Healing Prayer Basics

When life hurts, where do we turn?  To whom do we look to for healing?  Healing prayer is turning our attention to God, and through communication with him, changing our perspective on the past, and gaining new hope for the journey ahead.

            I describe here, a few important considerations.

First, to receive healing from God, cognitive insight is not enough.  Although the part of the human being we can see (physical) is most obvious, the unseen part (non-physical or inner being) is more dominent, thus very real.  The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk explains in simple language how our emotional brain limits our rational brain.  Exploring our deepest feelings, desires, and core beliefs about our world must be part of the healing process.  

Next, our heart is broken because our world is broken.  Since the first human sinned, the Bible explains how we each fall short of the original design God has for our lives.  As we grow from childhood into adulthood, our hurts and wounds magnify our pain.  The broken things in our past create more brokenness and sometimes the real source of pain becomes hard to uncover.  

Also, we must acknowledge there are no exceptions.  We all need healing to become a whole person.  In the physical world, every child gets, at the very least, banged knees, splinters, or broken skin that is vulnerable to infection and disease.   If time passes before the wound is discovered by a caretaker, it may have to be reopened and cleaned out for it to heal properly.  Though emotional hurts and wounds may not be visible, they are real, and the passing of time makes them worse.  Insensitivities, neglects, mistreatments, rejection, losses, and shame (self inflicted or by others) does not go away on its own.  It requires a process to dislodge, and remain free of set-backs.   

For some, pain may be caused by trauma, violence, gross injustice, abuse, or severe neglect.  But common to us all are hurts caused by things like illnesses, injuries, broken relationships, family breakups, bullying, slandering, lying, stealing. immorality, and accidents.  If a painful experience hasn’t come to your mind in reading so far, try this little exercise.  Pretend that your life is over, and by  God’s grace, you are enjoying your new life in eternal glory.  Jesus comes to you, and asks you to volunteer to go back to earth in your former body, family, economic status, and the same earthly circumstances as your life was before, with one exception.  You are allowed to make one change.  What would that change be?  Whatever you wish could be changed about your life circumstances likely carries some disappointment, frustration, annoyance, discomfort, unrest, or dissatisfaction.  These symptoms create a tremendous amount of toxic stress (infection of the soul) smf negatively impact your work, relationships, self-concept, and life’s meaning and destiny.    

To become completely free of the unwanted stresses, let us consider a few more basic principles of healing prayer.   In order to discover the root cause of hurt, we must allow ourselves to “feel” the hurt long enough to identify specific feelings and emotions associated.  These feelings and emotions are always driven by specific beliefs developed and reinforced by circumstances over time.  Perceptions are created, conclusions are drawn, opinions are formed, and critical judgments are made about how life works, and should work.  The older we become the more our present core beliefs are so buried in our subconscious that we can’t even remember how and where they came to be.  Another factor on our ability to remember is the intensity to which the hurt or wound was inflicted.    Greater degrees of abuse, for example, tend to carry greater degrees of denial or dissociation,  Denial is a useful self-protection coping strategy for a time, but becomes a huge burden as time goes on.   So, naming our present feelings and naming our accompanying beliefs, are first steps in the process.  

Beliefs are powerful.  Every behavior and action we take has a belief behind it.  If we believe we are competent and capable, we will step out in confidence and display self-assurance in our work, play, and relationships.  If we believe the opposite about ourselves, we will be trapped by self-doubt, self-condemnation, and self-rejection.   An example that demonstrates this principle involves the circus elephant.  In former days, the training of  an elephant began early in the elephant’s life.   The only environment the small elephant knew was a chain that kept him in the location the trainer chose for him.  The elephant grew into adulthood believing he was limited by the confines of the chain.  When the chain is removed for circus tricks he remains with the trainer because he knows nothing else.  Freedom (escape)  does not even occur to him.  In general, animals are trained through repetition, and the natural inclinations of humans are the same.  We gravitate to the familiar, even if the familiar is harmful or not in our best interest.  A victimized person will subconsciously seek to be victimized because their beliefs confirm to them a lack of worthfulness and value.  Even depression and anxiety can be reinforced by believing life only offers despondent or scary circumstances.  

Not only do our beliefs trap us, but they are guaranteed to be telling us lies.  Our default tendency (from conception onward) is to perceive and interpret unpleasant surroundings in a negative way.  This sets us up to believe things that are not true about God, ourselves, and other people.  As children we are especially vulnerable to lies taking root in our thinking.   For example, a five year old girl who overhears her daddy say to his friend about her, “We wished she would have been a boy,” can set her up for huge ramifications.   I’ve heard numerous cases where seemingly harmless words or actions by a caretaker result in wounding.   Generally speaking, children often tend to blame themselves for bad things that happen.   The little girl’s inner voice may hear her daddy’s words as, “I should have been a boy,” or “I’m really not loved because I’m not a boy, “I need to try to become a boy to be loved,” or “I’m not lovable,” or “I am a mistake,” or all sorts of other lies.  Parents’ divorces usually result in children blaming themselves for the breakup.  Injury or illness to siblings can create false guilt and self-condemnation.  False beliefs tend to create more false beliefs so circumstances in adulthood are merely replays of childhood woundings.  This negative bent in our personhood is part of the broken condition of humanity since sin and shame entered our world.  Shame is at the root of all false beliefs.  To explore more details on how and why shame is at the root of our core identity, read Dr. Curt Thompson’s book The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe about ourselves.

The solution for false beliefs is true beliefs.  As noted above, our physical brain and mind is not the only part of us to be convinced of the truth.  Our heart (inner being) must come to an understanding of truth that secures, preserves, and advances our whole being.  

Jesus said of himself that HE is the way, the truth, and the life (see John 14:6).  Jesus is the Healer.  We cannot know Father God except through Jesus His Son (see John 14:6-7).  God as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit work together to provide healing for our innate broken condition.  Healing prayer is an avenue by which we can allow the Holy Spirit to reveal hidden things in the broken parts of our subconscious, so they can be brought into light and take away  the opportunity for shame to continue to condemn us.  We exchange lies for truth.  We exchange condemning judgments for empathy.  We exchange despair for hope.  Disappointment and dissatisfaction can turn to contentment and fulfillment.  

Healing prayer can be hard work.  Not that prayer should be difficult, but being honest with ourselves and with God long enough to receive the truth God has for us, is the “work” that makes for, the sometimes difficult, steps in our journey.  Facing the pain in our experiences, confessing the error in our reactions, repenting, and surrendering to God’s solution, is viewed by most as too hard or scary to try.  But I encourage all who read this to decide to be one of the few.  I’m here to say the rewards are worth it.   God is our Refuge and strength (Psalm 46).   Holding on to old hurts and wounds becomes far more painful than receiving healing from Refuge.    

My next article will discuss more specifics of how to practice healing prayer.  

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

How to Rest from Stress

            What you don't know about stress, CAN hurt you, right? Absolutely.  But what if I tell you that a bigger problem may be what you ALREADY believe about stress. There are many myths about stress.  Here are four essential things to practice and understand about stress.

First:  Stress is meant to be our friend.

            Stress in its truest form, is a physical response to avoid harm.  Rapid breathing and increased heart rate, for example, help prepare the body to respond to a threat.  Stress protects by initiating a fight or flight response to danger.  Stress is what kicks in when you encounter a big bad wolf on the way to grandmother's house.  Stress is what causes you to react to a careless driver by stepping back up on a curb to avoid getting run over in the city. 

            Stress-free living does not exist.  We must re-think stress, not as a burden, but something to be mastered for our success.   Toxic stress occurs when our imagination is more active than is warranted by the reality of an event.  For example, fear of failure will rob us from stepping out in new areas if we allow our mind to dwell on all the possibilities of things going wrong rather than enjoying the creativity and innovation of the moment.

            Toxic stress kills many people, but living toxic-stress-free, CAN be possible.

Second:  Resolving unwanted stress must focus on the inner person instead of externals. 

            Unwanted stress is not caused by circumstances, but by our response to the events and  people associated.  I first encountered this truth through a book called The Stress Myth by Richard Ecker. The back cover of the book reads, "Problems add up and the pressures of life get you down. This complex, uncertain, fast-paced world inevitably takes its toll. Right? Wrong.  This myth about stress, according to Richard Ecker, is as incorrect as it is widespread. The battles of life do not have to make us casualties. Many experts mistakenly emphasize coping with stress. But prevention, says Ecker, is the key. It begins with an accurate view of God, ourselves and the world around us. Ecker also helps us understand how unwanted stress affects us at home and at work, giving sound counsel on how to have peace during trying times." 

             More recently I discovered an e-book by Ecker called The Emotional Survival Training Manual in which he describes more about the true meaning of stress, and why stress should not be looked upon as an unnecessary or even undesirable response.  Ecker says, ”We may not encounter big, bad wolves on our way to see grandma these days, but the highways we drive to get to grandma’s house offer equal risk of physical harm— careless drivers, poor visibility, mechanical failures— all of which create conditions which we will be better able to deal with when we are under stress. But, if stress is such a necessary human reaction, how can anyone have any hope of avoiding all of those unpleasant and health- threatening consequences that we have come to associate with the experience of stress? The fact is, none of those unpleasant consequences have to occur at all— even when stress levels in the body are very high. The unpleasantness of stress occurs only when the body has no need for it and no physical outlet for it. Stress becomes a problem  only when you require your body to produce more stress than it needs to satisfy its immediate physical demands. For example, if you did encounter a big, bad wolf on the way to grandma’s house, you would probably experience a substantial stress response. It would be needed to equip your body to deal with the situation— that is, to prepare you for fight or flight. Both of these options require immediate and intense physical effort. A high level of stress is always required to prepare your body for that kind of effort. But, let’s say that your situation is much less life— threatening; perhaps a bitter disappointment in your work, to which you have reacted with anger and frustration. If your reaction in this situation produces as large a stress response as the one produced in reaction to the wolf, most of that stress will be unnecessary to equip your body to deal with it— simply because your body does not need physical preparation to deal with non-physical demands. So, if your circumstances do not call for a physical response, then stress is always an inappropriate reaction. And, any stress that your body is required to produce above and beyond the amount needed to prepare it for an appropriate physical response will be what we can call “excess stress.” Excess stress is what people find unpleasant. Excess stress is what can be harmful to their health."

Third:  All unwanted stress is related to a self-image problem at the core.

            Toxic stress (unwanted, or excess stress as Ecker calls it)( is produced by the same mechanism in our bodies as good stress produces to combat a threat to physical security. The perceptions that cause our bodies to produce excess stress arise from threats to our emotional security— more specifically, threats to our image of self.

            Our personality and emotional makeup is shaped by our background (the sum total of all experiences up to the present moment in time).  Ecker says, "Fueled by prior experiences, our personalities help us interpret life events so that we can undertake an appropriate response. If our personalities are abundant with resources, few of these interpretations will credit events with having any influence on our identity, and we will not then view them as emotionally threatening. But, if our personalities are abundant with conditions, many of the life events we experience will be interpreted as having a negative influence on our concept of self— and will be considered emotionally threatening for that reason."  The conditions Ecker speaks of are created by our core beliefs and value systems.   When we perceive the reality of a situation to be different from what we value, our self-worth inevitably comes into question.  Sometimes it takes a great amount of effort to discover our faulty belief systems, and separate our identity and worthfulness as a person from our performance on a task, social skill, or failure to measure up to some standard or so-called normal.   But, the more comfortable we can become with who we are asa person, and even more, who God created us to be as a person, the greater the degree of resolution  t unwanted stress we will experience.

Fourth:   Ridding your life of unwanted stress begins with a choice.

            Morton C. Orman, MD has authored a book called The 14 Day Stress Cure.  In  an article I found online, he addresses 5 most common myths about stress.  Orman says, "The most damaging belief we have today is that the best way to deal with our stress is to manage it. While stress management experts are quick to point out the positive benefits of exercise, meditation, and relaxation techniques, few will inform you of the negative side to these same coping strategies.  ... But the biggest drawback to managing stress is that it only deals with the symptoms of our problems. It rarely helps us to clarify or deal with the underlying causes of our difficulties. This means that managing stress--even when we do it well--CAN CAUSE MANY OF OUR PROBLEMS TO PERSIST OR EVEN GET WORSE! Since we never correct the root causes of our problems, they will continue to occur, over and over again."   

            I'm certainly not advocating that you  abandon all coping strategies you have discovered to de-clutter, de-stress, and simplify your life.  Techniques to improve time management, communication skills to enhance relationships, and other self-help strategies can add value to your life.  But, human doing can never be enough to satisfy human being.   You are a human being, and you must decide to focus on inner person change as the core solution to lifting the heavy burden of unpleasant stress.  The person you were created to be is awaiting the freedom inspired by self-acceptance, self-confidence, and a value-filled self-concept. 

            God offers us the unconditional love our hearts so desperately crave.  Total acceptance, validation, and affirmation of  our value as human beings is available to us by choosing to receive it from Him.  Wheher we yield to God's help or not, the only way to avoid excess stress is to examine our hearts to find the roots of bitterness that grow into destruction.  Where I live, we are once again at the beginning of the growing season.   We plants the seeds and hope the produce healthy plants for an abundant harvest.  But, inevitably, the weeds seem to greow faster than the good plants.  Weeds must be pulled, but they keep growing back.  They must be pulled again and again, so the good plants stay healthy.  Like the growing of a fruitful vegetable garden, the weeds of our inner person must be pulled on a regular basis. 

            So, when you feel physical or emotional pain, stop and take a brief inventory of your problem circumstances.  Be honest with yourself  to discover the loss, disappointment, failed expectations (imposed on self or by others), critical judgments, or false beliefs causing the pressure.  Read some of my other articles on how to change from the inside out.  It's often the closest people in your life who you feel the most toxic feelings towards.  Discern what you can do to change yourself, stop blaming circumstances or other people for the unpleasant stress you feel, and begin the  journey to stress-free living. 

Note1:   Please note that "chronic stress" is not what I am talking about in the article.  If you have experienced a traumatic event, or are living in very difficult circumstances for a long period of time, you should seek the help of a counselor to figure out what "normal" might look like. 

Note2:   A book I authored Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart discusses truth for dealing with disappointments, offense and finding freedom through forgiveness (from a Christian perspective).  See more info. by clicking here: http://bluerockbnb.com/healing/book_main.htm . 

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

Trash Turned to Treasure

            This is part three of a three part trilogy on the kind of "trash"  known as inner conflict or unresolved heart issues.   Part One (Taking Out the Trash) discussed some of the ways inner pain can  create unhealthy patterns of thinking and tolerating destructive behaviors.  In Part Two (Trash Leads to Crash) I show how these patterns develop into  diseases that destroy our quality of life, and if not dealt with, can lead to disastrous cancer and death.  This  article shows how to overcome and live in freedom as a Christian. 

            We looked at the example of the ancient King David in the Bible.  This godly man became a victim of trash thoughts and actions to the point of also victimizing others around him.  Psalm 51 records some of his response when he finally came to his senses so-to-speak.  Here is what David remembered about God, "Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom" (Psalm 51:6).  His heart of repentance allowed for redemption, even though some consequences had a high cost.  Instead of only feeling sorry for himself (remorse), he demonstrated sorrow for the grief he had caused his victims and God himself (repentance).  His offenses were great, but he recognized and trusted in the greater grace of God to execute mercy and justice to deal with the trash.  The way this occurred in David's life warrants a closer look than this article can provide.

            It seems somewhat ironic that the same inner person David allowed to become twisted toward evil, is the same inner person who became vulnerable to correction and straight living.  To experience the glad center of our being (peace, joy, satisfaction), we must learn to manage the risks and vulnerability of the sad center of our being (shame, guilt, and dissatisfaction).   Correcting "heart issues" cannot be done by denying they exist, minimizing their magnitude, or placing the blame somewhere else.  Shutting down your heart to the potential for "sad," will also shut down any possibilities of "glad."  Another way to see this is to recognize that life brings both sad and glad experiences.  There is no either/ or option, but both/ and is guaranteed. 

            Therefore, moving forward in our journey of life, whether a past experience becomes trash or treasure, is (in large measure), governed by how we decide to respond to it. We become what we focus on.  What we think, is who we become.  Ralph Waldo Emerson is quoted to say, "The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be."  This is true, at least in part, because each person, individually, is the ONLY person who can take complete charge of his thoughts to forge positive change. 

            The vulnerability of our human condition requires us to make an important distinction between guilt and shame.  Brene Brown, researcher at University of Texas, writes and speaks extensively on the topic of shame.  She points out that guilt involves feelings about what people DO, while shame involves feelings about who people ARE.  Guilt convicts a person of their conduct, while shame condemns the person.  When we confuse guilt and shame, we are unable to maintain our self-worth in the face of admitting guilt for wrong actions.  If we think shamefully of ourselves as a worthless, irreparable, unredeemable person, as noted above, we will surely set ourselves up to become that kind of person.  If we think  unashamedly of ourselves as a worthy person capable of repairable and redeemable actions, we can position ourselves for success.   Since our natural human tendency is to think negatively (shamefully) of ourselves, it requires effort to transform our thinking patterns away from shame-based responses.  Brene Brown also points out the error of equating vulnerability with weakness.  Making your heart vulnerable to things outside your comfort zone, is a sign of maturity, not weakness.  When you can acknowledge and face your personal susceptibility to shame-based thinking, you become a stronger person.  I recommend Dr. Brown's books on the topic of shame to gain more insight as to how this works. 

            The heart of mankind can be the source of mischievous desires and bad judgment, but at the same time, it is also the source of genuine satisfaction and fulfillment.  King David's example showed us how to overcome shame (feelings of worthlessness) to find the strength to face his guilt (sinful behavior).  Although anxiety and rest come from the same inner center of being, David fought through his fear and anxiety, so that the treasure of rest and peace of mind could be attained.              Jesus said, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matthew 6:21).  A Christian perspective of treasure begins with a desire to honor God with our thoughts and actions. The more obstacles (trash) we can remove from our hearts the more healed and Christ-like we can become, and thus the more fulfilled and purposeful we can live.

            A book that greatly helped me early in my personal healing journey is called The Life Model: Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You by James Friesen, PhD, et.al.  The authors write the following about how the heart, soul, and mind work together,

            "When the Word of the Lord tells us to love God with our ”heart, soul, and mind” (Matthew 22:37), that includes our whole self. The heart is your eyes for seeing spiritual reality (Ecclesiastes 11:9); literally, the heart is the ”eyes and ears that know God.” The heart is where understanding resides, and is the origin of spiritual discernment. It is particularly influential in shaping a person’s sense of spiritual identity. ”Living from the heart Jesus gave you” is a term that brings identity together with the spiritual reality of who we are. It is a term that says God designed each of us to be a particular kind of person, with characteristics uniquely our own. When we are living from the heart Jesus gave us, we are being the persons He specifically designed. Living this way integrates the soul, where the feelings are, and the mind, where the thinking takes place.

            In talking about our hearts, we need to be careful to note that the heart is not the emotions. Living from our hearts is not simply doing what our feelings tell us. That would be folly. Living from our hearts means that there is an inner directive that, if governed by the Spirit of God, keeps us on a path that is spiritually attuned to who we are and how God is leading. When our hearts are focused on God, we see who we are and know what we are to be doing. The Word of God reminds us that we all had desperately sick hearts (Jeremiah 17:9), and we all need God to heal them. The heart from Jesus is a reborn heart, a heart where He resides. There are many references to a transformed heart throughout scripture. One passage is in the book of Ephesians, where the apostle Paul prays for the new believers in the Ephesian church. ”I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith” (Ephesians 3:16-17). God wants to live in our hearts. When He is there we experience the freedom and power to be the persons He created us to be" (Friesen, et.al. 1999).  

            Tolerating trash in our lives creates a divided heart, invites pests as guests, and allows our enemy to steal the abundance of life that Jesus came to give us (see John 10:10).  However, our hearts can be transformed into treasure, like the process of refining gold into a treasure of treasures.   Living with an undivided center of identity and integrity is the essence of wholeness.  Wholeness of heart is a treasure worth sacrificing for.  It can produce advantages such as preparing for future unannounced storms of life, simplifying and avoiding further complications in relationship, and living an overall healthier and higher quality of existence.  Why would we settle for anything less?

            The purest gold of all is the relationship we can enjoy with Father God.  Our tendency to be defeated by the shame and guilt in our heart is caused by our sin nature.  Jesus is our Savior from this vulnerable condition.   When we accept this treasure in our heart, we are once again restored to living in the presence of Almighy God.  We can experience God as Father, and enjoy all the benefits of sonship (or daughtership) with him. 

            And remember what made the greatest impact on King David's heart to push it in a different direction?  When he realized the One he offended the most by his sinful actions was God Himself.  Relationship with God was his ultimate treasure that he lost.  We too offend God when we offend (mistreat, sin against) other people.  It offends God when we critically judge, prejudge, or misjudge a fellow human being (when they fail to meet our expectations or needs).  These offenses (committed by ourselves or others) have been forgiven by Jesus as our Refuge. We need only to turn offenses over to him for his forgiveness (see John 20:21-23).  The Psalms (many written by David) express this Refuge theme again and again.  That's one reason I make the Psalms part of my daily reading, and I encourage you to do the same.

            I am reminded of a Neil Young 1970's hit song called Heart of Gold. which says, "I want to live, I want to give,  I've been a miner for a heart of gold.  ....   Keep me searchin' for a heart of gold ..."  What if we each sing that song about ourselves?  I think our world could be a much better place if each of us could turn the search inward before searching outward.  Can we really know what we're searching for, if we haven't found it first within?  A final question, "Am I willing to make my heart a "heart of gold," so that "miners" (other people) can discover the gold?"   Go for the gold!  And make the most of the refining process. 

            Disclaimer:  I realize there may be a small percentage of people who read this who have tried as hard  as they can to choose the better way, but feel, for whatever reason, they are unable to do it.  Please do not feel condemned for trying and failing.  Seek help from a trusted friend or counselor, and remember that human flesh may be weak, but God is strong.  God only asks of us what he knows we can handle.  

                Note:   The book Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart discusses themes of dealing with disappointments, offense and finding freedom in forgiveness.  This book is designed to help people (especially in the Christian faith)  to discover and dislodge things in life that lead to defeat. Don't miss out on your chance to use this book as a helpful tool in discovering Refuge in Christ. It can be purchased by clicking here: http://bluerockbnb.com/healing/book_main.htm . If you get anywhere near Pennsylvania for vacation or on business, be sure to look us up for lodging at  http://bluerockbnb.com 

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry