Family Forever

Adult children who forsake their parents seems to be more common in recent times. It is evidently an age-old problem however, since Solomon addresses it in the Proverbs.  “Whoever robs their father and drives out their mother, is a child who brings shame and disgrace.” (Proverbs 19:26; NIV).

One of the ways so-called “cancel culture” manifests, is by cutting off relationship with a person(s) deemed unlikable or unworthy for some reason, even if no rational reason for harm is present. It should go without saying that this is a practice opposed to godliness and biblical truth.  But it is amazing to me how much I hear of people who call themselves Christ-followers who simply refuse to communicate with people they once called friends. This becomes even more egregious when the person(s) cut off is a family member(s). And when parents are cut off by their children, it is especially “shameful and disgracefull” as the Proverb puts it.

God is a God of reconciliation. God calls his followers to be ministers of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5). Offense is inevitable in the context of the broken world in which we live. At times we may be on one side of offense or the other; the offended person, or the offending person. But God calls us to forgive always, and reconcile whenever possible. Since it takes two to reconcile, and we can’t control the other person(s), we must be committed to pursue making things right in our own hearts to the greatest degree possible. Reconciling leaves no room for “cancelling” or deeming someone (or a situation) irredeemable. 

we are called to treat people with honor and respect (Colossians 3:13). A person’s identity is not the same as their behavior. Even if a person’s behavior is bad, and guilt is real, God can forgive upon their confession and repentance.  and so In condemning bad behavior, we must value the person as a child of God and worthy of His redeeming grace. When people do things that irritate or hurt us, silence and avoidance is not an option. We must try to not allow wounds to fester, so that relationships are not halted by unresolved conflict.

This is especially true in family, as our closest earthly relationships. God ordained family for survival  and training of the young, contribution to community as adults, and sustainability for the human race. As humans we do not have a choice who our parents are. We are born to parents of God’s choosing  and into family by God’s design. We may choose who we want our friends to be, but our blood relatives are chosen for us.

Thus, any ill treatment and dishonoring by adults towards their parents can be viewed as an act of rebellion against God. In fact, this is so important in God’s sight, that it is included as one of the ten commandments (see Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5). The importance Is emphasized even more by Paul making a direct quote (of the Old Testament scriptures) to the Ephesian church, “Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise,  so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land” (Ephesians 6:2-3; HCSB). Life going well is directly linked to how one treats their parents.

Life will not go well for anyone who tries to cut off relationship with their parent(s). And cutting off their children’s relationship with their parents (their children’s grandparents) is especially dishonoring. Besides their parents, the second  most important relationship in a child’s life is their grandparents. For parents to deliberately withhold or discourage their developing child’s relationship with their grandparents is acting in contempt of God’s order of things. An obvious exception is when the grandparent(s) pose some sort of harm to the children. But simply having a conflict with the parents, should not preclude their children from having a relationship with their grandparents.

Recently, I’ve encountered a number of parents with adult children casting the parents out of their lives (for no rational reason), and refusing to want to reconcile. This month is when we celebrate the birth of the King of Reconciliation. Jesus “came to seek and to save the lost” (Luke 19:10). Whatever was lost through conflict and separation, God can mend. Jesus saves. But it takes willing hearts.

Christmas is meant to be a time to celebrate with joy, the arrival of the Savior of the world. I pray that during this season, steps toward healing broken family relationships can be taken. I pray the joy of family unity will be restored by the power of what Jesus accomplished by coming to this earth and redeeming mankind.  For those reading this and not having family struggles, please pray for those who are experiencing seemingly unresolvable conflict. When one person in the family hurts, the whole family hurts. When one family hurts, it contributes to a community of hurting families .  Many hurting families contribute to hurting churches, communities,  and a hurting nation. Pray for God’s people to be His  reconcilers, as family forever.

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

Born Again - Part 2

            You can read Part One to see the difference between false hopes and the real deal experience of being born again.  Born again is an event to surrender control of your life to God, but it also includes an ongoing commitment to inner person change in becoming a disciple of Christ.  Being "born from above" is a journey of radical and continuous transformation that cannot be fully explained in the natural realm. 

            In the natural realm, we consider maturing into adulthood a positive thing.  In the spiritual, however, "adulthood"  becomes a hindrance to transformation.  The better off we think we are, the less open to change.  The more we think we know, the less likely to be open to renewing our minds with God's truth .  The more mature we are in our own understanding, the less likely we are to choose God's wisdom over our own.  I think Jesus had this in mind when he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter  the Kingdom of Heaven" (Matthew 18:3; NIV). 

            Jesus didn't say we must become better adults.  He said we must become children.  Being "born again" means we must consider ourselves babies, and continue the process of "growing" and learning the remainder of our lives.  There is no "full grown" adulthood in spiritual life.  We grow, and the spirit part of our being has a greater influence on our character, but never reach an "old age" phase in spiritual life.   Growing spiritually means we surrender more and more of our natural (physical) being over to God's control.  

            Spiritual re-birth doesn't automatically fix the problems we face in our natural world existence.  Struggles in a marriage, for example, always involve two people, and only one person changing will not automatically make the marriage better.  Relationship problems are generally complex, and may even be aggravated by oversimplifying with a weak claim of God's intervention.  If you have a bad habit before you "meet Christ," you still have the bad habit (or at least the tendency to revert) after you "come to the Lord."   A pastor friend of mine says, if you're a dummy before you "get saved," you're still a dummy after you're "saved."   "Believing in Jesus" is not a once and done thing.  Believing the message of the gospel includes entrusting your life to the Author of the message for daily application to your circumstances.  Some phrases in quotes above, often become expressions people use to hide behind their ongoing need for surrender to God.  

            Sometimes after deciding to surrender to God a particular behavior or relationship issue, it may even appear as though things are going backwards instead of forwards.  Complying with God involves re-aligning our life path with to His wishes.  If we've  stepped into a path that leads further away from God, it may mean a short backtrack to get on the right path.  The natural world principle of sowing and reaping may apply to our physical circumstances (see Galatians 6:7-9).  But if things seem to be betting worse instead of better, take heart in the promise that, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.  He chose to give us birth through the word of truth ..." (James 1:17-18).

            For most of my life I thought of born again from the conversion "event" perspective only.  Recently, I've been challenged with "accepting Christ as Savior" to be a day to day, moment by moment context of continual surrender.  In my counseling I work with many people who have experienced great pain because of false beliefs and expectations about being born again.  I've watched many Christians flounder with lack of identity and purpose in life because they haven't fully embraced the need to surrender more and more of their heart to the Holy Spirit's work to change.  The prophet Isaiah describes them as "who have eyes but are blind, who have ears but are deaf" (Isaiah 43:8).  Spiritually opened eyes and ears are just the beginning of a journey of newly inspired action on what is seen and heard.  Born again means your vision and perspective are ever aligning more and more with an outlook from above.  When this alignment happens, seeing and hearing more clearly will produce more positive results, or at least better responses, to your natural world existence. 

            The prophet Isaiah prophecies of rebirth in his writings. Isaiah continues, "See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland" (Isaiah 43:19).  Think of your heart as the wilderness and your mind as the wasteland.  Being born again is for the purpose of restoring your connection with God at core of your being and for the refreshing waters of life to renew your thinking processes and belief systems so that your resulting actions bear "good fruit" (see Galatians 5:22-23).    The Apostle Paul reiterates this theme many times in the New Testament.  He plainly says that born from heaven into life in Christ is, "to be made new in the attitude of your minds;  and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness" (Ephesians 4:23-24; NIV).  This change begins as a Holy Spirit work in your heart and continues as a Holy Spirit work throughout your life time. 

            Hell is real.  Believing in Jesus will save you from hell.  But that is the LEAST it will do.  We are put on this earth to enjoy God and worship Him by surrendering to the wonderful gift of life he gives.  Our eternal life, begins at conversion, and the "forever with God" part starts then.  The "living forever" part includes the rest of our earthly lives to give new invaluable  purpose and meaning on a daily basis. 

            Are you facing challenges that don't seem to get resolved no matter how hard you try?  It could be that you're trying TOO hard.   Or perhaps you're at the other end of the spectrum feeling powerless to do things you know are right, so you don't take any action at all in the direction of godliness.  In either case, the root issues are the same.  True change can only happen through surrender of control to God.  The messages that converts the heart is the same message that empowers the ongoing conversion.  The gospel that saves from sin is the same gospel that mends brokenness that still lies within.  Come to Jesus and keep coming.  Never stop coming.  That's what you've been born to do!  
by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry