In the previous blog post, I
discussed the link between fruits (results of our actions) and the roots
(thinking and core belief systems).
Building on the idea that thoughts lead
to feelings, feelings lead to actions, and actions lead to results
(T>F>A=R),
let's look at an example of how the cycle of offense (discussed in chapter one
of my book Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart)
enslaves a person to their own lie-based thinking.
One form of entrapment in a cycle of unforgiveness may be
expressed by people trying to perform their way out of severe disappointment,
bitterness, or resentment through self-righteousness. Although good works might
make a good impression on fellow man, they are useless (for salvation) in the
sight of God. From God’s perspective, a person’s good deeds are like a “filthy
garment” (Isa. 64:6). Christians may sometimes fall into a cycle known as
“performance orientation” (as named by the Sandfords who founded the Elijah
House). It is characterized by seeking acceptance or identity based on activity
level.
The cycle develops like this: A
person keeps overly busy serving in the church and receives much affirmation
and acceptance for his or her work. He begins to tire, or becomes disappointed
by someone's critical opinion of his performance. The person’s spirit begins to
ask, “Is this really working?” The person becomes disillusioned and his
performance begins to wane. His work fails to earn the love he craves and once knew.
He spirals into a black hole of depression, self-doubt, self-condemnation, and
self-rejection. He thinks if he engages and does more activity, his painful
symptoms will go away. As his performance improves and the praise from others
puts him at the top of the world, he once again burns out and repeats the cycle
all over again.
To some degree each person reading this must admit
that he is vulnerable to believing the lie that he must earn the right to be
loved, which causes him to work harder and harder to perform. This performance
can be rewarded in countless ways: the job promotion, the higher pay, the
status, the compliments, the sense of well-being that comes with approval and
acceptance. It may all seem so right, but if God’s glory is not being manifested
in the activity, His presence is not breathing life into it. It becomes a dead
work (1 Cor. 3:11-13), fueled only by self-willed passions and desires.
Receiving God’s forgiveness requires a realization of the
truth of our need and inadequacy. But it must always be remembered that God
required nothing of Adam and Eve before He initiated the reconciliation
process. He came looking for them and questioned them about their fig-leaf
covering before they ever acknowledged their sin and shame (Gen. 3:6-11). God
does the same for each person. Accepting the Gift of Jesus to cleanse from sins
requires not only honesty of an unclean condition, but the humility to receive
the help to become clean.
The work of forgiving another person requires not merely
mentally assenting to a need for change, but also motivationally responding
with a will to pursue the change. A heart of brokenness is the fertile soil for
the seeds of forgiveness. This theme is reiterated several times in the book of
Isaiah which says: “‘Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came
into being?’ declares the LORD. ‘This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and
contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word’” (Isa. 66:2). God’s Word is the
ultimate authority in the Christian’s life. A heart of forgiveness is produced
by a heart accepting its need for the Word of its Creator (John 14:23).
Forgiveness is not about what you
do, but it is about what God has done. Forgiveness is surrendering
to God the sole right to judge a person's performance (including your
own). Surrendering to God is the true
path to freedom.
Note: The book Escaping the Pain of Offense:
Empowered to Forgive from the Heart discusses themes of dealing with
offense and finding freedom in forgiveness.
This book is designed to help people (especially in the Christian
faith) to discover and dislodge things
in life that lead to defeat. Don't miss out on your chance to use this book as
a helpful tool in discovering Refuge in Christ. It can be purchased by clicking
here: http://bluerockbnb.com/healing/book_main.htm . If you get anywhere near PA for vacation or on business, be sure to look us
up for lodging at
http://bluerockbnb.com
by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry
