Big Debt Forgiven

            One of the most life-changing stories in the Bible is found in the 18th chapter of the Gospel according to Matthew.  May I encourage you to take a few moments to read Matthew 18:21-35 before you read the rest of this article (click here: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matt+18%3A21-35&version=NIV). 

            Jesus told a story in the context of answering a question from his disciple Peter asking,  "how much debt (sin, offense, wrongdoing, fault, transgression, crime) should a person forgive?"  The story was told in a time when people were put in prison for financial debt owed.  An analogy is made between financial debt and the "debt" of peoples' offenses,  and reactions to offenses, in the broken world in which we live. 

            The story has two main characters; Big Debt and Small Debt.  Big Debt is a transgression so large it could never be repaid in a lifetime of service to pay restitution to the person offended.  Small Debt is an offense which creates problems and annoyance, but can be recovered with corrective action.  Big Debt is not humanly possible to restore.  Small Debt may go away with some human effort. 

            The story begins with Big Debt begging for mercy because of his huge debt.  The Master grants mercy and releases Big Debt from prison (forgives) everything he owed.  But somewhere along the line, Big Debt forgets just how big his debt was, and he cannot forgive Small Debt for a relatively tiny frustration to Big Debt. Small Debt wants to make amends, but Big Debt is so enraged he insists on imprisonment (lack of forgiveness) for Small Debt.  When the Master calls Big Debt to account for his inconsistency, he places him back in prison, in worse condition than he was originally.  

            The story ends by Jesus saying,  “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to.  Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’  In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart” (Matthew 18:323-35).  Being unwilling to forgive never has a happy ending.

            The real message Jesus intended to reveal in this story is found in the last sentence.  Forgiveness must be from the heart and not just a decision of the mind. 

I write about forgiving from the heart in another article: (see http://authoredhersh.blogspot.com/2014/01/forgiveness.html). 

But the first word ("this") in the sentence  points back to the previous sentence.  The Master handed Big Debt "over to the jailers to be tortured."  Rejecting forgiveness comes at a great price.  Let's look now at the consequences of failing to recognize our "Big Debt" condition. 

            Big Debt became so pre-occupied with the small debt that was owed him, that he was not able to remain grateful for the big debt he was forgiven.  The self-serving human condition makes us all guilty of Big Debt's trespass.  Most of us reading the Matthew 18 story identify first with  Small Debt.  Thinking of people who have offended us is easier than thinking of people we have offended.  Thinking of a person who "owes" you an apology usually comes quicker than thinking of a person you "owe" an apology.  Thinking of how other people have failed you, takes your mind off how much you have failed God and other people. 

            Each of us is the Big Debt person.  Sometimes we may be the Small Debt person as well.  Our debt to God (offense we inherited from the original sin of man) is too great to even think about paying back.  God the Father designed mankind to live a debt-free existence, but Adam and Eve's choice to rebel against God's authority created a debt (offense) for which every person in the human race became responsible.  God knew this debt is way too big  for mankind's ability to re-pay, so He made a way for a person's big debt to be forgiven.  Jesus says, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" (John 14:6).  Believing in Jesus as the only Way for our Big Debt offenses to be forgiven.  One of the ways we demonstrate how much we really believe this is by forgiving Small Debt (our offenders' debt) when they offend us. 

            After Big Debt refused to forgive Small Debt (in the story Jesus told), the Master threw Big Debt back in prison.  Refusing to honor the Gift of forgiveness Jesus gave us, by not forgiving those who trespass  against us, locks us in a condition of confinement.  Our minds and hearts condemn us to "prison."  This happens when we do things like focus on the hurts we sustain from others short-comings, hold anger, nurse grudges, harbor bitterness, entertain resentment, consider retaliation, and obsess on revenge.   Dishonoring, condemning, judgmental, and slandering behavior puts your mind deeper in prison.  The lack of peace in your heart festers and torments you into deeper and deeper bitterness, resentment, and blame.  Forgiveness is the only way out of this prison. 

            Small Debt wanted to pay back the debt he owed, but he understood there was no way he could currently pay it back.  He didn't even ask for the debt to be wiped out, but only asked for more time to pay it.  But Big Debt wrongfully judged Small Debt as unwilling or unworthy to pay back the debt owed.  When we are unwilling to forgive, we offend God by not aligning with the value He places on forgiveness.  We de-value Christ's work to accomplish the forgiveness of our personal debt (offenses both inherited and non-inherited).  This offends God, our Master, and commits us to the prison for torture. 

            Are you feeling unhappy, discontent, discouragement, or a lack of peace or joy?  This story is something you should consider.  Because offense is not something we like to think about, these debts of unforgiveness often fester for a long time.  Perhaps stress, trauma, or an unexpected event triggers a reaction that surprises you.  Mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, and addictions often have some sort of unresolved root of unforgiveness lingering as a source of torment.  These are often symptoms of an imprisoned mind and a tormented spirit.  Understanding and practicing forgiveness may not be the solution to all your problems, but setting your mind and spirit free could be the hurdle you need to overcome to find the real answers to problems with which you're been wrestling.

            This story is as real today as it was when it was recorded about 2,000 years ago.  It's up to you to apply it to your own life.  May I encourage you to get your debt forgiven so you can enjoy life as God meant for life to be lived;  debt-free! 

Note:   A book I authored Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart discusses truth for dealing with disappointments, offense and finding freedom through forgiveness (from a Christian perspective).  See more about the book by clicking here: http://bluerockbnb.com/healing/book_main.htm . 
by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

Stress Relief for Helpers

            Does it feel like helping others is sometimes hurting you more?  Are you taking deliberate steps to manage stress in your life? 

            Everyone experiences stress. Even good events like weddings, births, and graduations create stressful conditions.  Prolonged negative stress creates changes in your brain which steal your ability to think clearly and wear down your bodily functions.  Researchers have shown that upwards of 80% of doctor visits are somehow stress related.  The negative physical effects of stress will always lead to burnout if unattended to.  Health care workers, pastors, missionaries, first responders, and other leaders must give themselves permission to rest or their ability to care for others will disappear.  As my former professor Eric Scalise says, "If you're always last, you won't always last."

            People in the helping professions must pay special attention to stress because not only do they have to manage their own personal lives, the people they are trying to help often bring tough circumstances and great expectations for miracle solutions.  Helpers feel responsible to help people become successful.  When people do not live up to the helpers expectations, the helper can take it personally and carries too much of the responsibility.  Failed expectation is the primary cause of stress.  Not only do helpers have great expectations for themselves, but those being helped often have unrealistic expectations for helpers.  Leaders are not allowed to fail, right?  Perfection is often the measure of success for the person in charge.  Not only that, but if there are ten followers, there are likely at least ten views of perfection to live up to.  You can't please everyone and you can't let other peoples' expectations define yours.  Some may have legitimate expectations, but the composite effect of everyone is often impossible to meet. 

            For Christian leaders I recommend a book by Paul Cox entitled, Sacrifice the Leader: How to Cope When Others Shift Their Burdens onto You.  He helps you understand how to avoid situations, for example, when someone opens up to you about his or her burden and pain, and suddenly you find yourself distanced, ridiculed, or even blamed for issues for which you are not responsible.  Dr. Cox shares about inter-personal dynamics, listening skills, and steps a leader can take to avoid becoming the scapegoat for someone else's baggage.

            This winter is gripping many parts of our nation with record cold temperatures and more than average snowfall.  The other day I stared out my window gazing at the white back yard.  I could only imagine the green grass and luscious plants in the garden just 5 months ago.  For crops to grow here in the northeast, all four seasons are necessary to fulfill the growing cycle.  I was reminded that winter, for example, even with the cold and longer nights, serves a needed function of giving the soil rest and dormancy.  Each year winter anticipates summer and summer anticipates winter.  Seasons come and seasons go. 

            Human life also happens in seasons.  Sometimes it's difficult to discern the transitions between when a new season is coming and an older season is going.  The age old truth governs life, "What you sow is what you reap."  Good seed must be sown in good soil to have any chance of reaping a good harvest.  A season of harvest must be preceded by a season of preparation.  Most of us have no problem accepting that truth.  But another truth follows.  The harvest season is followed by a season of rest.  Most of us agree rest is a good thing, but how well do we practice it?  Our performance driven culture wants us to tolerate higher and higher levels of stress.  Those we're trying to help need examples of how to buck this trend. They need rested helpers.  They need helpers who will last more than one season of production.  Seasons of rest are needed between seasons of production.  Maybe it's time to consider what is keeping you from getting the rest you need.  

            There are two types of stress every care-giver deals with.  There is the stress of the service/ ministry, and then there is the stress you bring into the ministry.  Compassion fatigue is a term sometimes given to helpers who become weary in the service they perform.  But this stress is only compounded when the helper fails to recognize the stress of their personal lives they are bringing into their situations.  Who we are as a person cannot be separated from what we do and how we perform.  Most of us could benefit by looking inside to see what kinds of stress we are bringing into our circumstances. 

            In a webinar presented by the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC) on January 14th, Dr. Eric Scalise shares six signs of being over-stressed. 

1. A preoccupation with stressed out people - If you tend to always gravitate to busy, extremely-hard-working, or other stress-accommodating type people, it is easier to remain blinded to your own stress.

2. Over indulge in "escape behaviors" -  Escape behaviors (addictions or things you over indulge in for satisfaction and comfort) can become a problem for you as a helper in the same way it is a problem for those you are trying to help.

3. Avoid intimacy and seek fantasy over reality - If you discover distance developing between you and those you love most, and need more fantasy/ entertainment to maintain your sanity, perhaps this says more about you than the other you are in relationship with.

4. Control everything and everyone in order to survive - Desire for control may indicate unhealthy fear-based reactions to people and circumstances.  Turning into a "control freak" only narrows and shrinks possibilities rather than expanding or enhancing them.  Protecting your need to be needed indicates misplaced identity in your role.

5. Justify actions by blaming others - Blaming may be a way of covering your own disappointment with failed expectations of yourself. 

6. Choose to leave or quit ministry - This may indicate a "flight" response which is rooted in something hidden and not yet discovered about how you can change as a person.

            Space does not permit me to unpack these more, but if some apply to you, you are likely bringing stress into your helping role.  Perhaps it is time to consider what should be done to reduce the stress.  In the next blog post I will share some ideas how to maneuver out of a season of stress and into a new season.

            Note:   The book Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart discusses themes of dealing with disappointments, offense and finding freedom in forgiveness.  This book is designed to help people (especially in the Christian faith)  to discover and dislodge things in life that lead to defeat. Don't miss out on your chance to use this book as a helpful tool in discovering Refuge in Christ. It can be purchased by clicking here: http://bluerockbnb.com/healing/book_main.htm . If you get anywhere near Pennsylvania for vacation or on business, be sure to look us up for lodging at  http://bluerockbnb.com 

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry