Reflections on Vacation and Retreat

Have you ever planned a trip for business or ministry and then said, “While I’m there, I may as well take a few extra days and visit some sites in the area?”   Combining vacation time with business travel is common.  But what about combining vacation time with reflection time?

 What is meant by “vacation” may be different for all of us.  It may mean beach, mountains, or forests.  It may mean inclusion (with friends) or seclusion.  It may mean outdoor or indoor activities.  It may mean ocean cruise or land automobile, or so many other things.  Vacation is supposed to be “down time,”  bringing rest, relaxation, and rejuvination.  But how many times have we returned from a “vacation” only to feel like we need a vacation from our vacation.  

One solution might be a vacation for self care.  Engaging in down-time activity to give your body rest is one thing, but evaluating and discovering new ways of improving your mental, emotional, and spiritual status can take vacation to a higher level.  Especially if your job or ministry is in people helping business, the everyday wear and tear and built up stressors can be weighing much more heavily than you, or even people in closest relationship to you, can recognize.  

About 7 years ago I discovered a model of personal debriefing for Christian missionaries that has helped thousands find new vitallity and meaning for their work.  The Le Rucher model of debriefing is a guided 5 day rest, for personal reflection, sharing your story, and finding new perspectives from God. Not only for missionaries, this is a proven method of assessing events of life and ministry in a safe and supportive environment.  It is a structured progression through stressors, associated losses, adjustments, and recovery of hopes and dreams. The result is fresh vision and energy for reengagement.    

My wife and I benefited as participants in this model ourselves.  I also trained and became a certified debriefer in the model.  I now offer the debriefing as a package with a stay at our Blue Rock Bed and Breakfast.  More is described at http://bluerockbnb.com/healing/debriefing.htm .  I encourage all Christian pastors, missionaries, ministry or business leaders to consider this for making the most of your next vacation or rest  time.  These five days of debriefing is a perfect way to begin a several month sabbatical or scheduled down time.   

Sometimes people’s schedules and activities make them so wound up inside, that it takes most of their scheduled vacation time just to begin to relax.  ‘We have guided tools that will help you begin relaxing right away.

The cost of neglecting self care is much to great.  Last year was a year of many “big name” leaders falling to corruption, immorality, allegations of abuse, and even walking away from their faith.  While the circumstances may be different for each individual, the qualifications for leadership are the same.  1 Timothy 3 is often sited as a source in the Bible for qualification of Christian leadership.  Although biblical qualifications are important, we must never forget that leaders are first followers.  We are all followers of Christ.  A great book I read sometime ago is  Joseph Stowell’s Following Christ.   Becoming a transformed disciple of Christ involves  putting aside our personal agendas, and surrendering completely to God’s plan and purposes.  

So we all think we’re pretty good at that stuff, right?  After all, that’s what makes us a good leader.  That is until an unforseen temptation, trial, or drained human energy catches us off guard.  Healthy leadership requires being proactive about psychological rest, building emotional stamina, and intentional transformational renewing of the mind.  See a previous article for more on this http://authoredhersh.blogspot.com/2016/12/sailing-to-new-horizons-part-1.html .

Jesus says over and over throughout the Bible that following him means applying his teachings to our lives.  Our faith in Jesus must be demonstrated with actions in keeping with his actions.  Jesus also teaches that our actions spring from our heart.  We are not called to merely act like Jesus, but to surrender our hearts to the heavenly Father as Jesus surrendered his heart to the Father.  In my view, surrendering to God’s transformation process is the most important qualification for leadership.   An important question to be asking ourselves is, “Does the quality of my vacation time (down time, sabbatical, rest, relax time) truly replenish the reservoir of my heart, so that a potential storm ahead would not destroy me?”  

Again, an automatic “yes” answer would be tempting for most of us.  But maybe we should give this question a bit more consideration.  The beginning of a New Year is a good time to plan, not just a vacation, but a time of rest and rejuvenation.   A healthy inner being is essential for healthy leadership, relationships, and all aspects of life.

May we give similar attention to our heart condition as King David did as expressed in Psalm 139, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24).  If the thought of letting God search your heart scares you, think again.  Who knows you the best?  Who loves you the most?  Who cares the most that you fulfill your God-given purpose in life?   The answers to these questions are found by reading the remainder of Psalm 139 and resting in the truth of our value in God’s sight.   

Jesus speaks, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matthew 11:28-29; Message)

If you wish to visit us for the debriefing rest time or if I can help with other aspects of self care (heart care), please contact me.  I adhere to strict confidentiality standards, and cannot share details for people we have helped, but good reports abound,  The numbers of people are growing, and the significance of impact is growing.  God is at work, and we believe God wants leaders thriving in tip-top shape (spirit, soul, & body; 1 Thesselonians 5:23) to advance God’s  Kingdom.   Blessings for rest in Refuge.

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

Sailing to New Horizons - Part 2

            Part One focused metaphorically on the dangers of trying to sail through life without proper care for the soul.  Dry docking the boat is a sailing term for taking the boat offline to inspect and re-enforce stressed or weakened parts as a result of traveling the seas. Dry dock (downtime) is essential for ensuring stability and mobility through the storms of life guaranteed to test our vessel (personal being).  This Part Two focuses more on the practicals of dry dock. 

            There are many aspects of soul care which contribute to a healthy quality of life.  Sailing a boat requires knowing how to harness the power of the wind to navigate in a particular direction.  So too in life there are truths and principles that create predictable results.  Good ethics, character development, life skills, and virtuous living all help for things to go well in life.  Our performance-based culture rewards our focus on these kinds of activities.  But a truth frequently forgotten, is that good performance is predicated by how well we ”perform”  in our private thoughts and inner world. 

            As we noted, the main purpose of the keel, beneath the waterline, is to balance the boat.   When the keel is weakened or broken, the ship is in severe danger of losing its  balance in the slightest storm conditions, causing the ship to capsize with no chance to survive.  Balancing the time a ship spends sailing on the sea with time spent in dry dock to maintain its seaworthy condition, is crucial for survival.  Balancing the time we spend pursuing our duties in life (as a parent, employee, leader, member, friend, etc.), with time spent temporarily putting those duties aside for rest, is imperative for life to go well.   

            True rest is the balance that keeps your sailboat sailing. Proper rest is designed to renew and restore life.  There is no way around it.  Rest is the activity that keeps you active, creative, and productive.  Let's briefly consider four types of rest.  To help us remember these four types, let's unpack an acronym to sail (S-A-I-L).  The S is Sleep.  The A is Activity.  The I is Inspiration and Inspection.  The L is Listening intently.   

            1.  Sleep.  Sleep is the activity that completely shuts down our conscious mind for about one third of every day.  Yes, we sleep about one third of our lives.  Sleep is a huge and fascinating topic too big to explore here,  but two points are worthy of mention.  Although opinions may vary as to how much sleep is enough, making the decision to do what it takes to get enough sleep is the only way you will get enough sleep.  You must decide your sailing vessel (body and soul) cannot sail without it.  Secondly, sleep is not just for the body to rest, but also for the psyche to rest.  Especially for those in people helping activities on a daily basis, sleep  is important to maintain psychological sharpness and stability.     

            2. Activity.  In order to maximize the rest factor, consider better management of your daily activity.  Make the most of the types, durations, flows, and intensities of routine tasks.    Avoid extremes and practice moderation.  Maybe your employer controls a great deal of how your time is spent on the job, but you can limit stress by making time for sports, hobbies, music, reading, playing games with family, and other things you find relaxing.   Make "play" an intention practice in three areas: physical (eg. sports), spiritual (eg worship), and psychological (eg. reading).  Be aware of circumstances that sap your "emotional energy," and counter them with something that fills your "emotional tank."   

            3. Inspiration and Inspection.  This type of rest is meant to "feed" the spirit part of your being.  Humans are designed as spirit beings, and thus need spiritual food as desperately  as they need physical food to nourish the physical body.  A dictionary definition of inspiration is, "a divine influence directly and immediately exerted upon the mind or soul."  Spiritual food may include time spent alone with God (getting to know Him better),  pursuing God together with other people, or anything with the goal of inspiring faith, hope, and love with divine qualities. 

            Inspection works hand in hand with inspiration to keep us honest about our true spiritual condition.  We need self-evaluation and input from other people to stay true to our core identity and purpose in life.  Our natural tendency is to try to make life work without God's help.  Even those who consider themselves God-followers have a leaning to "do life" under, over, from, or for God, as compared to living "with" God.  For an explanation of how this works, see Skye Jethani's excellent book called With: Re-imagining the Way You Relate to God. 

            4. Listening intently.  The fourth type of rest, and the most engaged form of dry dock, is listening intently.  Listening could be thought of as an extension of both inspiration and inspection described above.  I use the term listening to emphasize an active receiving mode.  It is not merely "hearing," or passive intellectual or emotional stimulation.  The goal of listening is to transform (for the better) who you are as a person.  It is not to evaluate performance as much as it is to uncover and strengthen your inner being.  The ultimate response of listening involves surrender.  The real secret to rest is complying with a definition that was given about 2000 years ago in Christ's words,  “Come to me all of you who are tired from the heavy burden you have been forced to carry. I will give you rest.  Accept my teaching. Learn from me. I am gentle and humble in spirit. And you will be able to get some rest.  Yes, the teaching that I ask you to accept is easy. The load I give you to carry is light”  (Matthew 11:28-30; ERV).  Listening acknowledges our need for help outside of ourselves. 

            God's voice of truth is all around us.  God speaks words of life.  We can only hear them, if we are listening.   Listening postures may include intentional quiet, complete silence, reflection, meditation, journaling, recording, and waiting.  Every so often, it is imperative to get away from ALL distractions for personal retreat.  Listening is rarely practiced in our culture.  A big reason is our lack of success at filtering out distractions.  Eliminating the hindrance of "noise" is the first step toward listening. 

            Noise is so commonly tolerated that its hard for some people to imagine an experience in life without it.  Sheer busyness (over-scheduling) is a huge source of noise.  Noise is somewhat dependent on background and culture.  A New York City dweller is adapted to noise more than an Amish farmer in Lancaster, PA.  A hearing impaired person is more likely confused by background noise, when  holding a conversation in a crowded room.  An example of psychological noise may be your inner voice telling you lies about who you are (or are not) as a person because of past hurts or wounds.  This kind of baggage noise causes excess weight to make sailing your ship even more difficult.  Whether it be circumstantial, physical, or psychological noise, the more noise, the less listening is possible.  Less listening means less rest.  Without the dry dock of rest, your ship (life) is more likely to break down when storms rage like job loss, close relationship loss, health loss, or financial  loss.     

            To the degree that you practice dry dock (these types of rest) you will be best prepared for the stressors of life when they come.  Your ship is made ready to S-A-I-L. 

            From time to time in my own life, I am forced to make some decisions needed to help me sail.  One example is my use of the cell phone.  I have chosen to limit my use of the phone for voice communication and not access the Internet.  I do a lot of my work on the computer, but do not want my computer on my phone.  The distraction would be too great.  I consider "texting" too great a temptation for distractibility as well,  I do not text.  I'm not a technophobe.  I spent 17 years developing software for my employment.  I simply cherish the "listening time" I maintain without the greater level of  noise.

For me, convenience is never a good enough reason to go with new communication  technology.  Research is starting to show the great danger in over-stimulation caused by recent technology.  I'm not saying that my personal boundaries should be adopted by everyone, but everyone needs designated personal time with their communication devices turned off completely.     

            In the Christian community, statistics are huge for burnout among church workers, pastors, missionaries, and leaders.  A variety of things may contribute to a shipwreck incident, but one of the greatest failures is the lack of dry dock.  I am committed to the value of rest in my personal life, and I want to see others become better sailors as well.   Personal retreats, sabbaticals, debriefings, or extended times to focus on inner strength should be considered normal procedure in the concept of ministry.  There are resources available to help.  I have linked with a group of care providers to offer personal debriefing for missionaries.  The Le Rucher model of debriefing has  helped thousands over the years.  For more information see  http://leruchereastcoastusa.org .   I have also helped many pastors and leaders through the counseling and spiritual coaching at the Blue Rock Bed and Breakfast.  Upon request, I tailor retreat activities based on time available, ministry setting, and specific needs for renewal. 

            Reading Gordon MacDonald's book called The Life God Blesses inspired me to write this article.   I encourage you to read his book, and consider dry dock an essential part of your work.  If you're not taking care of yourself, it's only a matter of time until you won't be taking care of anybody.  If you contact me, I would be glad to assist you in finding a better way to S-A-I-L to new horizons.

Note:  If you are reading this and you also provide ways to dry dock for struggling Christian leaders, please contact me so we can get acquainted.  Referral sources and mutual support is welcomed for this type of care.

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

Sailing to New Horizons - Part 1

            So, when was your last sabbatical, personal retreat, or just a few days of vacation?  Failure to balance work with appropriate rest is one of the most common reasons people in leadership and service professions are forced to quit.  Here are a few tips.

            In a book called The Life God Blesses, Gordon MacDonald tells the story of an expert sailor named Michael Plant.  In 1992 he set out from the US east coast to cross the Atlantic Ocean in a sailboat with the best equipment available and the experience of having done this routine many times before.  About two weeks into the voyage, his boat was found floating upside down in the sea with no signs of the man.  MacDonald tells this story to point out that "we're all in the same boat" (pun intended), and that success in our life's journey is much like the metaphor of sailing. 

            Have you or someone you know experienced a hard-to-explain sailing accident or shipwreck?  By wreck or serious accident I mean burnout, psychological breakdown (depression, anxiety, etc.), addiction, moral failure, suicide, homicide, or other criminal actions.  Demands of life seem to create stressors in greater numbers and intensity than ever before in history.  Professional achievement, accumulation of wealth, and outwardly happy marriage and family life do not automatically translate into a successful voyage. 

Hard work ethic, good friends and family, latest technology, and even strong faith are sometimes not enough to navigate the storms and trials of life.  Storms happen.  Disruptions occur.  Only foolishness makes us think we are immune to bad things destroying our lives. 

            Plant's boat capsized mainly because a four ton weight had detached from its keel.  MacDonald mentions, "I discovered this much about sailboats as I read about Michael Plant’s tragedy. I learned that in order for a sailboat to maintain a steady course, and in order for it not to capsize but to harness the tremendous power of the wind, there must be more weight below the waterline than there is above it. Any violation of this principle of weight distribution means disaster."   Although not visible, the boat's keel beneath the waterline is the most important part of the boat.  Plant's sailboat was found upside down because of failure of its keel.  Our lives get turned upside down when we fail to maintain our keel (soul) beneath the waterline (unseen inner person). 

            A sailboat must be properly maintained to ensure it can withstand the stormy seas.  Over time joints crack, bolts rust, wind-driven structures shift, and the salty sea water requires replacement of parts and reconditioning of other parts.  The only way to do the necessary repairs is to dry dock  the boat.  Dry docking is removing the boat from the water so the parts beneath the waterline can be accessed.  Without dry docking, safety is compromised, and the boat is guaranteed to fail at some point, likely at a most inopportune moment in stormy seas.  

            Sailing to new horizons in our life requires occasional "dry docking."  Depending on your circumstances and type of work this may mean vacation, debriefing, extended time off, sabbatical, personal retreat, re-training, rehabilitation, or a major re-evaluation of your current path.  Sometimes life above the waterline gets too busy keeping the business, church, organization, service, or ordinary roles and expectations  moving along.  Good appearance may become a higher priority than genuine soul care.  Our inner being beneath the waterline so-to-speak, is overlooked.  When our reliances, rewards, and relationships are only at a surface level, we are in great danger of "cracks" developing in our soul.  

            Cracks expand into compromised life structures.  For example, an unhealthy habit may turn into an addiction.  A "difficult person" to deal with may trigger old forgotten wounds making it impossible to feel at peace.   Or, a stressful situation may turn into a traumatic event because it is the third major stressor in a short period of time.  Cracks in our soul will eventually break us, likely in the most inopportune time,  wrecking our lives, and often, many lives around us.  Dry docking our activities, specifically for the purpose of inspecting the condition of our soul, is a necessary part of life.  

            A Proverb says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it" (Proverbs 4:23).  The core of human experience is the inner being.  Most of the actions people take spring from the hidden unconscious level.  Relatively speaking, very few decisions are made at the conscious level.  Humans are creatures of habit, always preferring the familiar over the unknown, even if the familiar is unwise, treacherous, or  dangerous.  Gaping cracks develop in our soul (and remain unseen beneath the waterline)  because we tolerate the small cracks which make us increasingly vulnerable.  Most people who have an affair, for example, don't set out to have sex with someone other than their spouse.  The "play around" with flirting and one emotional attachment upon another sails them on a voyage of no return.  Things like pornography, drugs, and work-a-holism happen the same way.  Sometimes the only way to "guard your heart" (as the proverb says) is to dry dock and discover excesses (or omissions) in your behaviors. 

            The invisible keel of your personal life (whether you call it your soul, heart, core-self, inner person, spiritual center, or whatever), guides the course and quality of your entire existence.  Are you giving your keel the attention it needs?  Are you feeding your soul a healthy diet?  Are you protecting your heart from as much harmful influence as you know how?   Are you dry docking long enough to ask these kinds of questions?  Are you being transparent with someone close to you for evaluation and assessment of your true condition? 

            You may be a great "sailor" (skillful leader or well-qualified manager), have a great sailing "crew" (staff and volunteers), and even have successfully navigated difficult "voyages" in the past (persevered through trying circumstances).  The fact remains, to keep your "vessel" (personal life) sea-worthy, you must make "dry dock" (rest and re-evaluation) a regular and intentional part of your "sailing" (life journey) experience.  Taking a respite from your primary work or service project is not a sign of poor leadership, weak resolve, or lacking in mental, emotional, and spiritual stability.  Making a choice to dry dock is your only hope to develop resilience needed for the long haul. 

            It's even okay to admit you need help repairing your keel.  There are people who specialize in repairing of cracks,  re-alignments. and recalibration of the soul.  Good counselors help people live psychologically healthy lives from a whole person perspective.   Emotional health is another topic I discuss in many articles on this blog site.

            Three years ago I wrote an article to lay out specific actions people helpers can take to practice self-care.  It is called Taking Care for Care-Givers at:  http://authoredhersh.blogspot.com/2014_03_01_archive.html .  Since that writing I have become aware of at least a half dozen significant leaders in our community who have wrecked their lives and many lives around them.  Their offenses include murderer and other actions that have taken them to prison.  Through my counseling I am indirectly connected to dozens more of similar cases.  Sometimes the most difficult thing to grieve in these losses is the surprise element.  Many are "good people" giving no indication of their deepest struggles.  Successfully sailing the seas of life takes much more than good works and strong will power.  Dry docking our sailboats must be taken more seriously.  If we are going to sail far enough to see new horizons, we must first look into the hidden parts of our being for new strength and vitality.  My next article will be a part 2 with more specific ways of dry dock. 

            One more comment to those who follow God as their source for inner strength and peaceful sailing.  God has done his part in providing a Savior for us to experience rebirth and spiritual renewal.  It is up to us to surrender our hearts to him for his inspection and periodic dry docking for spiritual health.  Spiritual leaders are particularly prone to the perils of sailing without adequate attention on the keel.  My prayer is that dry dock becomes more an accepted practice for the journey.  I make myself available as much as I can to assist.  Have a great voyage! 
by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

Taking Care for Care-Givers

            Stress is common to all persons.  My previous post explained how those in the business of helping others can be at greater risk to miss signs of too much stress leading to disastrous results. Below I share some ways to alleviate the negative effects of stress in life and leadership activities.

            Again I refer to information provided by Dr. Eric Scalise from a seminar with the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC).  His 15 principles of self care (presented in a webinar in January 2014) are shared below.

            1.  Don't take your identity from your work:  Who you are as a person is not defined by what you do as a professional or valunteer.  For the Christian reading this, you are first a child of God.  Your sonship or daughtership is the most important thing about your being. It defines who you are and your purpose for being and doing.

            2.  Learn what it means to have joy:  Happiness is based on mood, while joy is intentionally made.  Joy is produced by cultivating a grateful heart.  Finding things for which to be thankful, in the midst of difficult circumstances, produces the fruit of joy.        

            3.  Learn to de-personalize the process, and limit your time around negative people:  Intentionally spend time around healthy people.  Consider your limitations for handling negativity.  No matter how spiritual we wish to be, our humanity cannot be ignored. 

            4.  Rest because God created rest:   Sabbath rest may mean something different to you than other people.  Discover the difference between things that drain you and things that energize you and spend appropriate time replenishing your strength. 

            5.  Sleep:  Recent research shows how sleep literally can regenerate your brain.  Depriving your body of enough sleep wears it down more quickly.  Consuming      caffeine before bedtime severely compounds the problem of too few sleep cycles per night.

            6.  Diet and exercise:  What you consume becomes what your body is made of.  Consume nourishing foods and your body is nourished.  Consume junk, and your body becomes junk.  Your body needs lots of water.  Drink water even when you're not thirsty. 

            7.  Learn to be silent and still:  Extended reflection and contemplation time is one of the most valuable yet least practiced activities of the day.  Luke 5:15-16 and other accounts show the example of Jesus in intentionally limiting ministry time.

            8.  Create outlets to avoid stagnation:   Nothing can live in the Dead Sea because it has no water flowing out of it.  Our spirit needs a life-giving flow out as well as a life-receiving flow in. 

            9.  Seek to give your burdens to God every day:   1 Peter 5:7 says, "Cast your cares upon him ..."   In Matthew 11:29-30 Jesus says, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me ..."  We should ask ourselves regularly, "Am I carrying a burden I should be giving to the Lord?"   Or, "Am I carrying someone's burden (for them) that I should be letting them give to the Lord?"

            10.  Learn to "triage" your daily events:   Not everything that is urgent is important, and not everything that seems important to others, is urgent for you.  Set priorities and stick to them.   Let others do things, especially things they can do more efficiently than you.

            11.  Learn to have realistic expectations:   It's not about you (whatever it is).  Life's meaning is found in pursuing God's design and purposes.  People you work with are at differing degrees of knowledge and motivation in that pursuit. 

            12.  Seek to resolve those things that can be accomplished quickly and easily:  Especially when you're stuck, don't work on the 20% of the more difficult tasks on your to-do list.  Fast and simple progress can help create inertia. 

            13.  Learn to manage your time by saying "no":   Set boundaries for yourself.  Don't get pulled into other people setting your boundaries for you.  There will always be people that have "important" things for you to do. 

            14.  Learn to delegate to others whenever and wherever possible:   Someone has said, "Cemeteries are full of indispensable people."  

            15.  Find one or two key people to whom you can be accountable:   Be completely honest, vulnerable, and transparent with someone close.  Isolation is the number one enemy strategy to take out a leader. 

            Let me encourage you to take some reflection time to take an honest and hard look at these qualities in yourself.  Ask someone close to you how they see your ability to achieve these things.  Most importantly, spend some time in prayer and listening to God for His direction in how to respond.   What is the specific item(s) God may want you to focus on right now at this point in your life?   What specific action steps will you take to pursue the change needed to be where you believe God would want you to be in a week?  month?  year?  

            Take care, to be all that God made you to be!

                Note:   The book Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart discusses themes of dealing with disappointments, offense and finding freedom in forgiveness.  This book is designed to help people (especially in the Christian faith)  to discover and dislodge things in life that lead to defeat. Don't miss out on your chance to use this book as a helpful tool in discovering Refuge in Christ. It can be purchased by clicking here: http://bluerockbnb.com/healing/book_main.htm . If you get anywhere near Pennsylvania for vacation or on business, be sure to look us up for lodging at  http://bluerockbnb.com 

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry