In the Grip of Fear

As long as there is breath in our bodies, each of us has a vulnerability to fear that doesn’t ever completely disappear.  We must face it to defeat it.  To conquer fear, we must understand the many different ways it disguises itself in its efforts to steer us away from overcoming faith.  Faith overcomes fear through courage, and courage is strengthened through exposure of fear’s masks.  I commend the reader’s courage to read on.    

Fear lurks in concerns, uncertainty, doubt, precariousness, instability, insecurity, imbalance, unpredictability, undependability, unreliability, unfairness, disorder, disarray, distress, and confusion to name some of the hiding places.  At this writing, almost 3 months into a global Wuhan China virus pandemic, the meaning of “uncertain future” has been taken to a new level for most of us.   

There is a good kind of fear that can serve as a warning for danger.  An example may be hearing a rattle while walking in the woods.  The warning of rattles on a rattle snake can help steer a person  clear of being harmed by the poison of a snake’s bite.  But fear can turn into its own kind of poison if concern is unwarranted, too much change comes our direction in a short period of time, or a crisis threatens our safety and security.  Fear is sometimes a natural response in wrestling with life’s realities.  However, if much time passes without a return to some sort of “normal,” a toxic form of stress weighs a person into anxiety or other unpleasant emotional conditions.  

When I post articles in sequence, I usually post the most recent building on the previous article.  In this case it is backwards.  The previous article called A PILL for the Virus targets how to overcome fear.  But I think I mistakenly assumed people recognize fear and want to get rid of it.  Sometimes it’s hard to see fear’s affects in our lives, and sometimes we don’t think it’s bad enough to hold us in it’s grip.  We must first train ourselves to identity fear before we can deal with it effectively.  Fear is a nasty virus.  The first step for a person to loosen its grip is to recognize what it looks like in daily life.  Asking ourselves some hard questions may be the best way to identify some roots of fear.

Are we thriving?  God created human beings to thrive, not just survive.  Have we merely adapted to a “new normal,” by creating new bad habits?  Or, are we holding firmly to values of faith, family, and friendship no matter what circumstances present us?  Whatever we do that is not done with intentional faith, is subject to a fear motivation.   

Are we believing lies?  God is the source of absolute truth.  Truth dispels fear, but fear is always attached to a lie.  In the case of this current pandemic, has the truth come out about the true origins, nature of spreading, accuracy of testing, methods of transmission, types of treatment, legitimacy of reporting, etc.?  Are we believing inaccurate science, untrustworthy government officials, propagandist so-called news reporting, opportunist financial analysts, ignorant celebrities, or simply anyone who thinks the way we think already?  

Are we over-reacting?  Everything that happens is within the sight,and timing, of God.  There is also nothing “bad” that happens, that he can’t turn into good (Romans 8:28).  If we are a follower of Christ, the very worst thing that could happen to us is that we die and go to heaven.  My readers may have a different opinion, but I don’t consider that a bad deal!  Although fear of death is real for some, the numbers of deaths in the current virus pandemic are smaller in magnitude to other similar pandemics in past times.  For persons with a healthy immune system, the chances of death are almost nothing.  In addition, because of the negative attention given to health care facilities, people with non-virus related conditions are not seeking proper medical help (or being refused in some cases), and dying from conditions they would have otherwise been successfully treated for (eg. heart attacks, strokes, mental health concerns).  Overreacting with fear of exposure to a “potential” virus is causing deaths.   Not to mention the economy and how businesses have needlessly been destroyed because of overreactions to the threat of spreading a virus.  

At this point let me say that I am not advocating removal of legitimate precautions especially for at risk groups like healthcare workers and first responders.    But in my opinion fear reactions by the general public have made conditions far worse than they need to be.  The term “self government” is not familiar to as many people these days, but it holds the key to America’s survival as a nation.  People cannot be forced to act responsibly and in good character.  Virtuous living cannot be legislated into existence.  One of our founding fathers Benjamin Franklin, in 1787 when asked what kind of government was created, answered, “A Republic ….  if you can keep it.”  The virtue practiced (or not practiced)  by individuals, makes or breaks the United States of America.  This is explained well in a book by Eric MeTaxas called “If You Can Keep It: The Forgotten Promise of American Liberty.”   Fear is one of the greatest enemies of the principles and practice of the liberties we enjoy as Americans.  

Are we motivated by fear of loss?  God, our creator, created us to be creative.  Each person has a God-given purpose and meaning in life.  Our greatest satisfaction is felt when we are most in alignment with expressions of this purpose.  We are naturally motivated to try to make the most of any opportunity to advance this purpose.  The loss of missed opportunities are something we want to avoid, so we sometimes settle for the good instead of the best.  We go for the counterfeit and forfeit the real thing.  We grab the temporary, and lose sight of the lasting satisfaction.  Anything we are addicted to (feel like we can’t live without) fits in this category (eg. drugs, porn, busyness, nonmarital intimate relationship, phone, other technology).  Fear is the motivator behind the thinking that, “If I don’t have this _______ (fill in blank with person, activity, or thing), then I’ll be missing out on life.”    

TV advertisers have exploited our fear of loss for years with “Buy this product or service so you don’t miss out.”  Authoritarian style leaders promise, “Give us your acceptance of this inconvenience or restriction, and we’ll provide you with safety.”  Fear of loss of security is what motivates people to give up their God-given rights and freedoms.   

In recent months the assault of fear has shown itself in many other ways too numerous to mention here.  Fear has made everyone suffer (needlessly) for the misdeeds of a few.  Fear has people dwelling on the negative (pessimism), and not seeing the positive (optimism).  Fear has people drawing away from each other (physical presence) at a time (in crisis) when human connection is needed most (for endurance to persevere to make it through).  Especially those being stricken with the Covid-19 virus,  isolating them completely from their families is extremely short-sighted.  Fear creates and aggravates deeper mental health problems.  

Fear is creating havoc in our community, but its roots grow in each individual’s heart.  I pose some additional questions here for each person to ask.  

How/ where is fear operating in my life?

How/ where has fear become a negative influence in my thinking and actions in a crisis?

In what ways am I thinking differently (than pre-crisis)?  

From whom or where did I get information that made me think this way?  

How have my beliefs changed?  

What am I saying differently?  

From whom or where did I/ we acquire the new phrases I/ we am/ are hearing and repeating?

(eg. “flattening the curve,” “social distancing,” “new normal,” “public safety,” “essential services,” “non-essential workers”)

What things am I doing differently?

From whom or where did I pick up these actions and behaviors?  

What important values or aspirations have I given up on (as a result of all this)?

Have I/ we been suckered into accepting a dumbed-down existence for no real reason?

   How did I/ we let it happen?  

What could have I/ we done differently, and how do I/ we now make adjustments/ amends?

Am I/ Are we willing to refrain from complaining, justifying, and blaming

(and take responsibility for our contribution)?  

What have I/ we lost? What has been stolen/ destroyed?    

   How does that make me feel?   

   How have these thoughts and feelings turned into decisions, opinions, and condemning judgments?   

   Am I holding bitterness, resentment, or blame that I need to relinquish?

Am I/ Are we still is so much denial that these questions don’t make sense enough to stir thinking?     

If it seems like I may have more questions than answers, I guess that’s true.  Hopefully these question can spur some rational thinking.  Fear traffickers do not want people thinking for themselves.  Irrational fear has destructive results.  Fear-focused people are doomed to destructive outcomes.  Rational thinking focuses on solutions, not the problem.  Perhaps now the reader is better prepared to read my previous article for a P-I-L-L (solution) for this virus of fear.  (See article at: http://authoredhersh.blogspot.com/2020/05/a-pill-for-virus.html ,  OR see video at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Px1tt5rjdM )

My hope for each reader is to escape the grip of fear as much as possible. This is our only hope for keeping the liberties we value as Americans.  

by Ed Hersh, BnB Healing Ministry

Overcoming Grief and Loss

As I write this, looming as large as a pandemic of coronavirus outbreak, is a pandemic of grief.  I’m not talking about the obvious grief of those losing a loved one who dies.  I’m talking about the grief caused by more generalized losses.  These may include  sudden illness, public safety, home safety, necessities of life (food and shelter), physical health, life routines, peace of mind,  emotional security, employment, business ownership, trust in people, privacy, social interaction,  faith in science, faith in God, self-image, self-worth, and a host of identity issues and beliefs questioning who we are and where we’re going.  There is no shortage of loss these days.  I used to think of grief in terms of mourning the death of someone in close relationship, but have learned that grief applies to all types of losses and hurts.  For loss to be recovered (large and small losses alike), loss must be grieved.

When things feel so out of control, as in these times, how should we respond? As a Christian, the obvious answer is to turn to God.  But in our human condition, what does that look like?  We see in the Bible that Jesus bears our grief and carries our sorrows for us (see Isaiah 53:1-6).  Jesus came to redeem us from our sin and to bear the pain of the consequences of sin in our world.  Although Jesus accomplished this work for us, it is often very difficult for us as individuals to surrender to His way of working it out in our humanity.  Processing grief can be hard work, but it is essential for our well being.  Grief is something everyone is going through in the midst of pandemic, whether they are willing to admit it or not.

Grief is the process of engaging loss, making adjustments, and recovering new hope for meeting life’s needs.   Let’s briefly consider these three elements.

First, consider your losses.  Identify them, and make a list.   Name not only the tangible losses like job, finances, school, time, health, relationship, too much or too little personal space etc., but also name the intangible (emotional)  losses that go with each tangible loss.  Intangible losses may be things like confidence or competence level, sense of safety or security, degree of peace of mind, personal dignity, self-sufficiency, sense of control, beliefs about God, other people, or self,  trust in people or institutions, and self-worth and values issues.  Making this list may sound like a goofy idea, but it will have a huge payoff in the long run.  If you don’t name, you don’t know what to reclaim.  There’s no recovery without discovery.  It’s that simple.   An exercise in naming losses requires some time alone and free from distractions.  It can be emotionally draining, so take a break if you feel overwhelmed.  

With a written list, you now have something to return to as you go through making adjustments which is the core work of grief.   Making adjustments involves stepping through at least four phases of re-orienting yourself to life.  As many counselors do, when I explain grief, I usually draw an inverted bell-shaped curve on a blank sheet of paper.  The curve slopes downward on the left side, and back up on the right.   

Beginning on the left, the first, initial impact phase is the shock of it all, likely including some numbness, denial, and maybe even some  erratic emotional reactions.  Second phase, wrestling with reality, is where the anger and fear may kick in with searching for answers, and sometimes some panic feelings with an incident of high impact.  A third phase, dealing with the pain, is at the bottom of the curve.  This Is where the feeling and emotions need to be identified and worked through to resolution.  Things like guilt, shame, fear, anxiety, loneliness, abandonment, powerlessness, depression, and confusion are normal responses and felt in varying degrees by different people.   Resolving to a tolerable degree of  pain may take time--hours, days, months, and years for deeper losses.  Time periods for grieving losses  are also unique to the individual.  

 This process is much too involved to completely describe here, but an important key is to permit  yourself to feel.  That might sound strange, but most of us have been taught to ignore, deny, or minimize, as much as possible, the emotional part of our being.  Dumbing down emotions without first discovering the message they are trying to relay to us, is a perilous mistake.  Be honest with yourself and name the feelings and emotions.  This is the phase of grieving where many people get stuck.  Even if you give up (intentionally or unintentionally) on grief, grief will never give up on you.  Grief is real.  If not processed through, it can haunt you the rest of your life.  If the unpleasant emotion is too hard to work through, seek out a good counselor to help you to recovery.

Recovery is on the way when you can start to look back and see your quality of life returning in a positive direction to what it was before the loss.  Recovery is a process of re-organizing your life and finding new hope for the future.  After job loss, for example, a person may develop a new skill, or discover a hidden  talent that helps them find a more suitable job than their previous employment.  Recovery is being able to say, “If I hadn’t lost my job, I wouldn’t be in a better place today.”   Things like new skills, new relationships, new beliefs, and ways of seeing things around you, all provide hope.   Hope is what keeps us going.  The journey isn’t always a smooth ride neatly progressing through the phases.  There may be some degree of victory, and then another reminder, negative event, or trigger raises more concerns or things to process.  Re-processing is not to be considered a setback, but growth.  Growing involves periods of stretching.  

As believers in Christ, our true hope is in the Lord, as our Bible tells us.  God is at the center of this entire process and as we walk with Jesus, he transforms our heart along the way.  The inner person healing journey is very similar to working through grief.  New understanding and practice of forgiveness is often a part of this. Refer to my previous articles for more on pursuing transformation and sanctification.  

 The process of grieving losses described above can be as reflective and prayerful as you choose to make it.  The greater the seriousness you give it, the greater the potential blessing God has for you on the recovery side.  Grief can be viewed as a gift to give us an invitation to press into God to know him more, and be known by him.  

Whether you work with God to respond  to loss, or not, there is one more thing to consider.  Unresolved grief produces high levels of toxic stress.  When this stress becomes intolerable, very unhealthy things occur.  One of three scenarios is likely--victim, survivor, or rescuer.  A victim interprets life from a poverty mindset and acts out by rejecting (victimizing) self or others.  A survivor stuffs the pain, and appears to have survived with a decent level of functionality, but losing control is always a threat.  A rescuer turns to unwittingly helping others out of their pain to compensate for their own lack of pain processing.   Examining ourselves to see where we may have tendencies of victim, survivor, or rescuer can make us aware of unprocessed pain.

           Although I’ve barely scratched the surface of this topic, please give it more consideration.  If you are struggling, you are not strange and you are not beyond hope.  Reach out to someone you trust today.  If you want someone to pray with or discuss this more, give me a call.  If I can be of help to your group (online or in person when we are allowed to return to gathering), please call.  I have helped many people through this process, and I have my own grief to process as well.  

My prayer is that we are willing to do the hard work of grieving losses, to become more resilient and better prepared to help as help is needed in our communities.  

Note:  Sometimes accumulated losses (many losses in a short period of time) can have a similar affect as a traumatic event.  Trauma complicates this process and puts you at greater risk of doing harm.  If you are having lingering thoughts of suicide or hurting someone else, call for emergency help immediately.

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry