A PILL for the Virus

In times of great uncertainty we are prone to doubt, worry, and anxious thoughts in larger quantities and with greater intensity than our “normal” is comfortable with.  Most of us are having that “normal” greatly stretched with the recent events of a world-wide virus pandemic.  Although fear may be a helpful reaction when faced with potential physical harm, fear can become a dangerous virus of its own taking the form of chronic unsettledness, discontent, and confusion.   I would like to prescribe the following P-I-L-L for reducing fear and anxiety.  

P- Pursue God.  

The first dose of any solution to our human problems is to cry out to God.  Dating back to ancient times, we have history showing us how God has been faithful to the human race he created.  Most of the Psalms were written about 3 thousand years ago, but are incredibly relevant to today.  Psalms have been read, spoken aloud, silently meditated on, sung, memorized, dramatized, and fully engaged in other ways by generations of people before us.  The authors faced real-life circumstances causing them to seek God, pursue God, find God, and put their trust in God for their Refuge and Salvation.  Besides relating to God through the Bible, calling out to him in prayer (both as an individual and in the company of other people) is an  essential first step to combat fear.

I- Influence Restriction.  

A second dose is to cautiously limit the negative influence of fear mongers.  Fear of loss is a powerful motivator of human behavior, and there are forces in our world using this trait to manipulate for evil purposes.  For example, the traditional news media is a powerful influencer of public opinion, and have been often hijacked to promote false narratives and fear-based propaganda.  Years ago, I personally quit watching TV network so-called news for that reason.  For a while I naively thought I could watch it, sort out fact from fiction for myself, and not have the fear-based influences affect me.  I discovered a person’s best conscious efforts cannot completely overcome an emotionally manipulative message to create fear.   Especially in times when great energy is needed to reduce toxic stress, it’s not worth the risk.  Consider your circumstances to discover other negative influences to restrict (ie. so-called social media, gossip, conversations with people who condemn others).  Avoid speculators, and limit information intake to the facts.  

L- Love as defined by God.  

Jesus summarized the ten commandments into two, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.  This is the greatest and most important command.  The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-39; CSB).  When our identity is rooted in God, we can know who we really are, and we can be released to love others in the way we are loved by God.  Loving others gives us our deepest meaning and purpose in life.  Besides distracting us from our own fears, looking out for the needs and interests of others helps lower others’ fears.  Love is a catalyst for good in the face of evil.  

L- Live in Faith.  

Faith is the ultimate cure for fear.  God is the author and perfecter of faith (Hebrews 12:2).   As “author,” is the source and provider of faith.  As “perfecter,” God is the protector and multiplier of faith.  In order for faith to be alive it must be growing continuously.  For growth to take place, there must be a transformation of old to new and smaller to larger.   With a garden vegetable plant for example, a seed must be placed in the ground.  Then the seed becomes a sprout.  Then the sprout makes an appearance as a short stub of a plant.  A few days or weeks later, it may be a few inches high.  Then more time passes and it becomes a foot or more taller or sprawling as a vine.  Then fruit first appears as a bud, and then growth of the fruit occurs.  Good growth (“perfecting”) depends on good conditions (“authoring”) of soil, water, and temperature.   So it is with our faith in the hands of Almighty God.  The faith in our heart grows through a transformation and progressive sanctification, lifelong process.   A life of faith in God, is a life committed to inside-out change as a life time adventure.  

Fear is the greatest enemy of faith.  While faith has its source in a good God, fear has its source in an evil adversary (the devil).  Going all the way back to the creation of mankind, unbelief,  doubt , and confusion were used by our chief enemy to lure us away from God’s love.  As long as we live in this broken world, we will not be totally free of the potential harassment of fear, but through Jesus (who defeated all our enemies once for all), God’s love is fully accessible (simply by believing, John 3:16).  

We must face our fears with faith.  This is called courage.  With courage, we can choose belief over unbelief, confidence (in God) over doubt, and clarity (of identity and purpose in God) over confusion.  The temptation to fear may not be eradicated, but the courage to respond with faith can grow stronger.  Struggles, trials, and tests develop our perseverance (see James 1:2-4).  As we grow stronger we develop our capacity for larger struggles and trials.  As we witness the global scene become more tumultuous, the possibilities wrought by increasing our resilience (body, mind, soul, and spirit), through faith, should give us hope for facing the future.   (See more on the topic of Emotional Capacity in an earlier article at: http://authoredhersh.blogspot.com/2017/10/emotional-capacity-part-2.html ).

Although there is no actual P-I-L-L for the virus called fear, it can be conquering through pursuing God, restricting bad influences, loving (God, self, and others), and living in transformational faith.  We can declare with confidence, “virus be gone” by swallowing this pill.  

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

Emotion Quotient

Emotion Quotient (EQ) is the measurement for identifying EC. In the previous two articles we examined how emotional capacity (EC) is directly linked to perceived worth and value as a human being. We discussed how shame destroys emotional health and how vulnerability is necessary to chase away the shame.  

Two core elements of vulnerability are discussed next;  honesty and humility.  

I researched  the topic of forgiveness for three years as part of a seminary doctorate degree I completed in 2010.  I learned many amazing things about forgiveness that changed my life forever.  I authored a book Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart to help people find the freedom that true forgiveness provides.  The book is written from a Christian perspective, but principles apply  universally.  I continue to learn more, but the ironic thing about learning to forgive is that, at any given moment,  I am only one offense away from my next lesson in forgiveness.   The necessity to forgive is always preceded by an offense.  Forgiving an offense is not merely a mental decision.  Forgiving involves the emotional capacity (vulnerability) to recognize offense and take the necessary action to surrender ultimate judgment to a higher power.  I discovered that most people do not truly understand and practice forgiveness because they do not understand the nature of offense and its negative impact on their emotional and mental health.  Everyone needs to grow in forgiveness because everyone both offends and gets offended.  Offense is the core issue.

A person’s reaction to offense is a primary indicator of EQ.  Recognizing an offense, wrestling with the reality of loss, and facing the painful emotions takes hard work, but there are no short cuts to building EC.   When our heart is offended, our mind will usually try to cover it up as a self-protection mechanism. The first step to uncovering our mind’s scheme is to be willing to admit our heart’s offense.  When negative thoughts and feelings produce anger and undue fear towards someone who has done us wrong, we must be willing to drill down inside our heart and discover roots of offense. It’s not about the other person’s actions, it’s about your response to them.   Some people believe a myth that they are harder to offend than others.  The truth is, we all offend easily and that’s where honesty comes in.  

Self-honesty begins with awareness.  Am I acting on truth or falsehood?  Am I deceiving myself about the real, for real, motive behind my reactions?  Am I merely numbing pain with some of the actions discussed in the previous article (over eating, over medicating, using pornography, over stimulating with technology etc.)?  These questions should be asked of self when you feel disappointed, discomforted, displeased, frustrated, etc to uncover the stronger feelings of rejection, shame, unworthiness, and the like.  

I think failure to handle offense adequately is the greatest block to building emotional capacity.  It estounds me how frequently people declare, “I’m not really angry,” but then constantly blame and condemn other people, justify their own bad behavior, and show obvious gestures of frustration and discontent about the situation for which they deny the anger.  People claim not to be offended, but show obvious emotions of pain and discomfort and even lash out in slander and gossip of the person they feel wounded by.  The anger usually points to a deeper root of bitter judgment linked to offense.  These judgments are often so common they are difficult to recognize as offense.

The world operates under natural laws that shape reality.  Breaking these laws (realities) produce consequences.  For example, the law of gravity demonstrates disastrous results for jumping out a building on the 10^th floor without a landing device. I believe God created these laws for mankind’s benefit.  Truth can be defined as God’s view of reality.  Each person has their own perspective of reality. When the perspective lines up with truth (God’s reality), things go well.  When things are not going well, it usually means that our perception(s) of realtiy are out of whack somewhere.  Being honest with ourselves about our true condition, makes all the difference.  For example, the law of sowing and reeping says that when a person does good deeds, good results will follow.  When a person does bad deeds, bad will follow.  When a person drinks too much alcohol and drives a car, they endanger themselves and others around them.  If a person is charged with DUI, they are failing to be honest about the effects of alcohol and their ability to drive.  When we are unable or unwilling to be honest about our true condition, this is an indicator of low self-worth and low EQ.  When we have a poor image of self as evidenced by feelings of rejection, shame, and unworthiness, our perceptions of reality will cause self-defeat and self-destruction.   

Accepting this truth also takes humility.  Just behind honesty, humility becomes the second major demonstration of healthy vulnerability.  Being humble is not a show of weakness, but it is strength.  Being humble knows the difference between self-confidence and pride. Being humble puts other people’s interests ahead of self.  Life’s true meaning and purpose is found in adding value to other people’s  lives.   Maybe the most telling aspect of humility (and the most crucial to EQ), is the degree to which a person is teachable.  Teachableness is not merely measured by receiving raw knowledge, but also the willingness to apply that knowledge appropriately.  The writer of the ancient Proverbs called this wisdom.  “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction” (Proverbs 1:7).  The “fear” of the Lord is speaking of respect and honor of God as the source of truth and natural laws (realities of the way the world operates).  A person shows humility when they receive and practice input from other people.  Seeking and relying on truth from God’s higher authority is the most solid foundation for building EQ.  

Most people follow one of two remedies to deal with hurt from life circumstances or relationships. People try their best to pretend things are better than they really are  (denial), or they live to relieve it at all cost (addictive behaviors).  Whether people deny or over-gratify, at some point, they become more painfully aware of their desperate state of human weakness and inability to effect lasting change without higher power resources.  For people to let go of denial or false refuge to face the truth about themselves is sometimes a fearful step. The tension in the inner person between God pushing truth up and a fearful mind pushing the truth down is a form of anxiety.   Part of a person is wise and wants to know the truth. Part of the person is foolish and fears the truth.  For the God-follower, as I write in my book mentioned above, God’s Spirit “reveals the difference, and will bring healing to those who humble themselves and are willing to be cooperative. As people give up their fear of the truth and trust God to forgive them just as they are, then they can begin to surrender themselves and learn to rest in the salvation of God’s grace.”

Truth (God’s view of reality) is the best “measuring stick” for emotional capacity.  Only God knows the degree to which a person makes their heart vulnerable to truth.  A truly honest and humble heart receives truth even when it hurts.  The Psalmist says, “Behold, You desire truth in the innost be ing“ (Psalm 51:6; NASB). Receiving (believing) the truth always involves giving up falsehood.  For example, for a long time I’ve believed that God loves me.  However, my thoughts about God’s love towards me are much different now than five, ten, even one year ago.  Why?  Because intentional vulnerability has allowed me to root out a huge amount of falsehood from my heart.  “God loves me,”My life has meaning,“ “I know who I am” have deeper meaning because there is less falsehood. The following falsehoods have less grip on my thinking: “I’m not good enough for God to love me,”  “I’m nobody,” “I’m not worthy,” “I’ll never be good enough,” and the like.

  Sometimes pondering the answers to questions can help reveal our true beliefs.  Some of the questions below may be tougher for you than others.  

What do I think about vulnerability?  

Do I allow myself to feel?  

Am I afraid to be honest with myself?  What do I fear?

Am I honest with myself about my mental and  emotional condition?  

What positive expressions would I like to see more of in my life (eg. Love, joy, peace …)?

How could being more honest with myself about my emotional condition produce better results?

Are any of my activities/ behaviors numbing pain?  

If so, what kind of help do I need to address the problem?

Am I truly willing to make the adjustments necessary for lasting transformation?  

What is the next step for improvement?   

Can I do it now?  What is the date/ time the step will be taken by?

My hope is that self-honesty and humility will guide you to some answers so you can find vulnerability for growth. Take action, and come back to questions like these in a week or month and repeat for building emotional quotient. Growing as a person, parent, or leader requires more than intelligence, skill, and experience.  Emotion cannot be measured in quantity, but in quality of expression.  True meaning and purpose await a response.

 by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry