more completely forgiveness is achieved (the more an offense is surrendered to God), the more prepared an offended person is to attempt reconciliation.  It only takes one party to forgive.  It takes two parties to reconcile.  Remember, there are two sides to every offense (the offender and the offended), and you may find yourself on either side at any given time in a relationship or circumstance.  If the offense seems unintentional on the part of the offender,  forgiveness may be exercised by the offended, but for reconciliation to be complete, the offender may still need to become involved.  Perhaps for example, a minor miscommunication of traveling directions by Jane causes John to be late for an important appointment.  John may forgive Jane and decide it's not worth mentioning Jane's mistake to her.  John may even hold himself responsible for not double checking or using a different source to find the information he needed.  But then another similar incident occurs between Jane and John, and John has a harder time to forgive and the need to reconcile becomes more evident.      

            The teaching of Jesus addresses the issue of repeat offendenses among brothers and sisters in Christ.   One reference is in Matthew 18:15-17.  I'll not go into detail here, but when reconciliation is attempted by the person offended, and the offender wants nothing to do with reconciliation or justice, it is time to get help from a friend or advocate.  Forgiveness, without pursuing reconciliation or justice, may only make the situation worse for everyone. 

            Sometimes offensive behaviors get excused as personality traits, styles of leadership, attributes of  professionalism, or “everybody does it” generalities.  They may even pose as necessity to keep the peace, tolerable as long as no one is getting hurt, or as a short-term loss to achieve a long-term benefit 

However, the truth, requires pain with gain, no short-cuts to relational integrity, confrontation to achieve inner peace, and trustworthy character to facilitate trust.  Leaders can fall into the trap of offense as quickly as anyone else.  Look at Moses for example.  One of the strongest leaders of the ancient Israeli people, witnessed an incident of severe injustice against a kinsman.  Although his intentions were good in trying to help his fellow Hebrew brothers and sisters, his attitude and behaviors that led to killing an Egyptian slave-driver back-fired.  Moses had to escape and live in hiding for 40 years as a result of his mistake.  Attempting short-cuts, when it comes to forgiving and reconciling,often erect negative relational walls that create confusion, erode authenticity, prohibit collaboration, and ultimately destroy trust and  trustworthiness.

            People are not the enemy.  People's actions (offenses) are the enemy.  We have a great Enemy who uses offenses (people's actions) in an attempt to divide and conquer.  We must be wise to this tactic and vigilant to resist the trap of offense.  People align with  the enemy when they refuse to reconcile. 

            Sometimes you can become an "enemy" of  yourself.   A person's perception of low self-worth and poor self-concept is at the core of all human problems.  God gave his only Son Jesus as our saving grace to reconcile us back to the Father.  Father creates worth and value into each child born into the human race.  The broken pieces of the human heart are reconciled back to Father through Jesus Christ (again see 2 Corinthian 5:15-20).  Your true value is based on who God made you to be as His son or daughter.  It's not based on what you have done or failed to do.   Believing in Jesus and surrendering your heart to God means you are relying on Christ's completed work of reconciliation.  It does not mean you have to come up with the strength to forgive and reconcile, but rely on the strength God gives you (see Matthew 11:28-29).  You have a choice to rely on the power of God every time you are offended.  Why not do it?

            Some offenses seem more difficult to forgive and reconcile than others.  Examples might be infidelity of a spouse, murder or other crime against a family member , or severe injustice of a tribal nature.   When God's power is invited into the situation, hope is much more free to win over a hopeless cause.   After reconciling with God (receiving his unconditional love), reconciling with fellowman becomes easier.  This is a continual process.  Christ's work is complete, but our work of cooperating must be ongoing. 

            May I encourage you to take the following steps toward deepening a commitment to reconciliation as a more common practice in your life.  First, identify an area of unforgiveness or unreconciled problem you have toward another person.  Next, if forgiveness is not complete, make a list of all the actions that caused offense (hurtful words spoken, mistreatments, negligence, transgressions).  Be as specific as possible.  Pray, confess, repent for any of your own reactive judgments, and forgive. Next, (if you believe you have surrendered your judgments to God), pray and discern strategy to address the offense with the offender.  Go in a spirit of humility and empathy, recognizing the flip side of offense is in your own life as well.  Keep the circle of people who know about the offense as small as is necessary to bring resolution.  Do not engage in slander or gossip to make yourself become  an offender.  After completing the actions you believe are necessary to bring resolution, and there still is no resolution, commit to following the path of asking an advocate to go with you (as outlined in Matthew 18:15-17) if the offender is a brother or sister in Christ.    Otherwise, pursue the matter  with the appropriate systems of justice to bring resolution.   Obviously, in cases of abuse or endangerment, the above steps should be abandoned to seek help immediately, outside the inner circle of the problem. 

            If you believe you've tried the steps outlined above and you still feel "stuck," it is probably time to get the help of a trusted friend or counselor.  Try going back to step one and examine forgiveness.  Be willing to allow God to show you a deeper level of forgiveness.  God is most glorified when we allow him to lead us through this process.  If there are numerous situations in your life that need to be reconciled, start with a small one, work it through to success, and don't become overwhelmed by trying too many, too soon. 

            One more tip is to discern whether the offender needs to be involved at all.  The offense may be small enough for you to simply need to forgive.  If you are 100% sure of what you are letting go, and totally certain the efforts of attempting to engage the other party would outweigh any potential benefits, let it go.  Misunderstandings, errors, and accidents are just part of our broken human condition.  Take the Beatles' advice and "Let It Be!" 

            When it must be, be a reconciler.  A real friend will want to be reconciled.  Be a friend, and  make things friendly again. 

                Note:   In Chapters Seven and Eight of the book Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart, the topic of reconciliation is discussed in more detail.  This book is designed to help people (especially in the Christian faith)  to discover and dislodge things in life that lead to defeat. Don't miss out on your chance to use this book as a helpful tool in discovering Refuge in Christ   More can be discovered by clicking here: http://bluerockbnb.com/healing/book_main.htm
by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

The Great Commission to Forgive

    When you hear the term "great commission" in the context of the Bible, what do you think of? The first four books of the New Testament are narratives written about the life of Jesus. Jesus gave his followers specific instructions about continuing his ministry when he left the earth. Christ's Great Commission is described similarly by Matthew 28, Mark 16, and Luke 24. Most people focus on evangelizing and discipleship to categorize the activities described by the Great Commission. "Go and make disciples of all nations, ... teaching ..." (Matthew 28:19-20).

    John's gospel narrative is very different from the other three in many ways, and particularly in describing the Great Commission. John records this, "Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.”  And with that he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven” John 20:21-23. His view of evangelism and discipleship takes on an inside out perspective.

    In contrast to the other three, John describes the Great Commission as a lifestyle of modeling forgiveness. Understanding and practicing forgiveness is central to the Christian faith, however, too few Christians make it a central part of their lives. In my book Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart, I discuss some of the consequences of this deficiency including relational conflict, mental health problems, and lower quality of life. For many, instead of fulfilling the Great Commission of representing Christ's forgiveness to the world, they fall to what I would call the Great Omission neglecting the role of forgiveness in their faith.

    A common omission is failing to allow God to be the Lord and final Judge of people and circumstances in our lives. In becoming a Christian, the conversion experience includes recognizing the need for a Savior (Jesus) and receiving God's forgiveness into a new birth. At that point forgiveness is not finished, but it only begins. The forgiveness received from God by a believer (at conversion) is now to be given to others. The initial surrendering to God grows into an on-going relationship that involves deeper surrender and should involve greater capacity to forgive and be forgiven. That is the subject matter of my book (title mentioned above).

    One of the simplest definitions of forgiveness I've discovered is surrendering to God the right to judge. Offense is a common part of life. At one point or another, we all offend, and we all become offended. In a particular incident, we may find ourselves on one side of an offense or the other, the guilty, or the guilty's object. When we are on the guilty side of an offense, desiring to be forgiven may come to our thoughts more quickly than when we are offended with our thoughts first turning to trying to find someone else to blame. Sometimes guilt is difficult to ascribe to one party or another. Pre-judgments, mis-judgments, and critical-judgments make it even harder, but surrender is always an essential element of forgiveness. Surrendering your right to judge doesn't mean you are surrendering your rights for justice to be served. God is a perfect Judge, executing perfect justice and perfect mercy simultaneously (see chapter 3 of my book for an explanation). When you surrender to God the final rights of judgment, it puts your heart in a condition to focus on a hopeful future instead of a hopeless past. For both the offender and the one offended, a journey of redemption is possible.

    For a Christian, forgiveness is not an option but a mandate. Another theme I unpack in my book is the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. In many cases, forgiveness sets the stage for reconciliation. The New Testament Apostle Paul describes the Christian life as a "ministry of reconciliation." He says, "And he {Jesus} died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. ...  Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!  All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:  that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.  We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors ..." 2 Corinthians 5:15-20). First, let me comment on the phrase "the old is gone, the new is here." Some interpret this to mean Jesus has accomplished forgiveness of sins, and therefore the practice of forgiveness is no longer necessary. Yes, Jesus has completed the work of forgiveness by dying on the Cross and being resurrected to dwell with the Father. No, it does not mean our part is done. Surrendering our hearts to Jesus at a conversion experience is only the beginning of the journey in forgiveness. Jesus uses the illustration of occupying a house to show how our life with Him progresses. In buying a house we receive the legal title and deed, but we still may have to paint, hang curtains, move furniture, and make it a home. Even after habitation, some rooms may need work and remain "projects" for some time. So too, in our hearts, our understanding and practice of forgiveness must continue on a path of cooperation with God to make our being a more inhabitable dwelling for his presence, and useful tool in His hand for the ministry of reconciliation.

    A second thing to note is that, "he has committed to us the message of reconciliation." Both being reconciled to God through Jesus, and being reconciled to one another as human beings reinforces John's perspective of the Great Commission. If Christ followers aren't modeling forgiveness and reconciliation, who will? The symbol of the cross gives us a picture of the vertical and horizontal connection of relationships. As we receive God's forgiveness to restore our relationship with Him (vertically reconciled), He empowers us to forgive and reconcile with fellow human beings (horizontal reconciliation), and help some find their own relationship with God restored and freed to help others as well. This is the eternal purpose and perspective for our lifespan on earth.

    Guilt for sin has traditionally been recognized as the main thing standing in the way of this reconciliation. I have recently come to view shame as an even greater hindrance. Guilt and shame are two different problems. While guilt links a person to their behavior, shame attacks the person for who they are. Guilt focuses on the "doing," while shame focuses on the "being." Guilt says, "I did a bad thing." Shame says, "I am bad." Guilty actions can be amended with restitution, but pronouncing shame condemns irreparably. Whether true guilt is present or not, many shaming the self results in self-condemnation, self-bitterness, and self-rejection. Shame creates condemning judgments, magnifies feelings of low self-worth, and separates our heart and mind from God as the master Designer of our being and the loving Father relationship he desires for us.

    God never shames his sons and daughters. When you feel shame it is not from God. Shame tells you that you are not worthy of receiving God's forgiveness (as an offender). When you are on the other side of forgiveness as the one offended, shame tells you the offender is not worthy of your forgiveness or God's forgiveness. This shaming often disguises itself in some form of critical judgment. When you are tempted to think of someone else as a jerk, loser, or good-for-nothing, you must surrender to God the right to judge that person or situation and repent for any wrongful actions you may have already taken. Our bad reactions toward other people are often rooted in the shame residing in our own inner person. Reconciling our relationship with Father God must include identifying the shame we carry by allowing God to show us where it may be hidden, and surrendering it into His care.

    God is looking for followers who will allow the Son Jesus to carry the offenses of this world for them. Our world is a broken place to live. We cannot escape offense, but we can escape the pain of offense. The distinguishing mark of a Christian in this world should be to view offense as an opportunity for God's love to pierce the power of offense, and allow His Son Jesus to redeem the offenses one by one in our lives. Forgiveness is God's idea and plan to accomplish his purpose for his people. Facing offense head on may cause some temporary pain. Allowing yourself to feel the pain, affords you an opportunity to experience God in a more meaningful way. That can never be a bad thing. We must practice receiving God's love in greater measure so we can give his gift of love to others as part of the great commission. We must grow in our capacity to receive God's love and become the person he intends for us to be. His love grows in our hearts when our judgments are surrendered to him.

It's time the Church deals with her offenses. The brokenness offense causes is evident all around us. Why can't we admit offense for what it is? Have we adopted a "religiously correct" speech similar to "political correctness." I like to think of what would happen if instead of using the term "church split" we would call it a "garbage heap of unresolved offenses." Much of what we call "disunity," is in reality a lack of willingness to work through offenses. Granted, there are many other real problems contributing to our proneness to offense such as unhealthy perspectives of conflict, lack of communication, and lack of trust and trustworthiness. But the greatest impact to be made on our corporate offenses is for each individual to examine his own heart in honesty and humility before God to expose and correct offense as the great commission mandates. This also fulfills the vision of the ancient Psalmist who wrote, "Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them" Psalm 119:16; KJV9. We all want peace of mind and heart, but it comes with conditions. These are not overbearing, but conditions for which our loving Father stands with open arms ready to receive our participation.

    When someone offends you, you must be careful not to confuse their guilt with shaming the person (or persons). Condemning judgment toward God, yourself, or other people must be recognized as a chief enemy of forgiveness and reconciliation. Think of someone you believe has judged or offended you. Are you willing to release judgment of the person(s) who has done you wrong? Whether intentionally or unintentionally on the other person's part, the grip of the pain is in your power to release. Are you willing to surrender it to God right now for his judgment? I guarantee this will be the most freeing thing you can do. I can make this guarantee because I practice this regularly, and I help many other people do the same. In doing so you are fulfilling the Great Commission and helping to prepare others for finding their guilt and shame surrendered to God.

    I leave you with an exhortation to stop what you are doing right now amf read Psalm 32. May your 2016 be filled with Psalm 32 blessings!

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm+32&version=NIV

(click here to read Psalm 32)

Note: For more on how to understand and practice forgiveness see some of my other articles posted on the blog site. I welcome your feedback and an opportunity to discuss this topic further with your study or prayer group. Please contact me to talk in person or via media technology.

 by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

Trash Turned to Treasure

            This is part three of a three part trilogy on the kind of "trash"  known as inner conflict or unresolved heart issues.   Part One (Taking Out the Trash) discussed some of the ways inner pain can  create unhealthy patterns of thinking and tolerating destructive behaviors.  In Part Two (Trash Leads to Crash) I show how these patterns develop into  diseases that destroy our quality of life, and if not dealt with, can lead to disastrous cancer and death.  This  article shows how to overcome and live in freedom as a Christian. 

            We looked at the example of the ancient King David in the Bible.  This godly man became a victim of trash thoughts and actions to the point of also victimizing others around him.  Psalm 51 records some of his response when he finally came to his senses so-to-speak.  Here is what David remembered about God, "Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom" (Psalm 51:6).  His heart of repentance allowed for redemption, even though some consequences had a high cost.  Instead of only feeling sorry for himself (remorse), he demonstrated sorrow for the grief he had caused his victims and God himself (repentance).  His offenses were great, but he recognized and trusted in the greater grace of God to execute mercy and justice to deal with the trash.  The way this occurred in David's life warrants a closer look than this article can provide.

            It seems somewhat ironic that the same inner person David allowed to become twisted toward evil, is the same inner person who became vulnerable to correction and straight living.  To experience the glad center of our being (peace, joy, satisfaction), we must learn to manage the risks and vulnerability of the sad center of our being (shame, guilt, and dissatisfaction).   Correcting "heart issues" cannot be done by denying they exist, minimizing their magnitude, or placing the blame somewhere else.  Shutting down your heart to the potential for "sad," will also shut down any possibilities of "glad."  Another way to see this is to recognize that life brings both sad and glad experiences.  There is no either/ or option, but both/ and is guaranteed. 

            Therefore, moving forward in our journey of life, whether a past experience becomes trash or treasure, is (in large measure), governed by how we decide to respond to it. We become what we focus on.  What we think, is who we become.  Ralph Waldo Emerson is quoted to say, "The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be."  This is true, at least in part, because each person, individually, is the ONLY person who can take complete charge of his thoughts to forge positive change. 

            The vulnerability of our human condition requires us to make an important distinction between guilt and shame.  Brene Brown, researcher at University of Texas, writes and speaks extensively on the topic of shame.  She points out that guilt involves feelings about what people DO, while shame involves feelings about who people ARE.  Guilt convicts a person of their conduct, while shame condemns the person.  When we confuse guilt and shame, we are unable to maintain our self-worth in the face of admitting guilt for wrong actions.  If we think shamefully of ourselves as a worthless, irreparable, unredeemable person, as noted above, we will surely set ourselves up to become that kind of person.  If we think  unashamedly of ourselves as a worthy person capable of repairable and redeemable actions, we can position ourselves for success.   Since our natural human tendency is to think negatively (shamefully) of ourselves, it requires effort to transform our thinking patterns away from shame-based responses.  Brene Brown also points out the error of equating vulnerability with weakness.  Making your heart vulnerable to things outside your comfort zone, is a sign of maturity, not weakness.  When you can acknowledge and face your personal susceptibility to shame-based thinking, you become a stronger person.  I recommend Dr. Brown's books on the topic of shame to gain more insight as to how this works. 

            The heart of mankind can be the source of mischievous desires and bad judgment, but at the same time, it is also the source of genuine satisfaction and fulfillment.  King David's example showed us how to overcome shame (feelings of worthlessness) to find the strength to face his guilt (sinful behavior).  Although anxiety and rest come from the same inner center of being, David fought through his fear and anxiety, so that the treasure of rest and peace of mind could be attained.              Jesus said, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matthew 6:21).  A Christian perspective of treasure begins with a desire to honor God with our thoughts and actions. The more obstacles (trash) we can remove from our hearts the more healed and Christ-like we can become, and thus the more fulfilled and purposeful we can live.

            A book that greatly helped me early in my personal healing journey is called The Life Model: Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You by James Friesen, PhD, et.al.  The authors write the following about how the heart, soul, and mind work together,

            "When the Word of the Lord tells us to love God with our ”heart, soul, and mind” (Matthew 22:37), that includes our whole self. The heart is your eyes for seeing spiritual reality (Ecclesiastes 11:9); literally, the heart is the ”eyes and ears that know God.” The heart is where understanding resides, and is the origin of spiritual discernment. It is particularly influential in shaping a person’s sense of spiritual identity. ”Living from the heart Jesus gave you” is a term that brings identity together with the spiritual reality of who we are. It is a term that says God designed each of us to be a particular kind of person, with characteristics uniquely our own. When we are living from the heart Jesus gave us, we are being the persons He specifically designed. Living this way integrates the soul, where the feelings are, and the mind, where the thinking takes place.

            In talking about our hearts, we need to be careful to note that the heart is not the emotions. Living from our hearts is not simply doing what our feelings tell us. That would be folly. Living from our hearts means that there is an inner directive that, if governed by the Spirit of God, keeps us on a path that is spiritually attuned to who we are and how God is leading. When our hearts are focused on God, we see who we are and know what we are to be doing. The Word of God reminds us that we all had desperately sick hearts (Jeremiah 17:9), and we all need God to heal them. The heart from Jesus is a reborn heart, a heart where He resides. There are many references to a transformed heart throughout scripture. One passage is in the book of Ephesians, where the apostle Paul prays for the new believers in the Ephesian church. ”I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith” (Ephesians 3:16-17). God wants to live in our hearts. When He is there we experience the freedom and power to be the persons He created us to be" (Friesen, et.al. 1999).  

            Tolerating trash in our lives creates a divided heart, invites pests as guests, and allows our enemy to steal the abundance of life that Jesus came to give us (see John 10:10).  However, our hearts can be transformed into treasure, like the process of refining gold into a treasure of treasures.   Living with an undivided center of identity and integrity is the essence of wholeness.  Wholeness of heart is a treasure worth sacrificing for.  It can produce advantages such as preparing for future unannounced storms of life, simplifying and avoiding further complications in relationship, and living an overall healthier and higher quality of existence.  Why would we settle for anything less?

            The purest gold of all is the relationship we can enjoy with Father God.  Our tendency to be defeated by the shame and guilt in our heart is caused by our sin nature.  Jesus is our Savior from this vulnerable condition.   When we accept this treasure in our heart, we are once again restored to living in the presence of Almighy God.  We can experience God as Father, and enjoy all the benefits of sonship (or daughtership) with him. 

            And remember what made the greatest impact on King David's heart to push it in a different direction?  When he realized the One he offended the most by his sinful actions was God Himself.  Relationship with God was his ultimate treasure that he lost.  We too offend God when we offend (mistreat, sin against) other people.  It offends God when we critically judge, prejudge, or misjudge a fellow human being (when they fail to meet our expectations or needs).  These offenses (committed by ourselves or others) have been forgiven by Jesus as our Refuge. We need only to turn offenses over to him for his forgiveness (see John 20:21-23).  The Psalms (many written by David) express this Refuge theme again and again.  That's one reason I make the Psalms part of my daily reading, and I encourage you to do the same.

            I am reminded of a Neil Young 1970's hit song called Heart of Gold. which says, "I want to live, I want to give,  I've been a miner for a heart of gold.  ....   Keep me searchin' for a heart of gold ..."  What if we each sing that song about ourselves?  I think our world could be a much better place if each of us could turn the search inward before searching outward.  Can we really know what we're searching for, if we haven't found it first within?  A final question, "Am I willing to make my heart a "heart of gold," so that "miners" (other people) can discover the gold?"   Go for the gold!  And make the most of the refining process. 

            Disclaimer:  I realize there may be a small percentage of people who read this who have tried as hard  as they can to choose the better way, but feel, for whatever reason, they are unable to do it.  Please do not feel condemned for trying and failing.  Seek help from a trusted friend or counselor, and remember that human flesh may be weak, but God is strong.  God only asks of us what he knows we can handle.  

                Note:   The book Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart discusses themes of dealing with disappointments, offense and finding freedom in forgiveness.  This book is designed to help people (especially in the Christian faith)  to discover and dislodge things in life that lead to defeat. Don't miss out on your chance to use this book as a helpful tool in discovering Refuge in Christ. It can be purchased by clicking here: http://bluerockbnb.com/healing/book_main.htm . If you get anywhere near Pennsylvania for vacation or on business, be sure to look us up for lodging at  http://bluerockbnb.com 

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry