Reflections on Vacation and Retreat

Have you ever planned a trip for business or ministry and then said, “While I’m there, I may as well take a few extra days and visit some sites in the area?”   Combining vacation time with business travel is common.  But what about combining vacation time with reflection time?

 What is meant by “vacation” may be different for all of us.  It may mean beach, mountains, or forests.  It may mean inclusion (with friends) or seclusion.  It may mean outdoor or indoor activities.  It may mean ocean cruise or land automobile, or so many other things.  Vacation is supposed to be “down time,”  bringing rest, relaxation, and rejuvination.  But how many times have we returned from a “vacation” only to feel like we need a vacation from our vacation.  

One solution might be a vacation for self care.  Engaging in down-time activity to give your body rest is one thing, but evaluating and discovering new ways of improving your mental, emotional, and spiritual status can take vacation to a higher level.  Especially if your job or ministry is in people helping business, the everyday wear and tear and built up stressors can be weighing much more heavily than you, or even people in closest relationship to you, can recognize.  

About 7 years ago I discovered a model of personal debriefing for Christian missionaries that has helped thousands find new vitallity and meaning for their work.  The Le Rucher model of debriefing is a guided 5 day rest, for personal reflection, sharing your story, and finding new perspectives from God. Not only for missionaries, this is a proven method of assessing events of life and ministry in a safe and supportive environment.  It is a structured progression through stressors, associated losses, adjustments, and recovery of hopes and dreams. The result is fresh vision and energy for reengagement.    

My wife and I benefited as participants in this model ourselves.  I also trained and became a certified debriefer in the model.  I now offer the debriefing as a package with a stay at our Blue Rock Bed and Breakfast.  More is described at http://bluerockbnb.com/healing/debriefing.htm .  I encourage all Christian pastors, missionaries, ministry or business leaders to consider this for making the most of your next vacation or rest  time.  These five days of debriefing is a perfect way to begin a several month sabbatical or scheduled down time.   

Sometimes people’s schedules and activities make them so wound up inside, that it takes most of their scheduled vacation time just to begin to relax.  ‘We have guided tools that will help you begin relaxing right away.

The cost of neglecting self care is much to great.  Last year was a year of many “big name” leaders falling to corruption, immorality, allegations of abuse, and even walking away from their faith.  While the circumstances may be different for each individual, the qualifications for leadership are the same.  1 Timothy 3 is often sited as a source in the Bible for qualification of Christian leadership.  Although biblical qualifications are important, we must never forget that leaders are first followers.  We are all followers of Christ.  A great book I read sometime ago is  Joseph Stowell’s Following Christ.   Becoming a transformed disciple of Christ involves  putting aside our personal agendas, and surrendering completely to God’s plan and purposes.  

So we all think we’re pretty good at that stuff, right?  After all, that’s what makes us a good leader.  That is until an unforseen temptation, trial, or drained human energy catches us off guard.  Healthy leadership requires being proactive about psychological rest, building emotional stamina, and intentional transformational renewing of the mind.  See a previous article for more on this http://authoredhersh.blogspot.com/2016/12/sailing-to-new-horizons-part-1.html .

Jesus says over and over throughout the Bible that following him means applying his teachings to our lives.  Our faith in Jesus must be demonstrated with actions in keeping with his actions.  Jesus also teaches that our actions spring from our heart.  We are not called to merely act like Jesus, but to surrender our hearts to the heavenly Father as Jesus surrendered his heart to the Father.  In my view, surrendering to God’s transformation process is the most important qualification for leadership.   An important question to be asking ourselves is, “Does the quality of my vacation time (down time, sabbatical, rest, relax time) truly replenish the reservoir of my heart, so that a potential storm ahead would not destroy me?”  

Again, an automatic “yes” answer would be tempting for most of us.  But maybe we should give this question a bit more consideration.  The beginning of a New Year is a good time to plan, not just a vacation, but a time of rest and rejuvenation.   A healthy inner being is essential for healthy leadership, relationships, and all aspects of life.

May we give similar attention to our heart condition as King David did as expressed in Psalm 139, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24).  If the thought of letting God search your heart scares you, think again.  Who knows you the best?  Who loves you the most?  Who cares the most that you fulfill your God-given purpose in life?   The answers to these questions are found by reading the remainder of Psalm 139 and resting in the truth of our value in God’s sight.   

Jesus speaks, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matthew 11:28-29; Message)

If you wish to visit us for the debriefing rest time or if I can help with other aspects of self care (heart care), please contact me.  I adhere to strict confidentiality standards, and cannot share details for people we have helped, but good reports abound,  The numbers of people are growing, and the significance of impact is growing.  God is at work, and we believe God wants leaders thriving in tip-top shape (spirit, soul, & body; 1 Thesselonians 5:23) to advance God’s  Kingdom.   Blessings for rest in Refuge.

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

How to Rest from Stress

            What you don't know about stress, CAN hurt you, right? Absolutely.  But what if I tell you that a bigger problem may be what you ALREADY believe about stress. There are many myths about stress.  Here are four essential things to practice and understand about stress.

First:  Stress is meant to be our friend.

            Stress in its truest form, is a physical response to avoid harm.  Rapid breathing and increased heart rate, for example, help prepare the body to respond to a threat.  Stress protects by initiating a fight or flight response to danger.  Stress is what kicks in when you encounter a big bad wolf on the way to grandmother's house.  Stress is what causes you to react to a careless driver by stepping back up on a curb to avoid getting run over in the city. 

            Stress-free living does not exist.  We must re-think stress, not as a burden, but something to be mastered for our success.   Toxic stress occurs when our imagination is more active than is warranted by the reality of an event.  For example, fear of failure will rob us from stepping out in new areas if we allow our mind to dwell on all the possibilities of things going wrong rather than enjoying the creativity and innovation of the moment.

            Toxic stress kills many people, but living toxic-stress-free, CAN be possible.

Second:  Resolving unwanted stress must focus on the inner person instead of externals. 

            Unwanted stress is not caused by circumstances, but by our response to the events and  people associated.  I first encountered this truth through a book called The Stress Myth by Richard Ecker. The back cover of the book reads, "Problems add up and the pressures of life get you down. This complex, uncertain, fast-paced world inevitably takes its toll. Right? Wrong.  This myth about stress, according to Richard Ecker, is as incorrect as it is widespread. The battles of life do not have to make us casualties. Many experts mistakenly emphasize coping with stress. But prevention, says Ecker, is the key. It begins with an accurate view of God, ourselves and the world around us. Ecker also helps us understand how unwanted stress affects us at home and at work, giving sound counsel on how to have peace during trying times." 

             More recently I discovered an e-book by Ecker called The Emotional Survival Training Manual in which he describes more about the true meaning of stress, and why stress should not be looked upon as an unnecessary or even undesirable response.  Ecker says, ”We may not encounter big, bad wolves on our way to see grandma these days, but the highways we drive to get to grandma’s house offer equal risk of physical harm— careless drivers, poor visibility, mechanical failures— all of which create conditions which we will be better able to deal with when we are under stress. But, if stress is such a necessary human reaction, how can anyone have any hope of avoiding all of those unpleasant and health- threatening consequences that we have come to associate with the experience of stress? The fact is, none of those unpleasant consequences have to occur at all— even when stress levels in the body are very high. The unpleasantness of stress occurs only when the body has no need for it and no physical outlet for it. Stress becomes a problem  only when you require your body to produce more stress than it needs to satisfy its immediate physical demands. For example, if you did encounter a big, bad wolf on the way to grandma’s house, you would probably experience a substantial stress response. It would be needed to equip your body to deal with the situation— that is, to prepare you for fight or flight. Both of these options require immediate and intense physical effort. A high level of stress is always required to prepare your body for that kind of effort. But, let’s say that your situation is much less life— threatening; perhaps a bitter disappointment in your work, to which you have reacted with anger and frustration. If your reaction in this situation produces as large a stress response as the one produced in reaction to the wolf, most of that stress will be unnecessary to equip your body to deal with it— simply because your body does not need physical preparation to deal with non-physical demands. So, if your circumstances do not call for a physical response, then stress is always an inappropriate reaction. And, any stress that your body is required to produce above and beyond the amount needed to prepare it for an appropriate physical response will be what we can call “excess stress.” Excess stress is what people find unpleasant. Excess stress is what can be harmful to their health."

Third:  All unwanted stress is related to a self-image problem at the core.

            Toxic stress (unwanted, or excess stress as Ecker calls it)( is produced by the same mechanism in our bodies as good stress produces to combat a threat to physical security. The perceptions that cause our bodies to produce excess stress arise from threats to our emotional security— more specifically, threats to our image of self.

            Our personality and emotional makeup is shaped by our background (the sum total of all experiences up to the present moment in time).  Ecker says, "Fueled by prior experiences, our personalities help us interpret life events so that we can undertake an appropriate response. If our personalities are abundant with resources, few of these interpretations will credit events with having any influence on our identity, and we will not then view them as emotionally threatening. But, if our personalities are abundant with conditions, many of the life events we experience will be interpreted as having a negative influence on our concept of self— and will be considered emotionally threatening for that reason."  The conditions Ecker speaks of are created by our core beliefs and value systems.   When we perceive the reality of a situation to be different from what we value, our self-worth inevitably comes into question.  Sometimes it takes a great amount of effort to discover our faulty belief systems, and separate our identity and worthfulness as a person from our performance on a task, social skill, or failure to measure up to some standard or so-called normal.   But, the more comfortable we can become with who we are asa person, and even more, who God created us to be as a person, the greater the degree of resolution  t unwanted stress we will experience.

Fourth:   Ridding your life of unwanted stress begins with a choice.

            Morton C. Orman, MD has authored a book called The 14 Day Stress Cure.  In  an article I found online, he addresses 5 most common myths about stress.  Orman says, "The most damaging belief we have today is that the best way to deal with our stress is to manage it. While stress management experts are quick to point out the positive benefits of exercise, meditation, and relaxation techniques, few will inform you of the negative side to these same coping strategies.  ... But the biggest drawback to managing stress is that it only deals with the symptoms of our problems. It rarely helps us to clarify or deal with the underlying causes of our difficulties. This means that managing stress--even when we do it well--CAN CAUSE MANY OF OUR PROBLEMS TO PERSIST OR EVEN GET WORSE! Since we never correct the root causes of our problems, they will continue to occur, over and over again."   

            I'm certainly not advocating that you  abandon all coping strategies you have discovered to de-clutter, de-stress, and simplify your life.  Techniques to improve time management, communication skills to enhance relationships, and other self-help strategies can add value to your life.  But, human doing can never be enough to satisfy human being.   You are a human being, and you must decide to focus on inner person change as the core solution to lifting the heavy burden of unpleasant stress.  The person you were created to be is awaiting the freedom inspired by self-acceptance, self-confidence, and a value-filled self-concept. 

            God offers us the unconditional love our hearts so desperately crave.  Total acceptance, validation, and affirmation of  our value as human beings is available to us by choosing to receive it from Him.  Wheher we yield to God's help or not, the only way to avoid excess stress is to examine our hearts to find the roots of bitterness that grow into destruction.  Where I live, we are once again at the beginning of the growing season.   We plants the seeds and hope the produce healthy plants for an abundant harvest.  But, inevitably, the weeds seem to greow faster than the good plants.  Weeds must be pulled, but they keep growing back.  They must be pulled again and again, so the good plants stay healthy.  Like the growing of a fruitful vegetable garden, the weeds of our inner person must be pulled on a regular basis. 

            So, when you feel physical or emotional pain, stop and take a brief inventory of your problem circumstances.  Be honest with yourself  to discover the loss, disappointment, failed expectations (imposed on self or by others), critical judgments, or false beliefs causing the pressure.  Read some of my other articles on how to change from the inside out.  It's often the closest people in your life who you feel the most toxic feelings towards.  Discern what you can do to change yourself, stop blaming circumstances or other people for the unpleasant stress you feel, and begin the  journey to stress-free living. 

Note1:   Please note that "chronic stress" is not what I am talking about in the article.  If you have experienced a traumatic event, or are living in very difficult circumstances for a long period of time, you should seek the help of a counselor to figure out what "normal" might look like. 

Note2:   A book I authored Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart discusses truth for dealing with disappointments, offense and finding freedom through forgiveness (from a Christian perspective).  See more info. by clicking here: http://bluerockbnb.com/healing/book_main.htm . 

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry