Healing Prayer Basics

When life hurts, where do we turn?  To whom do we look to for healing?  Healing prayer is turning our attention to God, and through communication with him, changing our perspective on the past, and gaining new hope for the journey ahead.

            I describe here, a few important considerations.

First, to receive healing from God, cognitive insight is not enough.  Although the part of the human being we can see (physical) is most obvious, the unseen part (non-physical or inner being) is more dominent, thus very real.  The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk explains in simple language how our emotional brain limits our rational brain.  Exploring our deepest feelings, desires, and core beliefs about our world must be part of the healing process.  

Next, our heart is broken because our world is broken.  Since the first human sinned, the Bible explains how we each fall short of the original design God has for our lives.  As we grow from childhood into adulthood, our hurts and wounds magnify our pain.  The broken things in our past create more brokenness and sometimes the real source of pain becomes hard to uncover.  

Also, we must acknowledge there are no exceptions.  We all need healing to become a whole person.  In the physical world, every child gets, at the very least, banged knees, splinters, or broken skin that is vulnerable to infection and disease.   If time passes before the wound is discovered by a caretaker, it may have to be reopened and cleaned out for it to heal properly.  Though emotional hurts and wounds may not be visible, they are real, and the passing of time makes them worse.  Insensitivities, neglects, mistreatments, rejection, losses, and shame (self inflicted or by others) does not go away on its own.  It requires a process to dislodge, and remain free of set-backs.   

For some, pain may be caused by trauma, violence, gross injustice, abuse, or severe neglect.  But common to us all are hurts caused by things like illnesses, injuries, broken relationships, family breakups, bullying, slandering, lying, stealing. immorality, and accidents.  If a painful experience hasn’t come to your mind in reading so far, try this little exercise.  Pretend that your life is over, and by  God’s grace, you are enjoying your new life in eternal glory.  Jesus comes to you, and asks you to volunteer to go back to earth in your former body, family, economic status, and the same earthly circumstances as your life was before, with one exception.  You are allowed to make one change.  What would that change be?  Whatever you wish could be changed about your life circumstances likely carries some disappointment, frustration, annoyance, discomfort, unrest, or dissatisfaction.  These symptoms create a tremendous amount of toxic stress (infection of the soul) smf negatively impact your work, relationships, self-concept, and life’s meaning and destiny.    

To become completely free of the unwanted stresses, let us consider a few more basic principles of healing prayer.   In order to discover the root cause of hurt, we must allow ourselves to “feel” the hurt long enough to identify specific feelings and emotions associated.  These feelings and emotions are always driven by specific beliefs developed and reinforced by circumstances over time.  Perceptions are created, conclusions are drawn, opinions are formed, and critical judgments are made about how life works, and should work.  The older we become the more our present core beliefs are so buried in our subconscious that we can’t even remember how and where they came to be.  Another factor on our ability to remember is the intensity to which the hurt or wound was inflicted.    Greater degrees of abuse, for example, tend to carry greater degrees of denial or dissociation,  Denial is a useful self-protection coping strategy for a time, but becomes a huge burden as time goes on.   So, naming our present feelings and naming our accompanying beliefs, are first steps in the process.  

Beliefs are powerful.  Every behavior and action we take has a belief behind it.  If we believe we are competent and capable, we will step out in confidence and display self-assurance in our work, play, and relationships.  If we believe the opposite about ourselves, we will be trapped by self-doubt, self-condemnation, and self-rejection.   An example that demonstrates this principle involves the circus elephant.  In former days, the training of  an elephant began early in the elephant’s life.   The only environment the small elephant knew was a chain that kept him in the location the trainer chose for him.  The elephant grew into adulthood believing he was limited by the confines of the chain.  When the chain is removed for circus tricks he remains with the trainer because he knows nothing else.  Freedom (escape)  does not even occur to him.  In general, animals are trained through repetition, and the natural inclinations of humans are the same.  We gravitate to the familiar, even if the familiar is harmful or not in our best interest.  A victimized person will subconsciously seek to be victimized because their beliefs confirm to them a lack of worthfulness and value.  Even depression and anxiety can be reinforced by believing life only offers despondent or scary circumstances.  

Not only do our beliefs trap us, but they are guaranteed to be telling us lies.  Our default tendency (from conception onward) is to perceive and interpret unpleasant surroundings in a negative way.  This sets us up to believe things that are not true about God, ourselves, and other people.  As children we are especially vulnerable to lies taking root in our thinking.   For example, a five year old girl who overhears her daddy say to his friend about her, “We wished she would have been a boy,” can set her up for huge ramifications.   I’ve heard numerous cases where seemingly harmless words or actions by a caretaker result in wounding.   Generally speaking, children often tend to blame themselves for bad things that happen.   The little girl’s inner voice may hear her daddy’s words as, “I should have been a boy,” or “I’m really not loved because I’m not a boy, “I need to try to become a boy to be loved,” or “I’m not lovable,” or “I am a mistake,” or all sorts of other lies.  Parents’ divorces usually result in children blaming themselves for the breakup.  Injury or illness to siblings can create false guilt and self-condemnation.  False beliefs tend to create more false beliefs so circumstances in adulthood are merely replays of childhood woundings.  This negative bent in our personhood is part of the broken condition of humanity since sin and shame entered our world.  Shame is at the root of all false beliefs.  To explore more details on how and why shame is at the root of our core identity, read Dr. Curt Thompson’s book The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe about ourselves.

The solution for false beliefs is true beliefs.  As noted above, our physical brain and mind is not the only part of us to be convinced of the truth.  Our heart (inner being) must come to an understanding of truth that secures, preserves, and advances our whole being.  

Jesus said of himself that HE is the way, the truth, and the life (see John 14:6).  Jesus is the Healer.  We cannot know Father God except through Jesus His Son (see John 14:6-7).  God as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit work together to provide healing for our innate broken condition.  Healing prayer is an avenue by which we can allow the Holy Spirit to reveal hidden things in the broken parts of our subconscious, so they can be brought into light and take away  the opportunity for shame to continue to condemn us.  We exchange lies for truth.  We exchange condemning judgments for empathy.  We exchange despair for hope.  Disappointment and dissatisfaction can turn to contentment and fulfillment.  

Healing prayer can be hard work.  Not that prayer should be difficult, but being honest with ourselves and with God long enough to receive the truth God has for us, is the “work” that makes for, the sometimes difficult, steps in our journey.  Facing the pain in our experiences, confessing the error in our reactions, repenting, and surrendering to God’s solution, is viewed by most as too hard or scary to try.  But I encourage all who read this to decide to be one of the few.  I’m here to say the rewards are worth it.   God is our Refuge and strength (Psalm 46).   Holding on to old hurts and wounds becomes far more painful than receiving healing from Refuge.    

My next article will discuss more specifics of how to practice healing prayer.  

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

Emotional Capacity - Part 2

The previous article contrasted EI with EC.  It takes much more than intelligence to deal with the realities of life.  We defined Emotional Capacity (EC) as follows, “the ability to interpret and express inner emotional messages with unshaken assurance of personal worth and identity.”  Challenging circumstances create  inner emotional messages perceived as threats (real or imagined) to a safe and secure image of self.   The capacity to regulate whether the emotions help or hurt (make things better or worse) is EC.  A person’s quality of life is determined by EC.  

When facing a challenge, EC is not dependent on whether or not the circumstances improve, but whether the reservoir of positive self-worth is improved.  A person is not always in control of external events in life, but our EC can control our response to those events.  You may ask, “I know increasing EC dramatically improves my health and relationships, but how is it possible to cleanse (or maintain a clean) emotional reservoir?  I’m glad you asked! <smile>   Hopefully something that follows is helpful.  

First, and most important in emotional health, is knowing the God who designed and authored the human being (including the emotions). If you are not a God-follower, bear with me for a moment.  I believe the basis for understanding identity and worthfulness for each person, is understanding the divinity and worthiness of the One who knows us better than we will ever know ourselves.  The attributes of God, his relatability as a personal God, and how much He loves each person, sets Him apart as supreme authority.  All humans are created in His image with a unique stamp of his likeness.  Also understanding some things about his emotional qualities can help give us a glimpse of ours.  Knowing God as Father (similar to how a child depends on an earthly father) provides identity and security (including assurance of value and worth) like nothing else can.  This inexhaustible topic is obviously too much to give adequate attention to here.  The point here is that God is the source for living from the heart and emotional capacity of the human being.  

Ironically, esteeming self above God and other people, ruins our sense of worth and value.   Removing self-focus from our identity is essential for emotional health.  Ego-centric living destroys our true  identity. For some modern day examples of how this works I recommend Ryan Holiday’s book called, Ego Is the Enemy.  We must give up our “me centered” world-view, and take on a view of the world that puts God at the center of our universe and our soul.  God is not only a great God in charge, but also a grand God in love with all he created.  As the ancient Psalmist says, “Great is the Lord, and most worthy of praise ….. the Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the one who trusts in him” (Psalm 48:1; 32:10).  

Knowing God frees a person to focus on others and not self.  Connection with others is what gives purpose and meaning to life.  A great example of this is Viktor Frankl’s life.  In his book,  Man’s Search for Meaning, he shows how he survived four concentration camps in the 1940’s at the hands of Nazi Germany horrors.  

A second way to increase our emotional capacity is to allow our hurts and wounds to heal properly.  A broken arm needs to be set in correct position,  placed in a cast, and perhaps a sling for recovery.  Similar to our bodies’ vulnerability to physical injuries, our hearts are subject to brokenness and disrepair.  From the beginning of life, we pre-judge, mis-judge, and critically judge as a default tendency.  Although our self-worth is secure in who God created us to be, our “sinful nature” severely handicaps our ability to accept this without  self-imposed conditions.  Unmet expectations create disappointments and all sorts of negative reaction (see list at end of previous article).  Hurts and wounds fester and pollute our core beliefs (even without our awareness).  Although our minds try to settle into adulthood, our hearts remain in the limited capacity of broken conditions of childhood.  Some people turn to God and receive spiritual healing. Even as a God-follower, the process of healing the soul must continue throughout our remaining days on earth.  

The greatest loss in human history was Adam and Eve’s decision to reject God’s supreme authority.  This error introduced shame into the world.  Shame is the root of all roots of brokenness and emotional pain.  Shame and vulnerability researcher Brene Brown defines shame as the fear of disconnection.  As mentioned before, self-worth is rooted in a sense of connection.  Shame (based in our hurts and wounds) keeps us from the truth and whole-hearted (capacity-filled) living.  Dr. Brene Brown has authored a number of books including one that helped me greatly called The Gifts of Imperfection.  She has found vulnerability as the only way to attempt to resolve shame.  

Shame keeps a person from believing they are worthy of love and belonging. As a God-follower, I believe I am worthy, not because of anything I have done (or not done), but because of what God has said and done for me.  As a Christian I believe Jesus is the complete connection to resolve our fears of disconnection.  You may not believe in God the same way I do, but reading on will help you grow in emotional capacity.  Or, you may already believe in Jesus,  but to grow in your relationship with God, you must embrace vulnerability and the reality of a shame-infected soul.  

  To be vulnerable is to be authentic, transparent, and completely honest with oneself.  Vulnerability is not  weakness, but builds strength and capacity.  Here are some qualities  Brene Brown  mentions. Vulnerability means you must allow yourself to be real and seen; deeply seen.  It means you must love with your whole heart, even when there is no guarantee.  It means you must practice gratitude and joy, even in the face of fear.  It means you must believe you are enough, even when you feel “not enough,” not good enough, not smart enough, not beautiful enough, not capable enough, and not so on.  And vulnerability “walks into” awkwardness, uncertainty, and imperfection.  

But under the cloud of shame we resist vulnerability.  What does that look like?  We try to be perfect (perfectionism.  We expect “perfect” from others.  We try to “make certain” (control).  We blame (as a way to discharge our pain and discomfort).  We justify ourselves (and pretend that what we do does not have an impact on other people).   These are all signs of trying to numb vulnerability.  

Numbing feelings may filter the bad, but it also prevents the good feelings.  As Brene Brown says, “You can’t selectively numb emotion.”   If you try to numb disappointment, failure, and sadness you will also be numbing happiness, gratitude, and joy.  Americans are the most “numbed” society on earth as evidenced by over indulgence and addiction;   food (obesity) , alcohol, (alcoholism), drugs (medications & illegal use),  work (work-a-holism),  shopping (“retail therapy”), busyness (filling schedule with things to do), technology, and all sorts of distractions.   So we set ourselves up for dissatisfaction and emptiness (lack of emotional capacity).  

Things that may trigger numbing vulnerability look like these;  asking someone for help when you’re sick or injured, initiating sex with your spouse, being “turned down” (for promotion, election, team participant),  waiting for the doctor to call back, getting laid off a job or having to lay off people, and practicing servant leadership.   Common. ordinary experiences reveal our capacity to meet the challenges of  shame and vulnerability.    Other indicators may include things like whether or not we can easily admit offense when offended, accept differences (cultural, ethnic, or gender), own bad habits or addictions, take responsibility for actions that put others in peril, listen to others giving criticism, receive advice, and stop making excuses for too much eating, drinking, working, spending, sensualizing, sexualizing, hoarding, or technolizing (too much time on electronic devices).  

We discussed the God factor and the shame factor.  Now let’s consider a third factor for building emotional capacity.  We must take clear and consistent action in the direction of  building good patterns and habits.  It’s not enough to clean up a polluted water source and then leave it to the elements to become dirty again. It must be maintained and treated for sustainability.  Removing destructive patterns that have depleted our emotional capacity is a good start.  But, we must build constructive patterns for productivity and resilience.  This involves changing the things on which we focus our attention.  Improving proficiency in any sport involves practice and focus on the fundamentals.  Similarly, learning to play an instrument requires pattern forming drills and exercises to create habitual motion.   Great effort goes into skillful playing.  

You may have heard it said, “love is an action.”  This certainly is true.  We may think we value something, but if our actions do not move us to stronger devotion we are not demonstrating love for it. For example, you may read about shame and vulnerability and think it worthy of your consideration, but if you make no commitment to practice vulnerability, your skill of using it to increase your emotional capacity will not be developed.  A great book was authored this year by  James K.A. Smith to help establish spiritual life.  It is called, You Are What You Love: the Spiritual Power of Habit.  We live in a time when information is over-abundant, but truth is hard to find.  We do well to treasure truth, and practice it over and over again to develop skill for quality emotional response.

Great commitment is required to build and maintain emotional capacity.  It is tough work, but it is worth it.  It is worth it because each person’s worth is “built in.”  Assurance of built in worth gives a person “well power.”  Well power is better than will power.  Will power eventually runs out because of human frailty.  For the God-follower, this is where God comes in.  I believe God is willing and able to meet us in our toughest spots of vulnerability.  We are wired for struggle, and our Creator wired in each of us our personal spirit as an access point to his divine power.  Surrendering our power to his power is the deepest place of vulnerability, and provides for us the deepest, bottomless  well (capacity) as a life-giving fountain. In fact, Jesus himself said, “… whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst ...” (John 4:14).  

I believe Jesus is the ultimate solution to shame. His whole purpose for being is to restore connection to Father God.  Vulnerability is the path to finding Jesus.  I’m not talking about religion.  Religion tries to work its way out of shame.  But, a true Christ-follower yields to Jesus Christ’s identity and worthfulness as the Solution for the shame we are each born into.  Our faith is related to the capacity we have to receive the love, peace, and joy he supplies.  

If you want help sorting out things you are feeling or thinking about this, seek out a competent counselor or trusted friend.  Have a comment?  I would  love to hear from you.  I have one more article in this series of three. The next talks about EQ, emotional quotient and emotional quality.  

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry