Reflections on Vacation and Retreat

Have you ever planned a trip for business or ministry and then said, “While I’m there, I may as well take a few extra days and visit some sites in the area?”   Combining vacation time with business travel is common.  But what about combining vacation time with reflection time?

 What is meant by “vacation” may be different for all of us.  It may mean beach, mountains, or forests.  It may mean inclusion (with friends) or seclusion.  It may mean outdoor or indoor activities.  It may mean ocean cruise or land automobile, or so many other things.  Vacation is supposed to be “down time,”  bringing rest, relaxation, and rejuvination.  But how many times have we returned from a “vacation” only to feel like we need a vacation from our vacation.  

One solution might be a vacation for self care.  Engaging in down-time activity to give your body rest is one thing, but evaluating and discovering new ways of improving your mental, emotional, and spiritual status can take vacation to a higher level.  Especially if your job or ministry is in people helping business, the everyday wear and tear and built up stressors can be weighing much more heavily than you, or even people in closest relationship to you, can recognize.  

About 7 years ago I discovered a model of personal debriefing for Christian missionaries that has helped thousands find new vitallity and meaning for their work.  The Le Rucher model of debriefing is a guided 5 day rest, for personal reflection, sharing your story, and finding new perspectives from God. Not only for missionaries, this is a proven method of assessing events of life and ministry in a safe and supportive environment.  It is a structured progression through stressors, associated losses, adjustments, and recovery of hopes and dreams. The result is fresh vision and energy for reengagement.    

My wife and I benefited as participants in this model ourselves.  I also trained and became a certified debriefer in the model.  I now offer the debriefing as a package with a stay at our Blue Rock Bed and Breakfast.  More is described at http://bluerockbnb.com/healing/debriefing.htm .  I encourage all Christian pastors, missionaries, ministry or business leaders to consider this for making the most of your next vacation or rest  time.  These five days of debriefing is a perfect way to begin a several month sabbatical or scheduled down time.   

Sometimes people’s schedules and activities make them so wound up inside, that it takes most of their scheduled vacation time just to begin to relax.  ‘We have guided tools that will help you begin relaxing right away.

The cost of neglecting self care is much to great.  Last year was a year of many “big name” leaders falling to corruption, immorality, allegations of abuse, and even walking away from their faith.  While the circumstances may be different for each individual, the qualifications for leadership are the same.  1 Timothy 3 is often sited as a source in the Bible for qualification of Christian leadership.  Although biblical qualifications are important, we must never forget that leaders are first followers.  We are all followers of Christ.  A great book I read sometime ago is  Joseph Stowell’s Following Christ.   Becoming a transformed disciple of Christ involves  putting aside our personal agendas, and surrendering completely to God’s plan and purposes.  

So we all think we’re pretty good at that stuff, right?  After all, that’s what makes us a good leader.  That is until an unforseen temptation, trial, or drained human energy catches us off guard.  Healthy leadership requires being proactive about psychological rest, building emotional stamina, and intentional transformational renewing of the mind.  See a previous article for more on this http://authoredhersh.blogspot.com/2016/12/sailing-to-new-horizons-part-1.html .

Jesus says over and over throughout the Bible that following him means applying his teachings to our lives.  Our faith in Jesus must be demonstrated with actions in keeping with his actions.  Jesus also teaches that our actions spring from our heart.  We are not called to merely act like Jesus, but to surrender our hearts to the heavenly Father as Jesus surrendered his heart to the Father.  In my view, surrendering to God’s transformation process is the most important qualification for leadership.   An important question to be asking ourselves is, “Does the quality of my vacation time (down time, sabbatical, rest, relax time) truly replenish the reservoir of my heart, so that a potential storm ahead would not destroy me?”  

Again, an automatic “yes” answer would be tempting for most of us.  But maybe we should give this question a bit more consideration.  The beginning of a New Year is a good time to plan, not just a vacation, but a time of rest and rejuvenation.   A healthy inner being is essential for healthy leadership, relationships, and all aspects of life.

May we give similar attention to our heart condition as King David did as expressed in Psalm 139, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24).  If the thought of letting God search your heart scares you, think again.  Who knows you the best?  Who loves you the most?  Who cares the most that you fulfill your God-given purpose in life?   The answers to these questions are found by reading the remainder of Psalm 139 and resting in the truth of our value in God’s sight.   

Jesus speaks, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matthew 11:28-29; Message)

If you wish to visit us for the debriefing rest time or if I can help with other aspects of self care (heart care), please contact me.  I adhere to strict confidentiality standards, and cannot share details for people we have helped, but good reports abound,  The numbers of people are growing, and the significance of impact is growing.  God is at work, and we believe God wants leaders thriving in tip-top shape (spirit, soul, & body; 1 Thesselonians 5:23) to advance God’s  Kingdom.   Blessings for rest in Refuge.

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

Taking Care for Care-Givers

            Stress is common to all persons.  My previous post explained how those in the business of helping others can be at greater risk to miss signs of too much stress leading to disastrous results. Below I share some ways to alleviate the negative effects of stress in life and leadership activities.

            Again I refer to information provided by Dr. Eric Scalise from a seminar with the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC).  His 15 principles of self care (presented in a webinar in January 2014) are shared below.

            1.  Don't take your identity from your work:  Who you are as a person is not defined by what you do as a professional or valunteer.  For the Christian reading this, you are first a child of God.  Your sonship or daughtership is the most important thing about your being. It defines who you are and your purpose for being and doing.

            2.  Learn what it means to have joy:  Happiness is based on mood, while joy is intentionally made.  Joy is produced by cultivating a grateful heart.  Finding things for which to be thankful, in the midst of difficult circumstances, produces the fruit of joy.        

            3.  Learn to de-personalize the process, and limit your time around negative people:  Intentionally spend time around healthy people.  Consider your limitations for handling negativity.  No matter how spiritual we wish to be, our humanity cannot be ignored. 

            4.  Rest because God created rest:   Sabbath rest may mean something different to you than other people.  Discover the difference between things that drain you and things that energize you and spend appropriate time replenishing your strength. 

            5.  Sleep:  Recent research shows how sleep literally can regenerate your brain.  Depriving your body of enough sleep wears it down more quickly.  Consuming      caffeine before bedtime severely compounds the problem of too few sleep cycles per night.

            6.  Diet and exercise:  What you consume becomes what your body is made of.  Consume nourishing foods and your body is nourished.  Consume junk, and your body becomes junk.  Your body needs lots of water.  Drink water even when you're not thirsty. 

            7.  Learn to be silent and still:  Extended reflection and contemplation time is one of the most valuable yet least practiced activities of the day.  Luke 5:15-16 and other accounts show the example of Jesus in intentionally limiting ministry time.

            8.  Create outlets to avoid stagnation:   Nothing can live in the Dead Sea because it has no water flowing out of it.  Our spirit needs a life-giving flow out as well as a life-receiving flow in. 

            9.  Seek to give your burdens to God every day:   1 Peter 5:7 says, "Cast your cares upon him ..."   In Matthew 11:29-30 Jesus says, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me ..."  We should ask ourselves regularly, "Am I carrying a burden I should be giving to the Lord?"   Or, "Am I carrying someone's burden (for them) that I should be letting them give to the Lord?"

            10.  Learn to "triage" your daily events:   Not everything that is urgent is important, and not everything that seems important to others, is urgent for you.  Set priorities and stick to them.   Let others do things, especially things they can do more efficiently than you.

            11.  Learn to have realistic expectations:   It's not about you (whatever it is).  Life's meaning is found in pursuing God's design and purposes.  People you work with are at differing degrees of knowledge and motivation in that pursuit. 

            12.  Seek to resolve those things that can be accomplished quickly and easily:  Especially when you're stuck, don't work on the 20% of the more difficult tasks on your to-do list.  Fast and simple progress can help create inertia. 

            13.  Learn to manage your time by saying "no":   Set boundaries for yourself.  Don't get pulled into other people setting your boundaries for you.  There will always be people that have "important" things for you to do. 

            14.  Learn to delegate to others whenever and wherever possible:   Someone has said, "Cemeteries are full of indispensable people."  

            15.  Find one or two key people to whom you can be accountable:   Be completely honest, vulnerable, and transparent with someone close.  Isolation is the number one enemy strategy to take out a leader. 

            Let me encourage you to take some reflection time to take an honest and hard look at these qualities in yourself.  Ask someone close to you how they see your ability to achieve these things.  Most importantly, spend some time in prayer and listening to God for His direction in how to respond.   What is the specific item(s) God may want you to focus on right now at this point in your life?   What specific action steps will you take to pursue the change needed to be where you believe God would want you to be in a week?  month?  year?  

            Take care, to be all that God made you to be!

                Note:   The book Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart discusses themes of dealing with disappointments, offense and finding freedom in forgiveness.  This book is designed to help people (especially in the Christian faith)  to discover and dislodge things in life that lead to defeat. Don't miss out on your chance to use this book as a helpful tool in discovering Refuge in Christ. It can be purchased by clicking here: http://bluerockbnb.com/healing/book_main.htm . If you get anywhere near Pennsylvania for vacation or on business, be sure to look us up for lodging at  http://bluerockbnb.com 

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry