This is
part three of a three part trilogy on the kind of "trash" known as inner conflict or unresolved heart
issues. Part One (Taking Out the
Trash) discussed some of the ways inner pain can create unhealthy patterns of thinking and tolerating destructive
behaviors. In Part Two (Trash Leads to
Crash) I show how these patterns develop into
diseases that destroy our quality of life, and if not dealt with, can
lead to disastrous cancer and death.
This article shows how to
overcome and live in freedom as a Christian.
We looked
at the example of the ancient King David in the Bible. This godly man became a victim of trash
thoughts and actions to the point of also victimizing others around him. Psalm 51 records some of his response when
he finally came to his senses so-to-speak.
Here is what David remembered about God, "Behold, You desire truth
in the innermost being, And in the hidden part You will make me know
wisdom" (Psalm 51:6). His heart of
repentance allowed for redemption, even though some consequences had a high
cost. Instead of only feeling sorry for
himself (remorse), he demonstrated sorrow for the grief he had caused his
victims and God himself (repentance).
His offenses were great, but he recognized and trusted in the greater
grace of God to execute mercy and justice to deal with the trash. The way this occurred in David's life
warrants a closer look than this article can provide.
It seems
somewhat ironic that the same inner person David allowed to become twisted
toward evil, is the same inner person who became vulnerable to correction and
straight living. To experience the glad
center of our being (peace, joy, satisfaction), we must learn to manage the
risks and vulnerability of the sad center of our being (shame, guilt,
and dissatisfaction). Correcting
"heart issues" cannot be done by denying they exist, minimizing their
magnitude, or placing the blame somewhere else. Shutting down your heart to the potential for "sad,"
will also shut down any possibilities of "glad." Another way to see this is to recognize that
life brings both sad and glad experiences. There is no either/ or option, but both/
and is guaranteed.
Therefore,
moving forward in our journey of life, whether a past experience becomes trash
or treasure, is (in large measure), governed by how we decide to respond
to it. We become what we focus on. What
we think, is who we become. Ralph Waldo
Emerson is quoted to say, "The only person you are destined to become is
the person you decide to be." This
is true, at least in part, because each person, individually, is the ONLY
person who can take complete charge of his thoughts to forge positive
change.
The
vulnerability of our human condition requires us to make an important
distinction between guilt and shame.
Brene Brown, researcher at University of Texas, writes and speaks
extensively on the topic of shame. She
points out that guilt involves feelings about what people DO, while shame
involves feelings about who people ARE.
Guilt convicts a person of their conduct, while shame condemns the
person. When we confuse guilt and
shame, we are unable to maintain our self-worth in the face of admitting guilt
for wrong actions. If we think
shamefully of ourselves as a worthless, irreparable, unredeemable person, as
noted above, we will surely set ourselves up to become that kind of
person. If we think unashamedly of ourselves as a worthy person
capable of repairable and redeemable actions, we can position ourselves for
success. Since our natural human
tendency is to think negatively (shamefully) of ourselves, it requires effort
to transform our thinking patterns away from shame-based responses. Brene Brown also points out the error of
equating vulnerability with weakness.
Making your heart vulnerable to things outside your comfort zone, is a
sign of maturity, not weakness. When
you can acknowledge and face your personal susceptibility to shame-based
thinking, you become a stronger person.
I recommend Dr. Brown's books on the topic of shame to gain more insight
as to how this works.
The heart
of mankind can be the source of mischievous desires and bad judgment, but at
the same time, it is also the source of genuine satisfaction and
fulfillment. King David's example
showed us how to overcome shame (feelings of worthlessness) to find the
strength to face his guilt (sinful behavior).
Although anxiety and rest come from the same inner center of being,
David fought through his fear and anxiety, so that the treasure of rest and
peace of mind could be attained. Jesus said, "For
where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matthew 6:21). A Christian perspective of treasure begins
with a desire to honor God with our thoughts and actions. The more obstacles
(trash) we can remove from our hearts the more healed and Christ-like we can
become, and thus the more fulfilled and purposeful we can live.
A book that
greatly helped me early in my personal healing journey is called The Life
Model: Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You by James Friesen, PhD,
et.al. The authors write the following
about how the heart, soul, and mind work together,
"When
the Word of the Lord tells us to love God with our ”heart, soul, and mind”
(Matthew 22:37), that includes our whole self. The heart is your eyes
for seeing spiritual reality (Ecclesiastes 11:9); literally, the heart is the
”eyes and ears that know God.” The heart is where understanding resides, and is
the origin of spiritual discernment. It is particularly influential in shaping
a person’s sense of spiritual identity. ”Living from the heart Jesus gave you”
is a term that brings identity together with the spiritual reality of who we
are. It is a term that says God designed each of us to be a particular kind of
person, with characteristics uniquely our own. When we are living from the
heart Jesus gave us, we are being the persons He specifically designed. Living
this way integrates the soul, where the feelings are, and the mind, where
the thinking takes place.
In
talking about our hearts, we need to be careful to note that the heart is not
the emotions. Living from our hearts is not simply doing what our feelings tell
us. That would be folly. Living from our hearts means that there is an inner
directive that, if governed by the Spirit of God, keeps us on a path that is
spiritually attuned to who we are and how God is leading. When our hearts are
focused on God, we see who we are and know what we are to be doing. The Word of
God reminds us that we all had desperately sick hearts (Jeremiah 17:9), and we
all need God to heal them. The heart from Jesus is a reborn heart, a heart
where He resides. There are many references to a transformed heart throughout
scripture. One passage is in the book of Ephesians, where the apostle Paul
prays for the new believers in the Ephesian church. ”I pray that out of his
glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your
inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith” (Ephesians
3:16-17). God wants to live in our hearts. When He is there we experience the
freedom and power to be the persons He created us to be" (Friesen, et.al.
1999).
Tolerating
trash in our lives creates a divided heart, invites pests as guests, and allows
our enemy to steal the abundance of life that Jesus came to give us (see John
10:10). However, our hearts can be
transformed into treasure, like the process of refining gold into a treasure of
treasures. Living with an undivided
center of identity and integrity is the essence of wholeness. Wholeness of heart is a treasure worth
sacrificing for. It can produce
advantages such as preparing for future unannounced storms of life, simplifying
and avoiding further complications in relationship, and living an overall healthier
and higher quality of existence. Why
would we settle for anything less?
The
purest gold of all is the relationship we can enjoy with Father God. Our tendency to be defeated by the shame and
guilt in our heart is caused by our sin nature. Jesus is our Savior from this vulnerable condition. When we accept this treasure in our heart,
we are once again restored to living in the presence of Almighy God. We can experience God as Father, and enjoy
all the benefits of sonship (or daughtership) with him.
And remember what made the greatest
impact on King David's heart to push it in a different direction? When he realized the One he offended the
most by his sinful actions was God Himself.
Relationship with God was his ultimate treasure that he lost. We too offend God when we offend (mistreat,
sin against) other people. It offends
God when we critically judge, prejudge, or misjudge a fellow human being (when
they fail to meet our expectations or needs).
These offenses (committed by ourselves or others) have been forgiven by
Jesus as our Refuge. We need only to turn offenses over to him for his
forgiveness (see John 20:21-23). The
Psalms (many written by David) express this Refuge theme again and again. That's one reason I make the Psalms part of
my daily reading, and I encourage you to do the same.
I am
reminded of a Neil Young 1970's hit song called Heart of Gold. which
says, "I want to live, I want to give,
I've been a miner for a heart of gold.
.... Keep me searchin' for a
heart of gold ..." What if we each
sing that song about ourselves? I think
our world could be a much better place if each of us could turn the search
inward before searching outward. Can we
really know what we're searching for, if we haven't found it first within? A final question, "Am I willing to make
my heart a "heart of gold," so that "miners" (other people)
can discover the gold?" Go for
the gold! And make the most of the
refining process.
Disclaimer: I realize there may be a small percentage of
people who read this who have tried as hard as they can to choose the better way, but feel, for whatever
reason, they are unable to do it.
Please do not feel condemned for trying and failing. Seek help from a trusted friend or
counselor, and remember that human flesh may be weak, but God is strong. God only asks of us what he knows we can
handle.
Note: The book Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive
from the Heart discusses themes of dealing with disappointments, offense
and finding freedom in forgiveness.
This book is designed to help people (especially in the Christian
faith) to discover and dislodge things
in life that lead to defeat. Don't miss out on your chance to use this book as
a helpful tool in discovering Refuge in Christ. It can be purchased by clicking
here: http://bluerockbnb.com/healing/book_main.htm . If you get anywhere near
Pennsylvania for vacation or on business, be sure to look us up for lodging
at http://bluerockbnb.com
by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry
