Reflections on Vacation and Retreat

Have you ever planned a trip for business or ministry and then said, “While I’m there, I may as well take a few extra days and visit some sites in the area?”   Combining vacation time with business travel is common.  But what about combining vacation time with reflection time?

 What is meant by “vacation” may be different for all of us.  It may mean beach, mountains, or forests.  It may mean inclusion (with friends) or seclusion.  It may mean outdoor or indoor activities.  It may mean ocean cruise or land automobile, or so many other things.  Vacation is supposed to be “down time,”  bringing rest, relaxation, and rejuvination.  But how many times have we returned from a “vacation” only to feel like we need a vacation from our vacation.  

One solution might be a vacation for self care.  Engaging in down-time activity to give your body rest is one thing, but evaluating and discovering new ways of improving your mental, emotional, and spiritual status can take vacation to a higher level.  Especially if your job or ministry is in people helping business, the everyday wear and tear and built up stressors can be weighing much more heavily than you, or even people in closest relationship to you, can recognize.  

About 7 years ago I discovered a model of personal debriefing for Christian missionaries that has helped thousands find new vitallity and meaning for their work.  The Le Rucher model of debriefing is a guided 5 day rest, for personal reflection, sharing your story, and finding new perspectives from God. Not only for missionaries, this is a proven method of assessing events of life and ministry in a safe and supportive environment.  It is a structured progression through stressors, associated losses, adjustments, and recovery of hopes and dreams. The result is fresh vision and energy for reengagement.    

My wife and I benefited as participants in this model ourselves.  I also trained and became a certified debriefer in the model.  I now offer the debriefing as a package with a stay at our Blue Rock Bed and Breakfast.  More is described at http://bluerockbnb.com/healing/debriefing.htm .  I encourage all Christian pastors, missionaries, ministry or business leaders to consider this for making the most of your next vacation or rest  time.  These five days of debriefing is a perfect way to begin a several month sabbatical or scheduled down time.   

Sometimes people’s schedules and activities make them so wound up inside, that it takes most of their scheduled vacation time just to begin to relax.  ‘We have guided tools that will help you begin relaxing right away.

The cost of neglecting self care is much to great.  Last year was a year of many “big name” leaders falling to corruption, immorality, allegations of abuse, and even walking away from their faith.  While the circumstances may be different for each individual, the qualifications for leadership are the same.  1 Timothy 3 is often sited as a source in the Bible for qualification of Christian leadership.  Although biblical qualifications are important, we must never forget that leaders are first followers.  We are all followers of Christ.  A great book I read sometime ago is  Joseph Stowell’s Following Christ.   Becoming a transformed disciple of Christ involves  putting aside our personal agendas, and surrendering completely to God’s plan and purposes.  

So we all think we’re pretty good at that stuff, right?  After all, that’s what makes us a good leader.  That is until an unforseen temptation, trial, or drained human energy catches us off guard.  Healthy leadership requires being proactive about psychological rest, building emotional stamina, and intentional transformational renewing of the mind.  See a previous article for more on this http://authoredhersh.blogspot.com/2016/12/sailing-to-new-horizons-part-1.html .

Jesus says over and over throughout the Bible that following him means applying his teachings to our lives.  Our faith in Jesus must be demonstrated with actions in keeping with his actions.  Jesus also teaches that our actions spring from our heart.  We are not called to merely act like Jesus, but to surrender our hearts to the heavenly Father as Jesus surrendered his heart to the Father.  In my view, surrendering to God’s transformation process is the most important qualification for leadership.   An important question to be asking ourselves is, “Does the quality of my vacation time (down time, sabbatical, rest, relax time) truly replenish the reservoir of my heart, so that a potential storm ahead would not destroy me?”  

Again, an automatic “yes” answer would be tempting for most of us.  But maybe we should give this question a bit more consideration.  The beginning of a New Year is a good time to plan, not just a vacation, but a time of rest and rejuvenation.   A healthy inner being is essential for healthy leadership, relationships, and all aspects of life.

May we give similar attention to our heart condition as King David did as expressed in Psalm 139, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24).  If the thought of letting God search your heart scares you, think again.  Who knows you the best?  Who loves you the most?  Who cares the most that you fulfill your God-given purpose in life?   The answers to these questions are found by reading the remainder of Psalm 139 and resting in the truth of our value in God’s sight.   

Jesus speaks, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matthew 11:28-29; Message)

If you wish to visit us for the debriefing rest time or if I can help with other aspects of self care (heart care), please contact me.  I adhere to strict confidentiality standards, and cannot share details for people we have helped, but good reports abound,  The numbers of people are growing, and the significance of impact is growing.  God is at work, and we believe God wants leaders thriving in tip-top shape (spirit, soul, & body; 1 Thesselonians 5:23) to advance God’s  Kingdom.   Blessings for rest in Refuge.

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

Sailing to New Horizons - Part 1

            So, when was your last sabbatical, personal retreat, or just a few days of vacation?  Failure to balance work with appropriate rest is one of the most common reasons people in leadership and service professions are forced to quit.  Here are a few tips.

            In a book called The Life God Blesses, Gordon MacDonald tells the story of an expert sailor named Michael Plant.  In 1992 he set out from the US east coast to cross the Atlantic Ocean in a sailboat with the best equipment available and the experience of having done this routine many times before.  About two weeks into the voyage, his boat was found floating upside down in the sea with no signs of the man.  MacDonald tells this story to point out that "we're all in the same boat" (pun intended), and that success in our life's journey is much like the metaphor of sailing. 

            Have you or someone you know experienced a hard-to-explain sailing accident or shipwreck?  By wreck or serious accident I mean burnout, psychological breakdown (depression, anxiety, etc.), addiction, moral failure, suicide, homicide, or other criminal actions.  Demands of life seem to create stressors in greater numbers and intensity than ever before in history.  Professional achievement, accumulation of wealth, and outwardly happy marriage and family life do not automatically translate into a successful voyage. 

Hard work ethic, good friends and family, latest technology, and even strong faith are sometimes not enough to navigate the storms and trials of life.  Storms happen.  Disruptions occur.  Only foolishness makes us think we are immune to bad things destroying our lives. 

            Plant's boat capsized mainly because a four ton weight had detached from its keel.  MacDonald mentions, "I discovered this much about sailboats as I read about Michael Plant’s tragedy. I learned that in order for a sailboat to maintain a steady course, and in order for it not to capsize but to harness the tremendous power of the wind, there must be more weight below the waterline than there is above it. Any violation of this principle of weight distribution means disaster."   Although not visible, the boat's keel beneath the waterline is the most important part of the boat.  Plant's sailboat was found upside down because of failure of its keel.  Our lives get turned upside down when we fail to maintain our keel (soul) beneath the waterline (unseen inner person). 

            A sailboat must be properly maintained to ensure it can withstand the stormy seas.  Over time joints crack, bolts rust, wind-driven structures shift, and the salty sea water requires replacement of parts and reconditioning of other parts.  The only way to do the necessary repairs is to dry dock  the boat.  Dry docking is removing the boat from the water so the parts beneath the waterline can be accessed.  Without dry docking, safety is compromised, and the boat is guaranteed to fail at some point, likely at a most inopportune moment in stormy seas.  

            Sailing to new horizons in our life requires occasional "dry docking."  Depending on your circumstances and type of work this may mean vacation, debriefing, extended time off, sabbatical, personal retreat, re-training, rehabilitation, or a major re-evaluation of your current path.  Sometimes life above the waterline gets too busy keeping the business, church, organization, service, or ordinary roles and expectations  moving along.  Good appearance may become a higher priority than genuine soul care.  Our inner being beneath the waterline so-to-speak, is overlooked.  When our reliances, rewards, and relationships are only at a surface level, we are in great danger of "cracks" developing in our soul.  

            Cracks expand into compromised life structures.  For example, an unhealthy habit may turn into an addiction.  A "difficult person" to deal with may trigger old forgotten wounds making it impossible to feel at peace.   Or, a stressful situation may turn into a traumatic event because it is the third major stressor in a short period of time.  Cracks in our soul will eventually break us, likely in the most inopportune time,  wrecking our lives, and often, many lives around us.  Dry docking our activities, specifically for the purpose of inspecting the condition of our soul, is a necessary part of life.  

            A Proverb says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it" (Proverbs 4:23).  The core of human experience is the inner being.  Most of the actions people take spring from the hidden unconscious level.  Relatively speaking, very few decisions are made at the conscious level.  Humans are creatures of habit, always preferring the familiar over the unknown, even if the familiar is unwise, treacherous, or  dangerous.  Gaping cracks develop in our soul (and remain unseen beneath the waterline)  because we tolerate the small cracks which make us increasingly vulnerable.  Most people who have an affair, for example, don't set out to have sex with someone other than their spouse.  The "play around" with flirting and one emotional attachment upon another sails them on a voyage of no return.  Things like pornography, drugs, and work-a-holism happen the same way.  Sometimes the only way to "guard your heart" (as the proverb says) is to dry dock and discover excesses (or omissions) in your behaviors. 

            The invisible keel of your personal life (whether you call it your soul, heart, core-self, inner person, spiritual center, or whatever), guides the course and quality of your entire existence.  Are you giving your keel the attention it needs?  Are you feeding your soul a healthy diet?  Are you protecting your heart from as much harmful influence as you know how?   Are you dry docking long enough to ask these kinds of questions?  Are you being transparent with someone close to you for evaluation and assessment of your true condition? 

            You may be a great "sailor" (skillful leader or well-qualified manager), have a great sailing "crew" (staff and volunteers), and even have successfully navigated difficult "voyages" in the past (persevered through trying circumstances).  The fact remains, to keep your "vessel" (personal life) sea-worthy, you must make "dry dock" (rest and re-evaluation) a regular and intentional part of your "sailing" (life journey) experience.  Taking a respite from your primary work or service project is not a sign of poor leadership, weak resolve, or lacking in mental, emotional, and spiritual stability.  Making a choice to dry dock is your only hope to develop resilience needed for the long haul. 

            It's even okay to admit you need help repairing your keel.  There are people who specialize in repairing of cracks,  re-alignments. and recalibration of the soul.  Good counselors help people live psychologically healthy lives from a whole person perspective.   Emotional health is another topic I discuss in many articles on this blog site.

            Three years ago I wrote an article to lay out specific actions people helpers can take to practice self-care.  It is called Taking Care for Care-Givers at:  http://authoredhersh.blogspot.com/2014_03_01_archive.html .  Since that writing I have become aware of at least a half dozen significant leaders in our community who have wrecked their lives and many lives around them.  Their offenses include murderer and other actions that have taken them to prison.  Through my counseling I am indirectly connected to dozens more of similar cases.  Sometimes the most difficult thing to grieve in these losses is the surprise element.  Many are "good people" giving no indication of their deepest struggles.  Successfully sailing the seas of life takes much more than good works and strong will power.  Dry docking our sailboats must be taken more seriously.  If we are going to sail far enough to see new horizons, we must first look into the hidden parts of our being for new strength and vitality.  My next article will be a part 2 with more specific ways of dry dock. 

            One more comment to those who follow God as their source for inner strength and peaceful sailing.  God has done his part in providing a Savior for us to experience rebirth and spiritual renewal.  It is up to us to surrender our hearts to him for his inspection and periodic dry docking for spiritual health.  Spiritual leaders are particularly prone to the perils of sailing without adequate attention on the keel.  My prayer is that dry dock becomes more an accepted practice for the journey.  I make myself available as much as I can to assist.  Have a great voyage! 
by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry