Ephesians 4 Unity

Mining the fourth chapter of the book of Ephesians in the Bible has some real treasures for living as a whole person.  

This text is part of a letter sent from a prison in the first century by the Apostle Paul.  Chapter 4 begins by  identifying some target virtuous behaviors.  He sets the bar high up front so the reader knows what to shoot for.  Then at the end of the chapter, he lists behaviors to avoid so the contrast is clear.  In the center of the chapter, Paul reveals the inner person change that is necessary for achieving the good (and godly) life.  As individuals’ hearts are surrendered to God, he casts a vision for how they work together to transform the world in which they live.  Their good deeds are not meant for the purpose of patting themselves on the back, but to offer hope for a lost world.   

Looking a little deeper, there are six paragraphs of thought in the chapter.  Let’s briefly pull out the key point of each.  

  The first 6 verses emphasize how Christians should conduct themselves in recognizing “one God and Father of all, who is overall and through all and in all”(v6).   Our perspective of God influences everything else about us.  Seeing God as the sovereign Creator he is, builds our trust in his ability to work things out even when circumstances look rather hopeless.  The evidence of yeilding control to God, and not selfishly demanding our own way, then allows us to practice the things Paul tells us here to be.  Be humble, gentle, patient, loving, unified, and peaceful.  

In the second paragraph (verses 7-13) Paul emphasizes the central role of Jesus Christ.  Paul quotes a Psalm written about one thousand years before this time, to show how God keeps his promises and extends his grace to the whole human race.  The Good News of Christ’s saving grace is the most unifying message known to mankind.  Paul uses the illustration of a human body with many body parts working together, to describe how people work together in the Church to function as the “Body of Christ.”  No Christian is an “island” unto himself.  Our behavior is part of the image of the entire Body.  

Then the third section (verses 14-16) gives a strong encouragement to “no longer be infants” in our manner of maturity.  Christ is the Head of the Body.  We are all to work together with Christ Jesus as the Head.  Christ is who we follow.  We must guard against fads, factions, and falsehoods.  The imagery of a growing body speaks of process.  The body grows as its parts grow.  As each part (individual) is submitted to the Head, the whole body (unified Christ followers) is submitted to the Head.  The process of personal growth as a Christ follower is called sanctification.  This brings us to the core theme of Paul’s message.  

Verses 17-19 state, “So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking.  They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts.  Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.” This paragraph literally gets to the heart of the matter.  Paul addresses changing thinking patterns, belief systems, and holding Truth in high value.  The reason for all brokenness and pain in our human condition is summed up in these words,  “separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts.”  Stinking thinking comes from “hardness of heart.”   A transformed heart (inner being) renews the mind, and a renewed mind restores behaviors to line up with Truth.  Softness to God and his ways is the foundation for growth. We must examine our inner attitudes and motivations as a first step to any positive change.     

This reminds me of the contrite heart spoken of in Psalm 51.  Calling out to God it  says, “You desire truth in the innermost being, And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom” (Psalm 51:6; NASB).  Repentance (turning around) begins with recognizing that only God can change the heart, which changes the mind, which together changes the behaviors.  Surrendering more and more of our heart to God each day is the core of the process.   This sanctifying work is necessary for becoming a whole person.  As each individual changes more into who God created them to be, the whole Body changes to reflect more of God’s glory.   Inner heart change of the individuals fuel the inner heart change of the Body.  The degree to which the Body is unified is dependant on the degree of inner heart change of each disciple.  Unity of the Body should not be measured merely by how well Chrisitans are doing things together, but by how well their being is surrendered to Jesus.  

The next 5 verses further define what it looks like for us to allow our hearts to be softened by God.  It says, “put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;  to be made new in the attitude of your minds”(Ephesians 4:22b-23). Again, becoming a more devoted follower of Christ (new self) is a process to nurture daily.  Without God’s intervention we are often not even able to recognize the depth to which we deceive ourselves into thinking our current patterns are left well enough alone.  Our minds and hearts are like the software of a computer.  Constant upgrades are necessary to make applications function optimally, and also to prevent the hacker of our soul to plant a virus that destroys everything.  

Finally, the last 9 verses of this chapter are preceded with the word “therefore,” which is there for a reason.  What is said to this point is now expected to create the following results.   Read the text in the Bible since space doesn’t allow me to mention them all here.  They all have to do with how we treat other people.  Relating well with others depends on the “heart work” of preparing your personal inner being.  Anger is discussed as a means for recognizing the impact of bitterness and resentment.  An embittered heart is always at the root of broken relationships.  The very last words of the chapter are, “forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”  Forgiveness is the foundation for healing.  Understanding and practicing forgiveness is the substance of the inner person change explained above.  Properly understanding and regularly practicing forgiveness is essential for growing in followership of Jesus. As part of my seminary studies, I devoted about 3 years to reading just about everything I could find on the topic of forgiveness.   My research on the topic of forgiveness is recorded in a book called Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart.  I continue to learn and apply forgiveness in new ways.  The topic is inexhaustable.  

I discovered that very few Christians actually understand and practice forgiveness that Christ Jesus (the Head) teaches them to follow. Forgiveness is the foundation for salvation and deliverance. God is the author and finisher of forgiveness.  As long as there is breath in our body, we have need to allow God to finish His work of forgiveness in us (which requires our ongoing intentional cooperation).  In some ways, I think the last phrase (forgiving each other, just as God in Christ forgave you) sums up the entire chapter.  Forgiving is the fruit of an inner being softened by, and surrendered to, God.  Forgiving hinges on first recognizing when an offense creates hardness of heart (see Hebrews f12:15).  When we fail to own our offenses, we fail to give forgineness opportunity to work the inner change God desires for us to experience.  Unresolved offenses are the most common virus the hacker of our soul uses to keep us from the unity described as the focus of this chapter.  

              Praying and working for unity is a good thing.  But for better results maybe we have some adjustments to make in our hearts.  Should we first be praying like David in Psalms,  “Search me, God, and know my heart;  test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me,  and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24)?  Are we genuinely seeking the answer to this prayer?  We need to let God show us where we have been an offense to other people. But often, the more difficult thing is to stop harboring anger and bitterness we think we are entitled to because of the hurt someone inflicted on us.  When we hold an offense (real of perceived) that someone commits against us, we in turn offend God by not yielding to Christ’s work of forgiveness to wash away the sin.  Is there a strained relationship in your life right now where your condemning judgment may have taken root in your heart?  Are you willing to take the steps necessary to root out, and remain clean from, the frustrations, annoyances, irritations, aggrevations, or vexations hiding behind anger and an embittered heart?  It is for this freedom that Christ has set us free.  Freedom comes at the price of our willingness to submit to inner person change.  Our Father God provides it.   Christ’s work through the Cross and Resurrection accomplishes it (and deserves worshipful surrender).  The Holy Spirit empowers it.  And unity of believers commands it    

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

Reconciliation: Making Things Friendly

           Forgiving is not the same as reconciling.  In researching the topic of forgiveness for a doctoral degree a number of years ago, the discovery of the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation was the single most life changing discovery of the project.  Remember, forgiving means surrendering to God the right to judge (an offense).   Forgiving restores relationship with God, whereas reconciliation restores relationship human to human (the offender. with those offended).  The good news for the offended is that the  freedom of forgiveness is not tied to the offender's ability (or willingness) to reconcile.  Another important thing to learn is that trying to reconcile before forgiving may actually cause more harm to a relationship than not attempting to reconcile at all.  Forgiveness prepares your heart and helps make your attitude more responsive rather than reactive.  Let me explain more here. 

            First, let's define reconciliation.  According to Webster's dictionary it is “the act of causing two people or groups to become friendly again after an argument or disagreement.”   Reconciling is often not an easy choice.  It may require humility and vulnerability to let other people see who you really are on the inside.  It usually requires confrontation.  The self-confrontation involved in forgiving is one thing, but confronting another person because of an offense can be very scary.  The lack of willingness to confront is often the greatest barrier to reconciliation. 

            Like forgiving, reconciling is not an option for a Christian. It is a mandate.  We must take very seriously the responsibility of attempting to "set things right."   In the previous article called The Commission to Forgive (posted 11/1/15), I quoted a passage from the Apostle Paul's letter to the first century Corinthian church which includes the statement that Christ himself “has committed to us the ministry of reconciliation” (see 2 Corinthians 5:15-20).  So, what might the results of this ministry of reconciliation look like?  I encourage you to read the entire fourth chapter of Ephesians to get a good snapshot of an answer to that question.  Some of the phrases that jump out are these, “live a life worthy,” “be completely humble and  gentle,” ”be patient, bearing one another in love,”  “keep the unity,” “speaking the truth in love,” “grow and build up,” “put off your old self,” “put on the new self,” “be made new in the attitudes of your mind,” and “do not let the sun go down on your anger.”  Summarizing the chapter, “ Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  ...  Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:29:32).   Reconciling is meant to benefit not only the offended, but the offender as well.  When relationships are restored and functioning well, the community at large will also benefit.  Church, business, government, and other organizations thrive on healthy relationships between individuals.  

            It takes at least one party to initiate reconciliation.  It takes two parties to obey the mandate for completing reconciliation.  One of the most common reasons for relational breakup and disunity is a disagreement, disappointment, or offense that has never been processed through.  It is not okay to walk away from a relationship, group, or situation just because you become angry or hurt by things that didn't go your way.  It is okay to have desires, preferences, and high expectations of character  (remembering that no one is perfect), but it is not okay to avoid healthy confrontation of brokenness that causes relational separation and division.  I discuss healthy conflict in a separate article. 

            In the previous article I stated, “Surrendering your right to judge doesn't mean you are surrendering your rights for justice to be served.”  In fact, when the “heart work” of forgiveness begins to produce its good fruit, it requires the action steps (toward reconciliation) to deliver the results to the world around you.  Forgiving an offender does not mean the offender is relieved of due consequences to be paid for an offense.  For example, in the case of abuse, forgiving an abuser is different from holding the abuser accountable for his or her actions.  The safety of the victim must be established and if the abuser's actions are criminal behavior, the laws must be enforced to protect from further victimization and give the victimizer an opportunity to turn away from the sin of abuse and be restored as a person with worth and dignity.  The abuse victim may or may not ever be reconciled to the abuser, but the power of forgiveness can free the victim of the damage caused by the victimization.  The more completely forgiveness is achieved, the greater the degree of freedom to be lived. 

            It is also true that the more completely forgiveness is achieved (the more an offense is surrendered to God), the more prepared an offended person is to attempt reconciliation.  It only takes one party to forgive.  It takes two parties to reconcile.  Remember, there are two sides to every offense (the offender and the offended), and you may find yourself on either side at any given time in a relationship or circumstance.  If the offense seems unintentional on the part of the offender,  forgiveness may be exercised by the offended, but for reconciliation to be complete, the offender may still need to become involved.  Perhaps for example, a minor miscommunication of traveling directions by Jane causes John to be late for an important appointment.  John may forgive Jane and decide it's not worth mentioning Jane's mistake to her.  John may even hold himself responsible for not double checking or using a different source to find the information he needed.  But then another similar incident occurs between Jane and John, and John has a harder time to forgive and the need to reconcile becomes more evident.      

            The teaching of Jesus addresses the issue of repeat offendenses among brothers and sisters in Christ.   One reference is in Matthew 18:15-17.  I'll not go into detail here, but when reconciliation is attempted by the person offended, and the offender wants nothing to do with reconciliation or justice, it is time to get help from a friend or advocate.  Forgiveness, without pursuing reconciliation or justice, may only make the situation worse for everyone. 

            Sometimes offensive behaviors get excused as personality traits, styles of leadership, attributes of  professionalism, or “everybody does it” generalities.  They may even pose as necessity to keep the peace, tolerable as long as no one is getting hurt, or as a short-term loss to achieve a long-term benefit 

However, the truth, requires pain with gain, no short-cuts to relational integrity, confrontation to achieve inner peace, and trustworthy character to facilitate trust.  Leaders can fall into the trap of offense as quickly as anyone else.  Look at Moses for example.  One of the strongest leaders of the ancient Israeli people, witnessed an incident of severe injustice against a kinsman.  Although his intentions were good in trying to help his fellow Hebrew brothers and sisters, his attitude and behaviors that led to killing an Egyptian slave-driver back-fired.  Moses had to escape and live in hiding for 40 years as a result of his mistake.  Attempting short-cuts, when it comes to forgiving and reconciling,often erect negative relational walls that create confusion, erode authenticity, prohibit collaboration, and ultimately destroy trust and  trustworthiness.

            People are not the enemy.  People's actions (offenses) are the enemy.  We have a great Enemy who uses offenses (people's actions) in an attempt to divide and conquer.  We must be wise to this tactic and vigilant to resist the trap of offense.  People align with  the enemy when they refuse to reconcile. 

            Sometimes you can become an "enemy" of  yourself.   A person's perception of low self-worth and poor self-concept is at the core of all human problems.  God gave his only Son Jesus as our saving grace to reconcile us back to the Father.  Father creates worth and value into each child born into the human race.  The broken pieces of the human heart are reconciled back to Father through Jesus Christ (again see 2 Corinthian 5:15-20).  Your true value is based on who God made you to be as His son or daughter.  It's not based on what you have done or failed to do.   Believing in Jesus and surrendering your heart to God means you are relying on Christ's completed work of reconciliation.  It does not mean you have to come up with the strength to forgive and reconcile, but rely on the strength God gives you (see Matthew 11:28-29).  You have a choice to rely on the power of God every time you are offended.  Why not do it?

            Some offenses seem more difficult to forgive and reconcile than others.  Examples might be infidelity of a spouse, murder or other crime against a family member , or severe injustice of a tribal nature.   When God's power is invited into the situation, hope is much more free to win over a hopeless cause.   After reconciling with God (receiving his unconditional love), reconciling with fellowman becomes easier.  This is a continual process.  Christ's work is complete, but our work of cooperating must be ongoing. 

            May I encourage you to take the following steps toward deepening a commitment to reconciliation as a more common practice in your life.  First, identify an area of unforgiveness or unreconciled problem you have toward another person.  Next, if forgiveness is not complete, make a list of all the actions that caused offense (hurtful words spoken, mistreatments, negligence, transgressions).  Be as specific as possible.  Pray, confess, repent for any of your own reactive judgments, and forgive. Next, (if you believe you have surrendered your judgments to God), pray and discern strategy to address the offense with the offender.  Go in a spirit of humility and empathy, recognizing the flip side of offense is in your own life as well.  Keep the circle of people who know about the offense as small as is necessary to bring resolution.  Do not engage in slander or gossip to make yourself become  an offender.  After completing the actions you believe are necessary to bring resolution, and there still is no resolution, commit to following the path of asking an advocate to go with you (as outlined in Matthew 18:15-17) if the offender is a brother or sister in Christ.    Otherwise, pursue the matter  with the appropriate systems of justice to bring resolution.   Obviously, in cases of abuse or endangerment, the above steps should be abandoned to seek help immediately, outside the inner circle of the problem. 

            If you believe you've tried the steps outlined above and you still feel "stuck," it is probably time to get the help of a trusted friend or counselor.  Try going back to step one and examine forgiveness.  Be willing to allow God to show you a deeper level of forgiveness.  God is most glorified when we allow him to lead us through this process.  If there are numerous situations in your life that need to be reconciled, start with a small one, work it through to success, and don't become overwhelmed by trying too many, too soon. 

            One more tip is to discern whether the offender needs to be involved at all.  The offense may be small enough for you to simply need to forgive.  If you are 100% sure of what you are letting go, and totally certain the efforts of attempting to engage the other party would outweigh any potential benefits, let it go.  Misunderstandings, errors, and accidents are just part of our broken human condition.  Take the Beatles' advice and "Let It Be!" 

            When it must be, be a reconciler.  A real friend will want to be reconciled.  Be a friend, and  make things friendly again. 

                Note:   In Chapters Seven and Eight of the book Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart, the topic of reconciliation is discussed in more detail.  This book is designed to help people (especially in the Christian faith)  to discover and dislodge things in life that lead to defeat. Don't miss out on your chance to use this book as a helpful tool in discovering Refuge in Christ   More can be discovered by clicking here: http://bluerockbnb.com/healing/book_main.htm
by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

Forgiving to Health

             Is a person's physical and mental health linked to emotional health?   Is it possible that your frequent head aches, joint pain, trouble sleeping or eating, depression, anxiety, or similar symptoms have an unhealthy emotional root connected somewhere to the cause?  The likelyhood is very real, and even more chronic conditions like cancer are often linked to unforgiveness.

            Anger, when turned to bitterness, hatred, resentment or rage, is very destructive to the human body.  Holding grudges, rehearsing retaliatory speeches in your mind, and ruminating (dwelling on negative consequences of hurt and mistreatment) create harmful stress that the human body is not designed to tolerate.  Research has shown the link between harboring negative feelings and a breakdown of mind and body.  This topic is addressed in a recent book called The Forgiveness Project by Michael Barry and is subtitled, the Startling Discovery of How to Overcome Cancer, Find Health, and Achieve Peace.  Here is the back cover description:  "Internalizing anger is destructive to our spiritual health and can destroy families, marriages, and even churches. But what about our physical health? Is there a relationship between a spirit of unforgiveness and disease? Between forgiveness and healing?  After extensive medical, theological, and sociological research at Cancer Treatment Centers of America (CTCA), author and pastor Michael Barry made a startling discovery: the immune system and forgiveness are very much connected. Through the inspiring stories of five cancer patients, Barry helps you identify-and overcome-the barriers that prevent healing and peace. See how a breast cancer patient named Jayne experienced spiritual and physical renewal when she learned to forgive. Meet Rich whose surprise cancer diagnosis led him to forgive his cousin. Be inspired by Sharon's story of spontaneous remission. With each true account comes proven strategies, tested and used by CTCA, that you can implement to find peace with your past, relief from hatefulness, and hope for healing."

            Unforgiveness does not create disease, but it certainly fuels the condition(s) for disease to take hold.  In his book Barry reports Robert Ader, at the University of Rochester Medical Center as saying, "psychological experiences, such as stress and anxiety, can influence immune function, which in turn may have an effect on disease course..  Certain data indicate that factors such as suppressing emotions of anger and hatred (which are the ingredients of unforgiveness) negatively influence a person's susceptibility to disease."   

            Dr. Everett Worthington,, forerunning researcher and author of numerous books on forgiveness, writes, "Chronic unforgiveness causes stress. Every time people think of their transgressor, their body responds. Decreasing your unforgiveness cuts down on your health risk. Now, if you can forgive, that can actually strengthen your immune system."

            So maybe you haven't been diagnosed with cancer.  What about the everyday aches and pains for which many Americans customarily turn to pills for treatment? 

Many visits to medical doctors could be averted if people paid more attentions to their emotional health.   Herb Benson, MD, proves the point when he says, "Sixty to 90 percent of visits to physicians are for conditions related to stress. Harmful effects of stress include anxiety, mild and moderate depression, anger and hostility, hypertension, pain, insomnia, and many other stress-related diseases."

            Because it is widely misunderstood, forgiveness is often overlooked as a major source of stress relief.  In chapter two of my book Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart, I discuss the evidence of people's misunderstanding of forgiveness.  Many people incorrectly assume their decision to forgive has cleared them of the negative effects of the baggage that goes with unforgiveness. 

            Forgiveness does not come from simply saying, "I forgive ... ." It requires a heartfelt change through which the anger and hatred are transformed into feelings of peaceful neutrality and on to genuine love and concern for the offender.  My book mentioned above explains this process from a Christian perspective.  Forgiveness is surrendering to God the ultimate right to judge.  Forgiveness cannot be reduced to methodology solely achieved by following pre-determined step-by-step instructions. It is much more complex and gradually accomplished by practicing new insights and revelation.

            Eva Mozes Kor and her twin sister, Miriam, survived the Holocaust and the Auschwitz concentration camp, Eva was asked,  "What is the thing that is most misunderstood about forgiveness?'  She replied, "Forgiveness has the reputation that the perpetrator has to be sorry. The biggest misconception is that forgiveness is for the perpetrator.  It's strictly a gift of freedom I give myself. It's free! You don't need an HMO. There are no side effects, and it works. It's like a miracle drug.  Instead of changing the world—that's too big of a job—we have to repair it one place at a time...." 

            For those who may get past the first hurdle of misunderstanding, the second hurdle, misdiagnosing the condition of heart, often trips them up.  For most people, hatred is a well-disguised deceptive tumor.  At least in some degree, hatred is alive in every breathing human being.  Although most do not consider themselves "hateful people," hateful elements exist in every human heart.  These elements grow and create cancer-like emotional conditions that often go undetected.  Just as every individual is unique in how they develop and treat bodily cancer, each is unique in how emotional cancer is developed and treated.  Anger will turn to the cancer of hatred if not properly treated.  Hatred is anger saturated with bitterness.  Unrecognized and unacknowledged hatred (confusing or excusing it as mere anger) is a common ailment of the human heart.  Hurt combined with hatred does not heal on its own.  Hurt turned to hatred requires intentional healing balm.  The process of forgiveness is the most effective treatment. 

            One of the most satisfying fruits of forgiveness is better physical and mental health.  Is it worth finding out more about forgiveness and making the necessary changes to practice forgiveness?  Absolutely! Good health has no price tag.  The ancient Proverb says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it" (proverbs 4:23).  Healthy individuals build healthy families, and healthy families can build a healthy society.  Understanding and practicing forgiveness goes a long way to facilitate health. 

            Forgiveness is not a cure nor the complete answer to all life's problems.  It is a door to access the treasures of healing.  For a Christian, that Door is Jesus Christ who accomplishes forgiveness and provides access to the very heart of Father God.  A person's faith surrenders his heart to Almighty power through sonship (including daughtership) for the eternal healing of the soul.

            I hope you are blessed with the healing power of forgiveness today.

                Note:   The book Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart discusses themes of dealing with disappointments, offense and finding freedom in forgiveness.  This book is designed to help people (especially in the Christian faith)  to discover and dislodge things in life that lead to defeat. Don't miss out on your chance to use this book as a helpful tool in discovering Refuge in Christ. It can be purchased by clicking here: http://bluerockbnb.com/healing/book_main.htm . If you get anywhere near Pennsylvania for vacation or on business, be sure to look us up for lodging at  http://bluerockbnb.com 

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

How a Searchlight Helps to Cure Cancer

According to Barna Group survey results published on their web site November 3rd, seventy million Americans "are dealing with unresolved emotional pain or conflict in life." Three out of ten people (30%) perceive their behaviors, dreams, goals, ideals, values, or relationships to be affected by cancerous feelings such as bitterness and resentment.

Dr. Michael Barry published a book earlier this year called The Forgiveness Project. His medical, theological, and sociological research at the Cancer Treatment Centers of America  in Philadelphia, PA finds that 61 percent of cancer patients have struggles with forgiveness of past hurts and wounds, and 34 percent have very severe struggles with things like hatred and revenge. The disease of unforgiveness causes immune deficiency in the body which causes physical health problems including the formation of cancer. Barry's book shares personal stories of patients healed from cancer primarily through their discovery of, and willingness to release, offenses they hadn't fully dealt with from their past. 

If the psychological, physical, and spiritual health problems related to unforgiveness are so obviously apparent, why do so many people remain trapped by their offenses?   The answer to this question is not a simple one and could be tackled from many angles, but I believe looking at the human heart and how it responds to emotional pain is a key. The inability or unwillingness to release offenses is the number one dream-killer of all time.

There are two major categories of fencing (or walls) which result by not properly dealing with offenses. One type of wall is very visible, easily recognized, and distance is maintained whenever possible. The other type of wall is often invisible, hard to recognize, and therefore hinders many activities in life because it pops up at unforeseen moments. The corresponding responses to these types of walls travel in two extreme directions; one is revenge and the other is apathy. Since outward aggression is less socially acceptable, most responses steer away from revenge (at least overtly) and tend toward apathy. This is often a learned pattern in human development from childhood into adulthood. Invisible walls of self-protection develop because repeated failure to find adequate resolution to offenses creates increased distrust of others and increased vulnerability to harm. Negative thoughts form inaccurate beliefs (lies about self and others), which create actions (behaviors), which create habits, which create lifestyle patterns of denying the pain in order to cope. The cycle of offense discussed in my previous blog post shows how this happens in every person alive to some degree at least.

The two types of walls translate into two types of unforgiveness: when your conscious awareness tells you, and when it doesn't. Emotional pain is often minimized or ignored, as explained by the apathetic response described above. The subconscious type of bitterness, hatred, resentment, or blame is much more common and becomes likes a hidden cancer destroying a person. Some of the symptoms that often reveal this are: chronic stress, anxiety, depression, self-condemnation, perpetual conflict, and lack of trust and love for others. In Part Two of my book, Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart, I cover this in much detail.

Failure to deal with offenses, even long forgotten ones, can derail your success in achieving goals and steal your dreams like nothing else. You may not develop cancer cells in your body, but unforgiveness could be eating at your emotions like a cancer that consumes your strength and weakens your ability to be effective in key areas of your life.

True forgiveness is not possible without recognizing, acknowledging, and dealing with root sources of offense. If you are a God-follower, you can take heart in the example of David in Psalms 139. He starts out with verse one saying, "O Lord, you have searched me and you know me." The past tense indicates a relationship and "walk" of habitual transparency of his inner person. The Psalm continues with an intimate description of God's creative ability in forming each individual person with unique traits purposes for being. The last two verses come back to the soul searching theme with David requesting,

"Search me, O God, and know my heart;
   test me and know my anxious thoughts.
 See if there is any offensive way in me,
   and lead me in the way everlasting."  (Psalm 139:23-24)

This indicates intentionality on David's part for God to expose his "anxious thoughts" and "offensive way." In this manner he permits God to deal with the heart of the matter and remove any fences (walls) that his offense had erected. Whether the offense is intentional or unintentional (sin of comission or omission), the crippling, deafening, blinding, and imprisoning effects are the same.

God has a searchlight bright enough to pinpoint your problem "cancer" cells. The "treatment" may not seem pleasant, but healing comes through no other means. Yielding to His love and mercy reaps eternal rewards. The way to break free is to surrender to God the rights of final judgment of the matter that offended you. The mystery of forgiveness frees you from the grasp of either extreme; revenge or apathy. Then you can beat the disease and be on your way to success and significance!

            Note:  The book Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart discusses themes of dealing with offense and finding freedom in forgiveness.  I pray that you will find this book a helpful tool in discovering Refuge in Christ.  http://bluerockbnb.com/healing/book_main.htm

         

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry