Less Stress

Stress is not automatically unhealthy, but relieving the harmful, unwanted stress is mostly thought of in terms of changing behaviors.  Many strategies are widely recommended for reducing stress such as improving ways of managing time, exercise, meditation techniques, breathing, games, sex, music, hobbies, communication, listening, other relational skills, diet, pets, art, journaling, dancing, vacation, prayer, sleep, and on the list can go.   

But instead of only focusing on the externals, it is imperative to address inner personal transformation.  Clarifying and simplifying the way we think, recognizing the way we interpret, and sanctifying the way we respond, can have the greatest impact on our stress levels.   

I will focus now on what I believe is the largest source of  inner conflict, thus creating toxic stress.  It is not a popular topic for discussion, but I find in my counseling work, it is at the root of almost every personal and relational struggle, creating stress (and leading to much deeper problems).  The topic is critical, condemning judgment.  Condemning judgments may take the form of drawing false conclusions,  forming  wrong opinions, all the way to nursing harmful attitudes which destroy good-will toward people.    When a person judges (pronounces condemnation) less, their stress level will be dramatically reduced.

Critically judging presents itself in one or more of three major categories:  God, other people, and ourselves.  

Let’s start with ourselves.  If my opinion of myself is too high or too low, the further I go to one of those extremes, the higher the possibility I will feel over-stressed.  Thinking too little of myself may lead to feelings of not good enough, not strong enough, not smart enough, or not fit enough. Thinking too much of myself may lead to over estimating my abilities and under estimating the amount of energy required to complete routine tasks.  When my short comings cause me to severely blame and  condemn myself for the disappointments, losses, and failures, I feel the over-bearing weight of unmet self-expectations. When my value and worth is too tightly tied to my work, relationships, productivity, health, or wealth, my thoughts, beliefs, and actions are ruled by excess self-doubt, self-criticism, self-condemnation, self-bitterness, and self-rejection.  

Similarly, when our focus is too far “other people” directed, we over stress, based on the words they say, how we perceive their beliefs about us, and the reactions they display toward us.  For example, if a person needs a job desperately to provide for their family, and a friend who is a potential employer makes a decision to hire someone else, the person who was not chosen has some choices of their own to make.  Will they critically judge the employer as unkind, insensitive, uncaring, unethical, racist, and whatever else might be tempting to think depending on the situation?  Will the job seeker’s background and belief systems cause him to interpret the rejection as “all business owners are crooks,” or “he’s a very selfish person,” or “he’s not being fair to underprivileged people?”  Will she respond in anger, blame, bitterness, resentment, and revenge seeking actions?   Each person has a choice whether to allow the pain of disappointments, mistreatment, rejection, and betrayal to hurt us more deeply or not. He could instead use emotional pain to become the catalyst for more healing of the inner person.  When loss occurs the default tendency of human nature is to complain (about what is wrong), blame (other people for their failings), and justify (their own bad reactions to other peoples’ failings).  These kinds of responses create harmful stress.        

Sometimes people bring God into the scenario.  Complaining about God’s lack of intervention to keep bad things from happening,, blaming God for bad consequences, or justifying their own mistrust and hatred toward God, compounds the stress.  Many times these thoughts about God, beliefs about his character, and corresponding reactions are hidden until we become honest about the possibilities that they exist.   As preacher AW Tozer says, “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.”   Thoughts and impressions of God shape the entire world as we know it, for better or for worse, creating less stress or more stress.  More and more scientific research is revealing this truth.  An excellent book I read recently is called “The God-Shaped Brain: How Changing Your View of God Transforms Your Life,” by psychiatrist Dr. Timothy Jennings.  Perceiving and responding to God rightly as a loving Father provides much more brain health than viewing God as a harsh task master ready to punish all wrong doing.  Our filtered perspectives generally follow one of two directions: fear or love.  Fear-based responses create negative, unwanted stress producing consequences.  Love-based responses create less stress.

Self concept is at the center of all stress (see my earlier articles to see how and why).   God determines our worth, and it is not determined by our own self-will or  effort.  Each person has equal value simply because they are a unique expression of God’s creation.  Worth is not about proving myself valuable.  When there’s nothing to prove, the stress is off.  My heart can be at peace because who I am at the core is the real me, and it’s all good, because everything about God is good.  False beliefs and judgments about God keep us from the most important connection of our being.  Eckhart Tolle  says, “You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are at the deepest level.”  

Consider the following two lists; a stress list and a less-stress list.  Stress traffics in confusion, complication, clutter, secracy, dishonesty, mistrust, falsehood, misinterpretation, idolatry, distractions,  pride, irresponsibility, and the like.  Less stress is found in clariy, simplicity, order, transparency, honesty, trust, truth, accuracy, loyalty, attentiveness, humility, taking responsibility, and so forth.  We all have things in the first list that need to be transformed into their counterpart in the second list.  Changing toxic stress to less stress is a journey and requires commitment to a process orientation (for thinking, interpreting, and responding).  External change is more of a result, than it is a source, of less stress.  

For God-followers some considerations from the Bible have the most authority to influence thinking, interpreting, and responding for less stress.  Condemnation is rooted in fear, and thus in direct opposition of love which is the center of Christ’s teaching.  Some of the worst expressions of critically judging are gossip and slander.  We don’t often hear those words talked about in our conversations about sinful behavior, but they are extremely damaging in relationships, and far too common.  They even get excused as “prayer requests,” or “just thought you should know” warnings.  Negative treatment or speech toward another person meant to harm and put them down, opposes love and therefore, condemns.  This not only creates stress for the victims, but piles more stress on the gossiper and slanderer (see Matthew 7:1-2 and Romans 2:1-2).

Also, God is supreme in his opinions, conclusions, and judgments.  When we condemn, we are holding our own opinions, conclusions, and judgments as more valuable than God’s.  When we are in opposition to God and His ways, our toxic stress levels will always be higher.  Aligning our values and actions with God’s ways will reduce stress.  

If we are on the victim side of someone’s condemnation, we must remember where it is coming from.  The original and ultimate source of  condemnation is the devil.  Recognizing condemnation as a weapon of satan to stress and defeat us, should cause us to run to God for His deliverance.  Read the Psalms for examples to follow.  Keep in mind that God never condemns people.  He may condemn actions of people, but not the essence of who they are.  That’s one reason not to condemn others, but it’s also important to keep in mind when you feel condemned.  Shame is never from God.  Guilt (from constructive criticism) can help us repent and make improvements, and therefore work toward stress relief.  Shame, on the other hand, ties a person to toxic stress.  The Cross of Christ bears our guilt and shame.   Declare truth of God’s love and grace to counter the condemnation.  

Read the book of Hebrews in the Bible for the best guard against stress.  The people of God from ancient times on have cycled between following God with their whole hearts and drifting into unbelief (as Hebrews calls it).   the writer of Hebrews draws a comparison to Ancient Israel and the early Christ-followers.  When their hearts were “all in” they found peace and rest (less stress), but when they wained in their faith and trust in God, they felt burdoned, overwhelmed by life (toxic stress).  Converting to Jesus doesn’t automatically remove struggle from life.  Our life with Christ is a journey whereby our belief increases and we find more rest from stress.   Let us heed this warning, “Those who first heard the good news of deliverance failed to enter into that realm of faith-rest because of their unbelieving hearts”(Hebrews 4:6; TPT).  May we cultivate a believing heart by yielding and finding that spot of sweet surrender to God and His ways.  Consider the areas of the stress list above that you need transformed into the less-stress list.  Ask God to help you discover and act on the next steps in transition.   

Let’s not give up on time management, enjoying hobbies, and other stress-reducing activities.  Let’s also look at our beliefs (about ourselves, other people, and God) in regard to stress.   The solution to “unbelief” is belief.  Too obvious?  Too simple?  It’s not always easy to believe and trust  in God for deliverance (from whatever the stress causing item may be).  May God be your source and help for less stress.

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

Pre-born Lives Matter

On January 23^rd New York became the most dangerous state for pre-born human beings to live.  NY lawmakers made it legal to kill children up to the moment they are born and breathing on their own.  The law also excused medical personnel from stepping in to save the life of a survivor of an abortion attempt.  

With this action, NY officially became the most barbaric of states in the US.  Killing pre-born children is savage. Taking human life in this way is evil.  But the door for accepting this kind of evil was thrown open on January 22, 1973 with the US Supreme Court Roe  vs Wade decision.  A slippery slope was begun by not clearly defining a pre-born child as human life, and tragically, the slope continues its decline.  

I became aware of the gravity of the problem sometime around 1980, and joined the battle to defend the value of human life.  In the 1980’s my wife and I spent countless hours on the sidewalks of abortion facilities talking to young ladies about their options in pregnancy.  We were instrumental in saving a number of babies lives, and saving their mothers the horrors of abortion.  We led groups that offered practical assistance to moms and dads of children that were rescued from the knives of abortionists.  We were founding members of a Board of Directors to bring a Bethany Christian Services adoption provider to our town.  Later we turned our attention to the prevention side of the pro-life efforts by founding an organization to promote the message of chastity for youth in our region.  With 3 natural born children of our own, in 1996 we adopted a 3-year-old girl from China.  Currently in our counseling ministry we help post-abortion men and women deal with the losses associated with making their bad choices.   We are pro-life, not just in theory, but in action, because truth demands action.  

           Why is truth important?  History tells us why.  About a century ago, a casual view of truth led to the careless destruction of approximately 11 million peoples’ lives (see Andy Andrews book “How Do You Kill 11 Million People”).  The Nazis were pathological liars and no one had the will to hold them accountable until it was much too late.  A pattern of lying, deception, and propaganda accompanies dictatorships throughout human history.  Our world has suffered diar consequences of foolishness and  falsehood.  Since the original sin of mankind, we are extremely prone to falsehood and vulnerable to its destructive results.  

A society is only as morally good as the people who make up the society.  A person’s thinking determines their actions.  If a person is not thinking true thoughts, their actions will yield results that are not based in truth.  For example, the truth is that a newly conceived child is a unique human being as expressed by God’s creation.  If people place value in that truth, thoughts and actions will treat the pre-born child the same as any two year old child they know. They may wonder what the child will do when they grow up, which set of parents do they look like the most, or observing what kind of personality they have.  Good-willed thoughts of the child’s future will lead to actions that support the child and help them grow into the person they are meant to be.  On the other hand, if a pre-born child is not thought of in ths same way as a two year old, their value will be diminished.  If they are thought of as unwanted, inconvenent, unsupportable, not yet human, etc., then actions taken by adults around them will be unsupportive and may not lead to the well being of the child (and the child’s family).   

The idea of “slippery slope” magnifies this truth with even greater implications.  A famous quote by Mahatma Gandi states, “The true measure in any society can be found in how it treats its most vulnerable members.”  When we tolerate the ill-treatment of pre-born children who have no voice of their own, we set ourselves up for the ill-treatment of anyone deemed unfit for some random reason.  Again, the Nazis showed this by killing persons with disabilities, Jewish people, and then anyone who disagreed with their regime.  By taking away the God-given value in what it means to be human, it becomes easier to take away God-given value in what it means to be married, be male, be female, be a person with a certain color skin, ethnic background, or cultural views.  The social ills facing our society all trace back to dispising the sanctity of human life.  

So what exactly is the truth?  The Truth is God’s reality, not mankind’s perceptions of reality.  The truth is absolute, and not defined by trends, popularity, or media propaganda.  God is the Author and Creator of life.  Human life is God’s idea.  Our respect for God is mirrored by our respect for the sacredness of life.  When we dishonor God and disregard his ways, we are at risk for the worst kinds of falsehoods and deception known to mankind.  The Book of Proberbs in the Bible (written by the most intelligent and succcessful person of his time) starts out by acknowledging that wisdom begins with a respect (“fear” as he calls it) of God.  Many of the verses in Proverbs speak of the folly of mankind trying to ignore or devalue the Creator.  God knows each person better than they know themselves.  God knows everything about the world in greater depth than the combined knowlege of all humans put together.  God’s power, authority, and majesty are limitless.  Every human life from the moment of conception is a unique stamp of God’s creative ability.  Every individual’s worth and value is equal and determined by God.  Every human life is valuable because God made it so.   

           How should we then live?  Seek God for truth.  God came into the world as a man, Jesus Christ, to demonstrate the heart of Father God, and save us from the largest slippery slope of all.  Our sin condition seeks to devalue the dignity God placed in each of us from the moment of conception.  We need Jesus to redeem us from our lost condition.  The greatest deception of all is that we don’t need God to do this for us.  We are deceived to think we can define our humanity on our own, and decide for ourselves what is best, what is good or bad, or right from wrong.  

Pre-born lives matter, All lives matter.  All of life matters. Your life matters.  How you live your life matters.  It matters how we think and act.  Living for God reveals truth.  It matters how we make decisions, choices, and form opinions, with their corresponding actions, results, and consequences.   Disrespecting God reveals falsehood  (not always immediately, but eventually for certain).  God wants to heal us in the midst of the struggles we face in this life.  All mental health problems (not directly attributed to brain malfunction) are somehow related to poor self concept (see previous articles).  Perceiving ourselves as  unworthy and lacking value keeps us fulfilling our God-given purpose for our existence.  Poor image of self leads to poor image of others, causing poor relationships, which cause a breakdown of society.  When we fail to take action to defend  the truth of the value of human life, our world literally falls apart.    

May I encourage you to take a stand for truth.  Start with what you have the most control over, that is your own transformation and sanctification journey.  Receive God’s healing for guilt or shame.   Look at some of my previous articles for help with this.  Your personal life matters, and directly affects your views of God.  In addition to guirding up your inner being, be aware of the evil influences from without.  The major news media sources have a record of being extremely biased  against God-honoring people and principles.  Do not allow your mind to be tainted  by their false narratives.  It’s not always what they say, but what they don’t say that misleads the most.  Editors often fail to report significant events because they are more concerned about selling their product (via popular opinion), that revealing truth. On the bright side, CBNNews.com is a great source for truth reporting.  Of course your time building your relationship with God is crucial.  Truth is found not merely in the words of the Bible, but getting to better know the Person of God behind the words.  Another thing you can do is make your market place purchases count. Do research on vendors, and only support those who refrain from joining the trends that dishonor God.  Find a church, get pugged in, and support leadership of like-minded people supporting all of the above.  

One last thing.  If you have been a participant in abortion in any way, it is not an unforgivable sin.  Our Father God has his arms open wide for you regardless of how you feel, or what you’ve done.  You’re not alone.  There is someone who understands.  God is there and he understands, but there are people who can help you also.  Please contact me if you need help.  

Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a German theologian martyred by the Nazis a few days before his concentration camp was liberated by US soldiers.  This article is inspired by his quote, “Not to speak, is to speak. Not to act, is to act.”  We must speak.  We must act, because truth demands action.  Our pro-life/ God-respecting actions over the years have been motivated by Scripture.  One most pointed Proverb says, “Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter.  If you say, “But we knew nothing about this,”  does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?” (Proverbs 24:11-12).  What will your next action be to uphold the value of life?   

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry

Inherent Goodness!

Are people born good?  Or bad? Or some of each?  Are some people born with more good or bad than others?  Truthful answers to these questions are extremely important for healthy living.

I’ve read many books by Brene Brown and one recently brought up the subject of inherent goodness which I wish to address here.  Brene Brown describes herself as a researcher and story teller, and has become a popular TED Talks speaker on topics of shame and vulnerability.  I have benefited from her discoveries and have been recommending her books and material to clients I see in my counseling and speaking.  Shame is a huge problem in stealing our self-worth and robbing our ability to experience love and belonging in relationships.  Dr. Brown does a great job in helping people identify sources of shame and encouraging vulnerability to expose secrets so that shame no longer has a place to hide (and destroy our relationships).

However, in her recent audio book called Rising Strong as Spiritual Practice, Brene Brown expresses  views on spirituality that conflict with the Truth of the Bible.   

In order to talk about inherent goodness we must be clear on some basic assumptions.  The term “good” used in describing self-worth and value as a human being, must be distinguished from “good” in a sense of a person’s moral character (as compared to bad/ evil character).   Another element of defining “good” is how we see God in relation to mankind, and whether we are comparing man to God or man to man.  Man’s inherent goodness lies with man’s inherent value as a creation of God.  Everything God creates is good.  Mankind was created good (see the story in Genesis).  But after the creation, the “inherent” part of goodness changed dramatically because of some very bad choices on man’s part.  

In the book Brene says people possess 3 inherent (inborn) qualities: lovability, creativity, and divinity.  She makes a good point that our beliefs about who we are as people, directly affect our relationships with other people. Beliefs rooted in shame will damage our relationships.   If we believe we are unlovable, we will treat either ourselves or others without proper love and respect.  If we believe we are not creative, we hold that belief as a result of either others not affirming and valuing our work, or our self-perceived standards of perfection (perfectionism) are way too high.  But divinity does not fit in the same category as lovability and creativity.  Divinity is not part of human nature.  In fact a belief that people are inherent “holy,” (as Brene states)  is about as far from the truth and as unholy as it gets.   People are human beings.  God is a divine being.  God’s divinity sets him apart as “holy.”  From the beginning, God created man with lovability and creativity, but divinity is reserved for God himself.  In fact, the origin of shame is rooted in man trying to make himself divine, and man rebelling against God’s supreme authority.  Evil entered the world through this shameful rebellion.  But worse yet, the problem of shame became a legacy  inherent evil passed down to every generation of human beings (see the story in Genesis 3).  

God created a world in which only He is the Judge of good and evil (tree of “life” as it is called in Genesis).   At mankind’s creation, God forbade man from partaking in judgment between good and evil.  Part of what made God holy (set apart from man) is this ability to judge between good and evil.  As the “all good” Creator, God can judge between good and evil without being touched by evil.  But man does not have this ability.  When man demanded to have this ability (eating from the tree of the “knowledge of good and evil” as it is called in Genesis), man committed the first sin.  Our attempt to be Judge (instead of allowing God to be Judge), made us forever contemptable to God’s holy and righteous supreme authority. Jesus Christ offers our only hope of escape from this mess WE created of HIS good creation.  

  It is evil to demand to take God’s rightful place as supreme Judge, whether in thoughts, attitudes, words, or deeds.  Mankind brought shame into the world with the original selfish act of defying God’s command (not to take part in demanding to be the Judge).   When Adam and Eve claimed to have the right to decide for themselves good from evil, this challenge of God’s supreme authority (holiness), created the original sin.  This rebellion against the goodness of God’s nature, created the inherent evil born into the nature of all persons born into the human race.  Every human since that time is born into the slavery of shame.  Our only hope of redemption from this evil is to believe in what Jesus Christ has done to save us from our wretched condition (see John 3; Romans 3;  Isaiah 53:1-6; 61:1-3).  

Mankind was created inherently good, but the corruption of sin now extends to every person making us inherently evil.  Because we are created in the “image of God,” and since God is all good, we still bear resemblences of good.  But sin killed our spirit. A dead spirit can’t be good.  That’s why we need Jesus who makes our spirit alive.  If  we know Jesus, the Jesus in us makes us good, but  without Jesus, our best efforts will never be enough to make us a “good” person (by God’s definition).  Even if we seem good enough by man’s definition, in reality, we’re no better or worse off than any other person (as far as our right standing with God).  Again, only Jesus makes that difference.  So, we ARE good enough to be a human, but being the best human we can be, doesn’t make us divine.  All humans are born equal in this regard.  

If we believe we are holy, we not only devalue the holiness of God, but we deny our need for the salvation of Jesus Christ.  A belief that man is inherently good, is in direct conflict with a Christian world-view.  Because of man’s sin and shame, Father God sent Jesus,  his one and only son,  to die, resurrect, and ascend back to the Father to save all who believe (from their sin and shame).  Jesus said, “I am the way and the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6).   The Bible clearly teaches, “Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved”  (Acts 4:12).  Jesus is our exclusive redeemer from the sin and shame problem introduced by the first humans on earth.  

That may not be a politically correct assertion, but it is the Truth.  A person who lives their life by this Truth finds the best (and only eternally lasting) freedom from shame that exists.  What one believes DOES matter.  Truth matters.  If what one believes does not line up with the truth, there are eternal consequences. The danger with believing in the inherent goodness of people is that it prevents people from believing the truth that they need a Savior for shame-free living.  Relying only on  people is not the complete answer.  Vulnerability with people may be a significant step, but vulnerability with God (and relying on what Jesus has already accomplished) is the ultimate solution.  

What I have discovered in my own life is that being honest with God is often a first step to being completely honest with other people.  God is way more trustworthy than any human being.  Coming to Father God with my fears, unloving thoughts, lonely feelings, and whatever else shame trys to trap me in, is heard and already acted on in my favor by what Jesus has done.  May I encourage the reader to read the gospel of John to deepen your understanding of the relationship Jesus had with Father God, and how Jesus brings us into that same relationship as sons and daughters of God.  Whether a person is a new follower of Jesus or a seasoned Christian, there is always more of the burden of shame Jesus can carry for us  (see Matthew 11:28,29).

Brene Brown’s insights on shame may empower us to be more honest (vulnerable) about our shame condition.  However, her views about how spirituality enters into the mix (at least the views expressed in the above mentioned book) need to be sorted out as misguiding.  I am not writing to shame Brene Brown as a person.  However, I believe she is guilty of misrepresenting true spirituality (from the world-view of a Jesus-follower).  My aim is to alert people (especially Jesus-followers) to the extreme dangers of falsely believing that people are born good (without a need for Jesus to clean out the inherent bad/ evil).   I encourage the reader to read some of my other articles that share more detail on allowing God to transform your life from the inside out. 

by Ed Hersh, Blue Rock BnB Healing Ministry