Adult children who forsake their parents seems to be more common in recent times. It is evidently an age-old problem however, since Solomon addresses it in the Proverbs. “Whoever robs their father and drives out their mother, is a child who brings shame and disgrace.” (Proverbs 19:26; NIV).
One of the ways so-called “cancel culture” manifests, is by cutting off relationship with a person(s) deemed unlikable or unworthy for some reason, even if no rational reason for harm is present. It should go without saying that this is a practice opposed to godliness and biblical truth. But it is amazing to me how much I hear of people who call themselves Christ-followers who simply refuse to communicate with people they once called friends. This becomes even more egregious when the person(s) cut off is a family member(s). And when parents are cut off by their children, it is especially “shameful and disgracefull” as the Proverb puts it.
God is a God of reconciliation. God calls his followers to be ministers of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5). Offense is inevitable in the context of the broken world in which we live. At times we may be on one side of offense or the other; the offended person, or the offending person. But God calls us to forgive always, and reconcile whenever possible. Since it takes two to reconcile, and we can’t control the other person(s), we must be committed to pursue making things right in our own hearts to the greatest degree possible. Reconciling leaves no room for “cancelling” or deeming someone (or a situation) irredeemable.
we are called to treat people with honor and respect (Colossians 3:13). A person’s identity is not the same as their behavior. Even if a person’s behavior is bad, and guilt is real, God can forgive upon their confession and repentance. and so In condemning bad behavior, we must value the person as a child of God and worthy of His redeeming grace. When people do things that irritate or hurt us, silence and avoidance is not an option. We must try to not allow wounds to fester, so that relationships are not halted by unresolved conflict.
This is especially true in family, as our closest earthly relationships. God ordained family for survival and training of the young, contribution to community as adults, and sustainability for the human race. As humans we do not have a choice who our parents are. We are born to parents of God’s choosing and into family by God’s design. We may choose who we want our friends to be, but our blood relatives are chosen for us.
Thus, any ill treatment and dishonoring by adults towards their parents can be viewed as an act of rebellion against God. In fact, this is so important in God’s sight, that it is included as one of the ten commandments (see Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5). The importance Is emphasized even more by Paul making a direct quote (of the Old Testament scriptures) to the Ephesian church, “Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land” (Ephesians 6:2-3; HCSB). Life going well is directly linked to how one treats their parents.
Life will not go well for anyone who tries to cut off relationship with their parent(s). And cutting off their children’s relationship with their parents (their children’s grandparents) is especially dishonoring. Besides their parents, the second most important relationship in a child’s life is their grandparents. For parents to deliberately withhold or discourage their developing child’s relationship with their grandparents is acting in contempt of God’s order of things. An obvious exception is when the grandparent(s) pose some sort of harm to the children. But simply having a conflict with the parents, should not preclude their children from having a relationship with their grandparents.
Recently, I’ve encountered a number of parents with adult children casting the parents out of their lives (for no rational reason), and refusing to want to reconcile. This month is when we celebrate the birth of the King of Reconciliation. Jesus “came to seek and to save the lost” (Luke 19:10). Whatever was lost through conflict and separation, God can mend. Jesus saves. But it takes willing hearts.
Christmas is meant to be a time to celebrate with joy, the arrival of the Savior of the world. I pray that during this season, steps toward healing broken family relationships can be taken. I pray the joy of family unity will be restored by the power of what Jesus accomplished by coming to this earth and redeeming mankind. For those reading this and not having family struggles, please pray for those who are experiencing seemingly unresolvable conflict. When one person in the family hurts, the whole family hurts. When one family hurts, it contributes to a community of hurting families . Many hurting families contribute to hurting churches, communities, and a hurting nation. Pray for God’s people to be His reconcilers, as family forever.
by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry
