Refuge

Salvation ... comes from the Lord ... because they take refuge in him. (Psalm 37:39-40)
Showing posts with label distress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label distress. Show all posts

Sunday, June 7, 2020

In the Grip of Fear


As long as there is breath in our bodies, each of us has a vulnerability to fear that doesn’t ever completely disappear.  We must face it to defeat it.  To conquer fear, we must understand the many different ways it disguises itself in its efforts to steer us away from overcoming faith.  Faith overcomes fear through courage, and courage is strengthened through exposure of fear’s masks.  I commend the reader’s courage to read on.    
Fear lurks in concerns, uncertainty, doubt, precariousness, instability, insecurity, imbalance, unpredictability, undependability, unreliability, unfairness, disorder, disarray, distress, and confusion to name some of the hiding places.  At this writing, almost 3 months into a global Wuhan China virus pandemic, the meaning of “uncertain future” has been taken to a new level for most of us.   
There is a good kind of fear that can serve as a warning for danger.  An example may be hearing a rattle while walking in the woods.  The warning of rattles on a rattle snake can help steer a person  clear of being harmed by the poison of a snake’s bite.  But fear can turn into its own kind of poison if concern is unwarranted, too much change comes our direction in a short period of time, or a crisis threatens our safety and security.  Fear is sometimes a natural response in wrestling with life’s realities.  However, if much time passes without a return to some sort of “normal,” a toxic form of stress weighs a person into anxiety or other unpleasant emotional conditions.  
When I post articles in sequence, I usually post the most recent building on the previous article.  In this case it is backwards.  The previous article called A PILL for the Virus targets how to overcome fear.  But I think I mistakenly assumed people recognize fear and want to get rid of it.  Sometimes it’s hard to see fear’s affects in our lives, and sometimes we don’t think it’s bad enough to hold us in it’s grip.  We must first train ourselves to identity fear before we can deal with it effectively.  Fear is a nasty virus.  The first step for a person to loosen its grip is to recognize what it looks like in daily life.  Asking ourselves some hard questions may be the best way to identify some roots of fear.
Are we thriving?  God created human beings to thrive, not just survive.  Have we merely adapted to a “new normal,” by creating new bad habits?  Or, are we holding firmly to values of faith, family, and friendship no matter what circumstances present us?  Whatever we do that is not done with intentional faith, is subject to a fear motivation.   
Are we believing lies?  God is the source of absolute truth.  Truth dispels fear, but fear is always attached to a lie.  In the case of this current pandemic, has the truth come out about the true origins, nature of spreading, accuracy of testing, methods of transmission, types of treatment, legitimacy of reporting, etc.?  Are we believing inaccurate science, untrustworthy government officials, propagandist so-called news reporting, opportunist financial analysts, ignorant celebrities, or simply anyone who thinks the way we think already?  
Are we over-reacting?  Everything that happens is within the sight,and timing, of God.  There is also nothing “bad” that happens, that he can’t turn into good (Romans 8:28).  If we are a follower of Christ, the very worst thing that could happen to us is that we die and go to heaven.  My readers may have a different opinion, but I don’t consider that a bad deal!  Although fear of death is real for some, the numbers of deaths in the current virus pandemic are smaller in magnitude to other similar pandemics in past times.  For persons with a healthy immune system, the chances of death are almost nothing.  In addition, because of the negative attention given to health care facilities, people with non-virus related conditions are not seeking proper medical help (or being refused in some cases), and dying from conditions they would have otherwise been successfully treated for (eg. heart attacks, strokes, mental health concerns).  Overreacting with fear of exposure to a “potential” virus is causing deaths.   Not to mention the economy and how businesses have needlessly been destroyed because of overreactions to the threat of spreading a virus.  
At this point let me say that I am not advocating removal of legitimate precautions especially for at risk groups like healthcare workers and first responders.    But in my opinion fear reactions by the general public have made conditions far worse than they need to be.  The term “self government” is not familiar to as many people these days, but it holds the key to America’s survival as a nation.  People cannot be forced to act responsibly and in good character.  Virtuous living cannot be legislated into existence.  One of our founding fathers Benjamin Franklin, in 1787 when asked what kind of government was created, answered, “A Republic ….  if you can keep it.”  The virtue practiced (or not practiced)  by individuals, makes or breaks the United States of America.  This is explained well in a book by Eric MeTaxas called “If You Can Keep It: The Forgotten Promise of American Liberty.”   Fear is one of the greatest enemies of the principles and practice of the liberties we enjoy as Americans.  
Are we motivated by fear of loss?  God, our creator, created us to be creative.  Each person has a God-given purpose and meaning in life.  Our greatest satisfaction is felt when we are most in alignment with expressions of this purpose.  We are naturally motivated to try to make the most of any opportunity to advance this purpose.  The loss of missed opportunities are something we want to avoid, so we sometimes settle for the good instead of the best.  We go for the counterfeit and forfeit the real thing.  We grab the temporary, and lose sight of the lasting satisfaction.  Anything we are addicted to (feel like we can’t live without) fits in this category (eg. drugs, porn, busyness, nonmarital intimate relationship, phone, other technology).  Fear is the motivator behind the thinking that, “If I don’t have this _______ (fill in blank with person, activity, or thing), then I’ll be missing out on life.”    
TV advertisers have exploited our fear of loss for years with “Buy this product or service so you don’t miss out.”  Authoritarian style leaders promise, “Give us your acceptance of this inconvenience or restriction, and we’ll provide you with safety.”  Fear of loss of security is what motivates people to give up their God-given rights and freedoms.   
In recent months the assault of fear has shown itself in many other ways too numerous to mention here.  Fear has made everyone suffer (needlessly) for the misdeeds of a few.  Fear has people dwelling on the negative (pessimism), and not seeing the positive (optimism).  Fear has people drawing away from each other (physical presence) at a time (in crisis) when human connection is needed most (for endurance to persevere to make it through).  Especially those being stricken with the Covid-19 virus,  isolating them completely from their families is extremely short-sighted.  Fear creates and aggravates deeper mental health problems.  
Fear is creating havoc in our community, but its roots grow in each individual’s heart.  I pose some additional questions here for each person to ask.  
How/ where is fear operating in my life?
How/ where has fear become a negative influence in my thinking and actions in a crisis?
In what ways am I thinking differently (than pre-crisis)?  
From whom or where did I get information that made me think this way?  
How have my beliefs changed?  
What am I saying differently?  
From whom or where did I/ we acquire the new phrases I/ we am/ are hearing and repeating?
(eg. “flattening the curve,” “social distancing,” “new normal,” “public safety,” “essential services,” “non-essential workers”)
What things am I doing differently?
From whom or where did I pick up these actions and behaviors?  
What important values or aspirations have I given up on (as a result of all this)?
Have I/ we been suckered into accepting a dumbed-down existence for no real reason?
   How did I/ we let it happen?  
What could have I/ we done differently, and how do I/ we now make adjustments/ amends?
Am I/ Are we willing to refrain from complaining, justifying, and blaming
(and take responsibility for our contribution)?  
What have I/ we lost? What has been stolen/ destroyed?    
   How does that make me feel?   
   How have these thoughts and feelings turned into decisions, opinions, and condemning judgments?   
   Am I holding bitterness, resentment, or blame that I need to relinquish?
Am I/ Are we still is so much denial that these questions don’t make sense enough to stir thinking?     
If it seems like I may have more questions than answers, I guess that’s true.  Hopefully these question can spur some rational thinking.  Fear traffickers do not want people thinking for themselves.  Irrational fear has destructive results.  Fear-focused people are doomed to destructive outcomes.  Rational thinking focuses on solutions, not the problem.  Perhaps now the reader is better prepared to read my previous article for a P-I-L-L (solution) for this virus of fear.  (See article at: http://authoredhersh.blogspot.com/2020/05/a-pill-for-virus.html ,  OR see video at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Px1tt5rjdM )
My hope for each reader is to escape the grip of fear as much as possible. This is our only hope for keeping the liberties we value as Americans.  

by Ed Hersh, BnB Healing Ministry

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Stress Relief for Helpers


            Does it feel like helping others is sometimes hurting you more?  Are you taking deliberate steps to manage stress in your life? 
            Everyone experiences stress. Even good events like weddings, births, and graduations create stressful conditions.  Prolonged negative stress creates changes in your brain which steal your ability to think clearly and wear down your bodily functions.  Researchers have shown that upwards of 80% of doctor visits are somehow stress related.  The negative physical effects of stress will always lead to burnout if unattended to.  Health care workers, pastors, missionaries, first responders, and other leaders must give themselves permission to rest or their ability to care for others will disappear.  As my former professor Eric Scalise says, "If you're always last, you won't always last."
            People in the helping professions must pay special attention to stress because not only do they have to manage their own personal lives, the people they are trying to help often bring tough circumstances and great expectations for miracle solutions.  Helpers feel responsible to help people become successful.  When people do not live up to the helpers expectations, the helper can take it personally and carries too much of the responsibility.  Failed expectation is the primary cause of stress.  Not only do helpers have great expectations for themselves, but those being helped often have unrealistic expectations for helpers.  Leaders are not allowed to fail, right?  Perfection is often the measure of success for the person in charge.  Not only that, but if there are ten followers, there are likely at least ten views of perfection to live up to.  You can't please everyone and you can't let other peoples' expectations define yours.  Some may have legitimate expectations, but the composite effect of everyone is often impossible to meet. 
            For Christian leaders I recommend a book by Paul Cox entitled, Sacrifice the Leader: How to Cope When Others Shift Their Burdens onto You.  He helps you understand how to avoid situations, for example, when someone opens up to you about his or her burden and pain, and suddenly you find yourself distanced, ridiculed, or even blamed for issues for which you are not responsible.  Dr. Cox shares about inter-personal dynamics, listening skills, and steps a leader can take to avoid becoming the scapegoat for someone else's baggage.
            This winter is gripping many parts of our nation with record cold temperatures and more than average snowfall.  The other day I stared out my window gazing at the white back yard.  I could only imagine the green grass and luscious plants in the garden just 5 months ago.  For crops to grow here in the northeast, all four seasons are necessary to fulfill the growing cycle.  I was reminded that winter, for example, even with the cold and longer nights, serves a needed function of giving the soil rest and dormancy.  Each year winter anticipates summer and summer anticipates winter.  Seasons come and seasons go. 
            Human life also happens in seasons.  Sometimes it's difficult to discern the transitions between when a new season is coming and an older season is going.  The age old truth governs life, "What you sow is what you reap."  Good seed must be sown in good soil to have any chance of reaping a good harvest.  A season of harvest must be preceded by a season of preparation.  Most of us have no problem accepting that truth.  But another truth follows.  The harvest season is followed by a season of rest.  Most of us agree rest is a good thing, but how well do we practice it?  Our performance driven culture wants us to tolerate higher and higher levels of stress.  Those we're trying to help need examples of how to buck this trend. They need rested helpers.  They need helpers who will last more than one season of production.  Seasons of rest are needed between seasons of production.  Maybe it's time to consider what is keeping you from getting the rest you need.  
            There are two types of stress every care-giver deals with.  There is the stress of the service/ ministry, and then there is the stress you bring into the ministry.  Compassion fatigue is a term sometimes given to helpers who become weary in the service they perform.  But this stress is only compounded when the helper fails to recognize the stress of their personal lives they are bringing into their situations.  Who we are as a person cannot be separated from what we do and how we perform.  Most of us could benefit by looking inside to see what kinds of stress we are bringing into our circumstances. 
            In a webinar presented by the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC) on January 14th, Dr. Eric Scalise shares six signs of being over-stressed. 
1. A preoccupation with stressed out people - If you tend to always gravitate to busy, extremely-hard-working, or other stress-accommodating type people, it is easier to remain blinded to your own stress.
2. Over indulge in "escape behaviors" -  Escape behaviors (addictions or things you over indulge in for satisfaction and comfort) can become a problem for you as a helper in the same way it is a problem for those you are trying to help.
3. Avoid intimacy and seek fantasy over reality - If you discover distance developing between you and those you love most, and need more fantasy/ entertainment to maintain your sanity, perhaps this says more about you than the other you are in relationship with.
4. Control everything and everyone in order to survive - Desire for control may indicate unhealthy fear-based reactions to people and circumstances.  Turning into a "control freak" only narrows and shrinks possibilities rather than expanding or enhancing them.  Protecting your need to be needed indicates misplaced identity in your role.
5. Justify actions by blaming others - Blaming may be a way of covering your own disappointment with failed expectations of yourself. 
6. Choose to leave or quit ministry - This may indicate a "flight" response which is rooted in something hidden and not yet discovered about how you can change as a person.
            Space does not permit me to unpack these more, but if some apply to you, you are likely bringing stress into your helping role.  Perhaps it is time to consider what should be done to reduce the stress.  In the next blog post I will share some ideas how to maneuver out of a season of stress and into a new season.

            Note:   The book Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart discusses themes of dealing with disappointments, offense and finding freedom in forgiveness.  This book is designed to help people (especially in the Christian faith)  to discover and dislodge things in life that lead to defeat. Don't miss out on your chance to use this book as a helpful tool in discovering Refuge in Christ. It can be purchased by clicking here: http://bluerockbnb.com/healing/book_main.htm . If you get anywhere near Pennsylvania for vacation or on business, be sure to look us up for lodging at  http://bluerockbnb.com 
by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry